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Love & Relationships

20 Unthinkable Tips for Sustaining a Long-Distance Relationship

Research has revealed lots of interesting things about long-distance relationships. Although it encourages this unique arrangement, today, there are more red flags to it than the success rates. Technology has made romance a lazy affair. But no more of that!

We are breaking the rules of today and bringing the spark back in long-distance relationships. These 20 tips would return the charming essence of every long-distance relationship to its former glory.

So, if you have been looking for some real tips for sustaining your long-distance relationship rather than the monotonous and inefficient ones, you have come to the right place! Read on to unlock the unthinkable ways of unlocking a happy long-distance relationship.

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Keep It Old School by Being Pen Pals

There is a reason why so many people were able to retain their relationships irrespective of the distance so successfully all these years. Why do you think the romance in the song Kabootar Ja was such a hit back then and is still looked up to even now by so many people?

The thing with technology is that it becomes too impersonal too soon. Nothing is private anymore. All your so-called ‘encrypted messages’ are also stored by the government and used for any security purposes that may be required. And I don’t have anything against it, but the point is that romance is a private affair. It loses its essence the moment you share it with someone who does not appreciate it enough.

Instead of using long emails like many ‘relationship bloggers’ may advise you to do, try writing elaborate letters. Pen down your thoughts on a piece of paper. It will be more satisfying than any email. While I am not discarding the use of emails in a long-distance relationship completely as they are quick and convenient, I am simply encouraging you to take your romance in an older and simpler time where everything wasn’t so rushed.

The Phone is Not Your Friend

Continuing the above thought, phones are anything but your friends. This may be a completely biased point of view, given that I am a fan of old school romance. But I truly feel that conversations over a phone leave much room for issues.

Avoid talking to each other for longer durations. Even texting all day is toxic even if it means that your texts only consist of “I love you” and kiss emojis. They are anything but romantic. Couples who talk constantly tend to give in to non-verbal communication so much that they are highly likely to get frustrated and dissatisfied with their relationship.

Moreover, you become so engrossed in your phone that you miss out on everything else that goes on around you. And that is unhealthy even for a close distance relationship.

Right now, the most convenient thing for you to do is reject this thought completely and continue happily chatting with your partner, but do you think that is a good philosophy to follow if you want to have a long-term relationship with your significant other?

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Avoid Having Unrealistic Expectations with Each Other

Thanks to the filters and free editing apps, no one looks the same online as how they look in real life. Since most relationships these days begin on the internet, you have a preconceived idea about how your partner would look in real life with just one glance at their profile picture. And that, my friends, gives rise to the unrealistic expectations that the subheading is pointing at.

Countless relationships break every day because of this and it is not only limited to looks. If you have ever dated an introvert, you would know how transformational they are over the phone as opposed to when you actually meet them in real life.

Long-distance relationships survive on the pillars of expectations and future plans so, imagine what would happen if the former one would collapse!

Check In. Do Not Keep a Check on!

I know you are possessive because you are away. And sometimes, you don’t intentionally stalk your partner. But if you are dating someone who always knows the difference between checking in and keeping a check on, you would be in deep trouble. Your relationship may begin to struggle and become extremely short-lived, which is not our motive here.

So, what do you do when you want to know what your partner is doing when in a long-distance relationship?

That’s right! You check in.

Those of you who are acing this concept know exactly what I am implying here. Being in a long-distance relationship currently, I know my boyfriend’s whereabouts to the tee. I even know what he is doing right now. But that is because I show my concern and never my insecurity. And that is the part that we all need to work on.

A simpler way of putting this is by saying, checking in is a more mature way of dealing with a long-distance relationship and keeping a check is a rookie mistake.

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Try Seeing Each Other Every Three Months

At least!

People change in 21 days but I say you should meet in at least three months because it keeps the excitement alive. When you begin to procrastinate your visitations, you are practically digging a grave to bury your dead relationship in. Quite a strong metaphor but it is the truth.

And even when you meet, make sure that you don’t spend all your time travelling. Make sure that you find some quiet alone time and engage in physical romance, too. It is one of the most important aspects of any successful relationship.

See the Relationship as an Opportunity to Explore Places Together

I made a huge mistake with my relationship of meeting my partner either in his city or in mine. Although we belong to the same city, I moved out and now it has become a ritual that if we want to meet, it has to be in either of the two cities. And it is frustrating now. So now, we cannot wait to explore newer places.

Don’t make the same mistake as I did. Instead of meeting at either of the cities, go to a new place. It serves two purposes.

  • You get to see something new that neither of you has seen.
  • It is a vacation for both because if you go to your partner’s city, it is a change for you but not for them and vice versa. And you both deserve some time off of your regular schedules.

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Send an Occasional Material Love to Each Other Once a While

Call me materialistic all you want but I find items to be a delightful perk of being in a relationship. I mean what is the point of putting up with someone if there are no gifts involved? Right? Hold your horses. I am just kidding!

But they do work. Getting little surprises from your partner from a different city would give you joy that you would not otherwise get if you were physically shopping with each other together.

My boyfriend sends me all kinds of practical and impractical stuff from online shopping sites and his city and I do the same. And each time I get a parcel from him, my assurance of his loyalty to me somehow increases. Perhaps because I know that his eyes don’t have enough time to wander because he is planning to send me thoughtful gift items.

Be Prepared for Less Physical Affection

One of the best tips for sustaining a long-distance relationship that anyone can ever give you is to watch out for that physical romance that you are not going to get that often. No holding hands, no kissing goodbyes and no sex. And you have to live with that because you know that this is just a temporary arrangement and good things are due soon.

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Don’t Over-splurge Every Time You Meet

Budgeting is probably one of the most important elements of dating from afar. Firstly, you have your own expenses to cover and when you know that you are going to have to save to meet your significant other, it becomes more like a task than a casual meetup.

Try looking at it this way – you are saving money to travel once every three months. And you need all your trips to be special because you don’t want any disappointments during your time together. So, you have to look for the best of accommodations, service, food, places to visit and whatnot. The list is endless. And since all good things come in exchange for a fair price (usually higher than what you would bargain for), it is natural for you to splurge.

So, there are two ways of dealing with it.

  • Set a budget to keep a check on your finances and savings.
  • Prepare to earn that amount back.

We often opt for the second option because we are terrible with budgeting. And I have a habit of living larger than life so, I don’t think about how much I spend as much as I think about how much to earn back. Therefore, we make sure that we recover everything we spend within a week’s time to keep our finances balanced.

Make Room for Misinterpretation (A Lot of It)

As I mentioned earlier, conversations that happen over a phone call or a text message often leave room for bigger issues and well, misinterpretation.

What if you are joking about something and forget to put the laughing emoji or ‘LOL’ next to it before pressing send? What happens when your partner misinterprets your tone because they are not able to see your expressions?

There is a lot to get into and since you cannot stop it from happening, prepare yourself for it. Yes, make room for misinterpretation. Know that conversations will be misunderstood and that you would have to spend an entire night justifying yourself before realising how silly it all is. It is bound to happen, regardless of how mature or understanding you are.

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You Are Technically Single for the Most Parts

Yes, you are! And there is nothing to feel bad about it.

Being single does not mean that you get a pass to let loose and throw yourself on any individual you see out there. And it definitely does not mean that you are in an open relationship without your partner even knowing that they are a part of that arrangement.

In a long-distance relationship, since you spend most of your time being apart from each other, you are required to do many things alone. Things like grocery shopping, watching a movie or even cooking have to be done alone without any help. Yes, you definitely video chat but you are still alone and that is okay!

Watch a Movie Together in Your Respective Cities

This is probably the cutest parts of being in a long-distance relationship. Try doing this.

  • Choose a movie
  • Decide the date and time when you can both watch it
  • Make the same kind of food or buy the same kind of snacks
  • Tuck yourself in a blanket
  • Enjoy the movie together

Several couples do it and the best part about it is that it does feel like a real movie date.

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Missing Is a Part of Every Long Distance Relationship. Don’t Shy Away from Being Spontaneous

Forget what I said about watching a movie together being the cutest thing about being in a long-distance relationship. This one takes the lead.

Missing your partner is a totally common emotion. In fact, if you don’t miss them, are you even bothered by the relationship anymore?

And if you are too bothered by the missing part, don’t feel shy to drop in. Spontaneous romance is the best kind of romance. It is one of the secret ingredients to happy love life. Don’t worry about the consequences. If you think no one would get disowned or worse, die because of your visit, then it is perfectly okay to display a tad bit of spontaneity.

Focus on Taking Less Pictures for Social Media and Spend More Time When You Meet

One of the wrongest approaches that couples have toward long-distance relationship visits is the one where they think that it is good to take more pictures to create more memories until the next time. But if you are working professionals, how many times do you find yourself checking your picture gallery without a purpose? Let me guess. Never?

The only memories you should be making is outside your cellular world, which is more permanent than a hard disk that can easily be corrupted by a mere virus. I have forgotten the last time I clicked pictures on a date but I remember every other detail of what happened right from the food to the conversation.

Sure, photos are great but visual memories are greater!

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Keep a Comfort Item from Your Partner with You

Many couples do it and it is one of the sweetest things about a long-distance relationship. While you can keep anything, I suggest you get something that has been with your partner for some time. Something that they hold dear to them. It could be something that smells like them or has a distinctive touch. Keep this comfort item with you when you are sleeping or in your bag permanently so, you can take it with you everywhere you go.

Get Your Big Ears on in Every Conversation

Visual memories are your strongest memories. But when you are not with your partner, your only way of being around them and knowing all of them is by listening to them.

Keep your auditory system up and running like that of a dog’s. Make sure that you are listening to everything carefully. It is not supposed to be like a job. There may be days when you just don’t have enough energy or will to listen to what the other person is saying. On such days, you can simply talk about general things instead of having an intellectual conversation. No one is hanging your life by a thread.

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Have Something to Talk About. Avoid Talking without Content

Speaking of general talks, couples in a long-distance relationship often feel obliged to speak to each other as if they are attempting to compensate for their physical absence. In doing so, they end up having empty conversations that are full of fillers and lacks content for most of it. This may make things dull and boring. Therefore, avoid this and speak to each other only when you have content, even if it means that you are talking only for an hour in a day. And again, talking constantly is another sign of insecurity. So, refrain from doing that.

Discuss the Future of Your Relationship

Are you going to be like this forever? Would you get married over Skype? No? Then what is your plan?

Is one of you going to move to the other’s city? Are you moving to a different city altogether? When is this transition going to take place? Are you looking at your alternatives already? Have you already spent 4 years being in a long-distance relationship and still have not decided what is permanent?

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Play Virtual Games Together

Games like PUBG, Scrabble, Poker and many more can be played by couples in a long-distance relationship. In fact, yesterday my boyfriend suggested that we play dumb charades on FaceTime tonight. (Guess who isn’t getting a gift anytime soon!)

What I mean to say is that the possibilities are endless and you can try them all.

Meet Each Other Halfway (for Every Thing)

Meeting halfway does not only mean deciding a destination that falls at the centre for both of you. It means equality in understanding, respect, and scheduling. This relationship should not be a burden on either of you. That should be your primary aim.

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Love & Relationships

10 Undeniable Signs You Are Ready to Get Back with Your Ex

Breakups do not always mean it is the end of a relationship. Some breakups are different from the other. They are so healthy that they leave a possibility for you to get back together. And what could be better than getting back with someone that you have known, tolerated and loved before? Like a smart person that you are, you have even allowed yourself some time to heal. You have given yourself some space, too. And now you think that maybe you misjudged the situation and took the wrong decision. So, you believe that it is time for a second chance. But how do you know if you are truly ready to get back with your ex?

Well, apart from your friends forcing you to get to back together, there are universal signs that you must never miss out on. These undeniable signs are like a guide. They help you decide. So, here are ten signs that say you are ready to get back with your ex.

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1. You Have Both Matured Now

Being mature is one of the first signs that you would see. Breakups don’t just happen just like that. They happen because you are not mature or sensible enough to understand each other’s point of view. In fact, one of the primary reasons for a breakup is that you fail to understand each other’s thought processes. And it is okay. You are only human. But you are a better human when you realise your mistakes and rectify them. Makes sense, doesn’t it?

If you two have been talking to each other and realising how stupid you were to let a beautiful relationship go, you probably are ready to get back together.

2. Your Regret Has Got the Better of You

I believe that regret is the worst feeling to have. And if that regret occurs after a breakup, perhaps you made the wrong choice or broke up too soon.

Ask yourself this – Do you regret breaking up every time you talk to each other?

Because if you do, you are moving toward the wrong goal. You should probably make a U-turn. There is nothing more upsetting than losing someone you are perfect with.

3. You Still Have Not Found Anyone Else You Are as Comfortable with

Sure, you have a hundred friends whom you love and who love you back. They understand you. They know you. And it is really easy to be with them, too. But you always end up feeling really lonely. Have you tried asking yourself why that happens even when you are in a perfectly good company?

You tend to feel lonely when you feel you are with the wrong people. People you are not absolutely comfortable with. And this is not just about friends. It is not like you have not tried to move on. You might have gone on dates or simply met new people but you never truly moved on. And one of the reasons for that could be because you never found the same kind of warmth or comfort with anyone else that you found within each other’s company. So, if this happens to you, consider it to be a sign.

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4. You Think Maybe You Could Work on the Problem

Do you think you rushed into it? You think that you could have handled the situation a little better? Do you also think that you can put all of it behind you? Well, this may be because the problem that led to your breakup was not that big after all. Maybe you fought about something that is huge when seen by an outsider, but only the people involved in the relationship know exactly how their bond is. So, maybe you broke up because you said something offensive about his mother or because he said something about your attitude toward his friends. To an outsider, these would call for a breakup, but is it the same for you? That is the question that you need to ask!

If you think that you made the wrong decision by not resolving the issue in a better way for even a second, it is time for you to talk to each other about it. So, even if you were not able to find a resolution back then, perhaps you can give it another try and see if you can put it behind you and move forward.

5. You Are Both Ready to Stop Playing the Blame Game

He said, she said is the easiest thing to do. In fact, most arguments turn ugly because of these blame games. However, after the breakup, since you have had some time on your hands to think about the problem, you can forgive one another.

A prime example of this is getting back with a partner who cheated on you.

You think that you can tell them that it is okay and that you want to be with them and continue seeing them. But are you truly ready to be with them? Here is the problem with this. You are constantly going to think about what they did to you and end up mocking them about the same every chance you get. This would only make your relationship more toxic. And you may even develop resentfulness toward each other. Therefore, there is no point of getting back in such a relationship.

If you are both willing to get back together in a healthy manner, without placing blames, there may be a small window of hope left for your relationship’s success.

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6. Talking to Them Still Feels Natural

All you have to do is pick up the phone and talk to them. You can still rant about how you had the worst day and how you hate everyone. You can call each other at any given time, and you would still get the same kind of attention that you did when you were in a relationship. Whatever happens, they are your go-to person. And there are no judgmental vibes from their side, either. But above all, it still feels like you have got each other’s back. Whether you need to complain or celebrate, you are there for each other. So, it all feels extremely natural. If this is where you stand in your relationship right now, maybe it is time to think things through.

7. You Talk About the Old Times Way Too Much

You are finally in a place where you are willing to see each other or at least talk to each other. And it may feel like the right thing to do to move forward in your lives, but guess what you end up doing? You hang out with one another only to talk about your past. And the past entirely consists of the moments that the two of you spent together. They may be good or bad, but they are still things that you have done together.

While talking about the old times may not be completely healthy, it is okay if it is not making either of you sad. If you have been laughing about the past and happily reminiscing your time together, maybe you are ready to get back together.

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8. You Feel a New Fire Rekindling Between the Two of You

All those late-night conversations, those coffee dates, those friendly hangouts are starting to feel like they are normal. You can see that you both have changed and that you have become more ‘adult’ than you were when you were dating. Both you want the same things now. You are on the same page. You understand the other person better now because you have somehow experienced their life. Suddenly, you can also see why they behaved the way they did. Maybe you can predict them better now, or maybe you cannot get your head around them at all. And that novel, mysterious feeling is luring you toward them.

So, if you feel as if you have not lost any time with each other at all during these hangouts, maybe things are stirring back up between the two of you.

9. There is No Hate or Hard Feeling Anymore

Either a breakup is truly ugly, or it is mutual. But there is another kind of breakup, which is perhaps the best kind of a breakup. It is the one where both of you are at peace. There are no feelings of hatred. You don’t loathe each other’s face, either. You are just hoping to be fine. And while you are coping up with life without each other, you still miss them. Because even if you have lost the relationship, you have not lost the love.

This situation is bound to leave you in an extremely uncomfortable and awkward situation. All because you don’t know how to feel about each other. Should you hate them? Should you be in love? Or should you simply forget? If either of the three options feels undoable, maybe you are being signalled by the universe to get back with your ex.

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10. You Just Feel Like It is the Right Thing to Do

All the other things aside, something all you need is an intuition. And trust me, intuition is the best kind of sign. It is a guaranteed way of knowing if you are ready to get back with your ex. This is when even the universe is telling you to get back together because maybe things aren’t over between the two of you. There may just be some unfinished business. And that is the definitive sign that would tell you that you should get back together.

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Love & Relationships

Let’s Debunk 25 Most Common Myths About Dating

If you have never dated before or have only heard it from your friends, you are sure to hear some myths with them, too. They sound so real that the masses actually start believing them. So, I think it is my duty toward our readers to debunk these commonly circulated myths in of the dating world. Here are the 25 most common dating myths and their facts.

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1. Women can’t ask men out

When you come to think of it, asking out has always been men’s territory. Men are always expected to make the first move. In fact, we rarely imagine a woman ask out a man at a bar by offering him a drink. You always picture a man doing it. So, it is obvious why women can ask men out has become a myth. Of course, this is not the case.

There are many women who prefer to make the first move at the man that they find to be attractive. They believe it saves them time because they directly approach the one they want to be with. Therefore, it is high time that we stop circulating this myth around. We should accept that women can and do ask men out.

2. Ask everything on the first date to judge your date

I don’t know who started this one, but it is something that is suggested by everyone. Even your friends would tell you this when you would go out on your first dates. But what they don’t tell you is that you cannot judge a person in the first meeting. Heck, you can’t judge a person even after spending years with them. So, how do you think it is possible for you to judge your date in one day? Moreover, asking too many questions on the first date ruins the mystery. If you ask everything on the first date, what would there be left to know about them later? Therefore, stay wise and refrain from being Arnab Goswami.

3. Conflict in a new relationship is a red flag

Whoever said conflicts were a sign to escape the situation was horribly mistaken. On the contrary, conflicts are an opportunity to right the wrong and grow. My relationship was not all fun and games, either. We had hit rock bottom in the beginning. But we got through it. And now I am proud of us. Conflicts happen in every relationship – old or new. So, don’t consider it as a setback. Even a catapult has to be pulled back to go forward.

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4. Play hard to get to get their attention

This is probably one of the stupidest dating myths ever. Playing hard to get does more bad than good to you and the other person. If you have not done it already, if you want to know what happens when you play hard to get, read this. Everything you need to know is in there. It will also tell you why this is definitely a myth.

5. Men are rational; women are emotional

There may be worse myths, but this one is the weirdest one floating around. Men are not always logical. And women are not always emotional. Ask my boyfriend about this, and he would tell you what a pain my rationality is to him. I rarely cry. But his taps are always ready to flow (no puns here, people!). For a long time, he thought I did not have any feelings. It was when I cried at Inside Out that he learnt I had a heart, too, that things got to me, too. Before that my emotions and I were two things that could not be used together in one sentence.

6. Chocolates and flowers are mandatory presents

In the several years of my relationship with so many different people, I have never once enjoyed receiving either flowers or chocolates. I always thought chocolates were something that was not that unique a gift because they were always available in my house. As for the flowers, they were more temporary than all those relationships. Hence, both of those things never served any purpose for me. I find them to be extremely thoughtless. And I am quite sure I am not the only one. Not every girl is thrilled to see chocolates and flowers. So, boys, take notes. Don’t waste your money there.

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7. Socialising more will get you a date faster

You can hop from 10 bars to 10 more in search for a date, but socialising is not going to land you love life. Increasing your social circle might improve your odds; however, you might not actually find a date for yourself. I have never been social, but I always manage to maintain a healthy love life. I believe that instead of focusing on socialising if you would just work on making yourself better, you would have a better chance of finding love.

8. The right one will put up with your bad habits, too

Continuing the previous point, no right one would settle for someone who does not think they deserve them. They would try to change you or help you improve. But they would not be with you if you are not ready to work on yourself. Hence, you should always be open to change. Because if you are looking for the right one, it is definite that the right one is also looking for their right one. If you would not settle for less, why should they?

9. You don’t need anyone’s approval to date the person you like

Actually, your closed ones know your needs better than you do. They know who is best for you and who brings out the best in you. Therefore, always take their opinions into consideration. Being the third perspective, they see things about you and the person you are dating better than you can. It does not matter how good a judge of character you are then. Furthermore, when you take your loved ones’ approval, you feel more positive about your dating life, which directly affects the health of your relationship with your partner.

10. You should not end up with the first person you date

As much as I understand, I believe this myth was started because people were not sure about the one they were with. Thus, to get a reason to move on from a serious commitment, they came up with this. Probably they did not want to miss out on what is out there. But there is really no truth to this myth. You can end up with the first person you date if you feel that they are the right one. There isn’t a definitive number that you should hold on to. The right person could be number 1 or number 12, as well.

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11. Physical attraction is necessary

One word – Sapiosexual. Physical attraction may be necessary for some people but not if you are a sapiosexual. Sapiosexuals are people who are attracted to a person’s intelligence rather than their face or nature. They prefer brain over beauty. Therefore, it does not matter if it is a boy or a girl. If you are smart, sapiosexuals would fall for you. For them, physical attraction does not matter as much as intellect does. So, if you think you are not attractive enough to find someone who would date you, there is a sapiosexual out there. Perhaps grow intellectually? Thus, the necessity of physical attraction while dating is a myth.

12. Men don’t fall in love as quickly as women do

Men tend to fall in love quicker than women do. They also find it difficult to escape from the feeling. Once they are emotionally involved in love with someone, they invest in them totally. And there is a reason for this. The scientific explanation behind men falling in love faster is that they are not as conscious about love as women are. According to psychologists, women consciously procrastinate falling in love. Because they have too much to lose physically if they find themselves in a relationship with the wrong man. But men don’t have to think about this. So, they have no reason to refuse the love that comes to them. Therefore, men fall in love quicker than women, proving this point to be a myth.

13. Online dating is dangerous and demoralising

I had a very strong opinion in favour of this once. But my own experiences proved my view wrong. I have dated a couple of guys that I have met online through Facebook (Not Tinder). There is something about Tinder that people always seem to find only idiotic people on it. Anyway, coming to the point, online dating is not a sign of desperation. It is just a way of branching out to find yourself a date. And it is definitely not dangerous if you are careful enough to judge someone correctly. Even offline or traditional dating is dangerous for that matter. Hence, this, too, is a myth.

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14. Never talk about your ex

Having a general talk about your ex is okay. However, make sure that you are both in a place where you are comfortable with talking about your exes. If not, you would only be inviting problems to your relationship. Therefore, although the ex-talk should not be taboo in any relationship, ensuring the consent and comfort of both the individuals is of the utmost importance.

15. Men never think about marriage early on. Women do

According to a survey, 59% of men think about a future with a woman on their first date whereas only 46% of women imagine a future with a man on their first date. The number is relatively higher in men. So, this proves wrong another myth that men never think about marriage as early as men do.

16. All relationships lose their spark after some time

Not necessarily. There are countless couples who have been married for over 50 years and they still display the same kind of passion toward each other that they once had when they met for the first time. And frankly, spark is overrated. If the love between the two of you still exists after a thousand dates, you have succeeded at relationships. So, having a spark in your relationship may not be such a mandatory element for your relationship. What is important is love!

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17. Never show how successful you are to a man

As stupid as it is, I don’t think this myth requires any explanation. The only man who would have a problem with a more or equally successful woman is the one who has a huge ego problem. And if nothing else, this should be a sign for you to escape such an arrangement. It is no one’s job to water their partner’s ego. Therefore, instead of getting stuck in that cyclone, take a U-turn as soon as you see it.

18. Women should act dumb to let men feel smarter

Being a buddy to more men than I have to women has taught me one thing. They hate women who act dumb. In fact, they can recognise when a woman is pretending to be dumb. Men like women who challenge their intelligence. They admire the fact that someone can question their smartness. It thrills them. So, if you being yourself can actually make you like better, why should you dumb yourself down and pretend to be stupid? Moreover, intelligence is more attractive than idiocy. Always display the former!

19. You cannot go on a date if you have recently been divorced

We live in the 21st century so, it is high time that we address this issue, too. While society may think dating after being divorced is being forward, no rules should govern your love life. You can go out on a date if you have been divorced a week ago if that is what you really want to do. And that would be okay, too!

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20. Date someone from your religion to avoid pre-marriage issues

I think almost all Indians would agree with this one. Dating is not something that everyone engages in. But when they do, there are very strict rules for dating in our country. One of them being, date someone from your own religion. This would help you avoid any complications if you wish to get married to them in the future. However, that is a little myth. I agree that there could be pre-marital issues if two people are of different religions, but you don’t actively have to look out for someone who belongs to your religion. You might just end up being with the wrong person. And that would be more regrettable than anything else.

21. Men don’t care about dressing up before a date

False! Lie!

As long as I remember, I have always been the one to arrive at the venues before my dates. God knows what beauty ritual these men go through before finally leaving their houses. Maybe they were trying to overcompensate for being late, or they just wanted to make an impression on their date. Whatever it was, I hated it. They would think that after waiting for an hour for them, I would care about their looks. But the point I am trying to make here is that men do care about dressing up before a date. Equally if not more.

22. You will meet your true love fatefully

Watch all the romantic comedies you want to at the comfort of your couch. Listen to all the love songs that you have on your playlist. But don’t expect a Mamma Mia happening in your life where all the three love of your life would show up at your door without any notice. You have to go out to make it happen. Even if you are meant to be with someone, the chances of them coming to your house and sweeping you off of your feet are not even one in a million. Thus, you have to step out of your comfort zone and go out to find yourself a date. There isn’t going to be any spoonfeeding there.

23. You can’t talk about sex on the first date

Actually, there is no written rule about this. You can talk about sex on the first date. But it has to come out naturally. Sex talk on first dates is frowned upon because it does not happen organically. It is a very intimate detail about your life that you don’t usually go around sharing with the people you meet for the first time. So, can you blame anyone? It is an awkward topic that not everyone is comfortable with. But it is definitely a common dating myth.

24. The 20s are too soon to be in true love

You can fall in love when you are in your 20s. One of my friends was dating a guy for ten years before getting married to him. She started dating him when they were 14. They were teenagers. But they were in love. Currently, they have moved to Australia and have a beautiful baby girl together.

Misunderstandings? Yes. Fights? Yes. Love? Yes. And guess what, they got married in their 20s. It was not too soon for them. It was just right for them.

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25. You should not criticise in a new relationship

I know that it is essential that you maintain some boundaries when you have newly begun to date someone. But what is more important is that you be honest and upfront with your partner. It keeps things clear and there is less room for misunderstandings. If you think you should not criticise your partner when you have just begun to date, you have been caught by one of the biggest dating myths. You can and should always engage in constructive criticism because there is nothing wrong with it.

Categories
Love & Relationships

What Happens When You Date Your Zodiac Match?

What a weird thing to read about, right? That is what I thought when I typed in the title. But I really wanted to explore this subject for my readers. So, let me start by asking you a question – Are you lost in love?

If you are one of those who never seem to meet the right kind of person in their love life, you have stumbled across the right place. I believe there is something wrong that you are doing if you are not able to meet a good person. Either you are not looking enough or you are looking in the wrong place. What if I told you that I have a solution for this inescapable curse that you are caught in? Yup! I really do. But I want you to be really open-minded if you are going to read further. Because I am going to tell you about a sure shot way of finding love.

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When finding love, the one thing that people never do is find someone who is theoretically compatible with them. And where can you get written proof of your compatibility with someone? In zodiac predictions. If you are tired of being beaten in your quest for finding true love, turn to astrology.

Every sign is perfect for some other sign. It only takes a little research and some efforts to know who that perfect sign that you are meant to be with is. Checking your zodiac compatibility with someone before dating them is a great way of ensuring you are with your perfect partner. But what happens when you find someone of your zodiac compatibility? You would have to read on to know the answer to that, my friend. So, dive in!

You Get to Experience a Different Kind of Commitment

Some people believe that dating as per your zodiac compatibility is rubbish. But I believe you get to experience something really unique. Dating someone who is supposed to be spiritually compatible with you makes you be serious with them. You do everything right with them. And you are not scared to show your true feelings because you know it is safe to do so. Moreover, you are always trying to be your best version. And above all, you begin to be more mindful toward them. You do everything to avoid hurting them in any manner because you don’t want to lose them. And that is how this kind of love makes you experience a different kind of commitment.

You Already Know How Your Relationship is Going to Turn Out to Be

A person’s zodiac sign helps you to get a basic character sketch about them. It becomes easier to predict someone’s behaviour when you know their nature. Reading about their zodiac sign would give you a better idea about their attitude and overall personality. Also, it would help you be prepared for their reactions toward certain situations. In turn, you would also be able to predict how your relationship is going to be.

When I got into my current relationship, I never really believed in zodiac compatibility. However, out of curiosity, I began to follow zodiac astrology. And I was surprised by what I came across. My boyfriend behaved exactly the way his zodiac sign was supposed to. It was shocking but it really helped me get through the tough phases of my relationship. Zodiac predictions helped me prepare for what may happen.

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Love Happens Naturally

Zodiac compatibility is all about having qualities that are compatible with that of each others’. It takes into account your personality and gives you your perfect zodiac match. When two zodiac signs are compatible, they have complementary qualities. Now, let me explain you to the psychology behind love.

Love evolves with the one you feel an attachment towards. And the primary reason for getting attached to someone is that you like their qualities. Since you like the qualities that are similar to yours or those that you admire, you love people who possess those qualities. Hence, it is clear why love happens naturally when your zodiac signs are compatible.

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You Know Theoretically Your Relationship is Worth Fighting for

The simplest reason why relationships don’t work out even when your zodiac signs are compatible is that people don’t work on it enough. Love may happen naturally but relationships require work. So, even if you have fallen deeply in love with someone, that relationship may not work. So, are you ready to work on your relationship and fight for your love? You have got nothing to lose in such a relationship. Theoretically, you are perfect for each other. Therefore, you would not be fighting for the wrong person and end up being hurt. It is a sure shot arrangement.

Zodiac Compatibility Helps You Complement Each Other

In astrology, compatible zodiac signs are determined by weighing in the character traits of two signs. These traits are either similar or complementary in both the signs. Therefore, what one sign lacks is fulfilled by the other.

Being a Libra woman, I am a very strong-headed, blunt, expressive person. I am opined and as you can see, am fully aware of it. On the contrary, my boyfriend is kind of less dramatic. He is more rational than I am and is not so impulsive, even though he is an Aquarius man. He keeps me grounded and I keep him motivated. What I lack, he makes up for it. And that is how we make a good team.

It Doesn’t Affect Your Love for Each Other

Dating your zodiac’s compatibility has no influence on your ability to love someone. In fact, love and zodiac signs are two completely different elements of a relationship. Technically, you can love someone even if you are not compatible with them. You don’t even need to have similarities. Remember, opposites attract? Yes, they do. Thus, when you date your zodiac’s compatibility, you don’t influence your feelings in any way. This also means that even if you date someone who is perfect for your zodiac sign, it is possible that you don’t fall in love with them at all. Your ability to love remains independent and unadulterated.

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You Get to Know Your True Limits in Such a Relationship

How far are you willing to go for the one you love?

As mentioned before, you would do anything for the one you know deserves your love. Also, if you are sure that they are the one for you, there is really no turning back. And that is how you get to know your true limits in a relationship with your perfect zodiac match.

I never knew I was capable of being with someone for as long as I have been with my boyfriend because to me, not many people are worth fighting for. I did not know I was capable of loving someone so much while being completely myself. Putting someone else’s needs before mine is not something that I was familiar with before. But now that I am, I am willing to push. My limits have been extended. I know I can love more, give more and care more. Only as long as I do it for someone who deserves it.

You Learn to Justify Your Actions Using Your Zodiac

This is a funny one. I have lost the count of times I have seen people doing this (including myself). That meme about Susan not being a Scorpian but simply a b***h is right. When you are in a relationship with someone who is compatible with your zodiac sign, you learn to reason your actions using your astrological predictions. For example, when I am being straight-forward, I quickly pin it on the fact that I am a Libra woman. Then I would not justify myself by saying that I have adopted this attitude in my behaviour. Because I would much rather have something to blame it on than blame it on myself. (Hey, I am only human!)

Your Belief in the Universe May Grow

With atheism on the rise, not believing in the universe has become more of a trend than a practice. Accept it or not, every being is connected to the universe. This also means every human being is spiritual. But not everyone is spiritually awakened. When you enjoy a healthy relationship with someone who is of your zodiac compatibility, you begin to believe in spirituality. You get an assurance of the universe’s work. A real-life example – my boyfriend did not believe in spirituality or astrology before meeting me. But after experiencing astrological accuracy in the zodiac predictions, he became less of a sceptic and a little more of a believer.

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It May Not Always End Well

Dating according to your zodiac’s compatibility is wise. But it does not always work as you expect it to. Arranged marriages in India are a prime example of this.

Matching Kundalis is an important Hindu tradition. This means both the boy and the girl should have 36 matching qualities to have a happy married life. But even after all this, we see marriages breaking every day. In India, 13 in every 100 marriages break. Now, this may not be such a big number if you compare with that of the other countries’. It is still big considering the procedure we go through. So, I suggest you don’t rely too much on zodiac signs. Your relationship will work out fine if it is meant to be. And as cheesy as this may sound, always believe in your love!

Categories
Love & Relationships

Does Your Boyfriend Need to Be Trained? Here Are 15 Questions That You Should Be Asking

Did you just twitch your nose after reading the title? Sounds so negative, doesn’t it? But I assure you that by the end of this blog, you would think differently. Get ready to read one of the most informative blogs of your life. First of all, let’s start with why I chose to use the word ‘training’ here. As funny as this might sound, men require to be trained just like dogs. They work on the ‘tricks for treats’ principle. If you want to get something done, you have to train them to get it done right.

Don’t get me wrong. I am all for the ‘never change the one you love’ ideal, but sometimes, when you share your life with another person, you are required to make some changes. And many women would agree with me that there are too many men out there who just don’t realise that they are dating until it completely ruins their relationship. However uncivilised your man is, if you love him, you would fight for him. But you should not have to put up with all his unhealthy habits. Hence, you need some boyfriend training.

So, how do you know if your boyfriend needs to be trained? Here is a list of 15 questions that you should ask to see if your boyfriend requires to be trained. It improved the health of my relationship. Perhaps it will work for you, too!

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1. Does He Help You with Chores?

I think this is one of the first questions you should ask yourself when you start living with your boyfriend. In fact, most of the training begins because boyfriends are usually never interested in sharing the chores. And it is not their fault.


If your boyfriend does not help you with chores, he is ready to be trained!


So, instead of blaming them for not helping you, I suggest you make your peace with the fact that your man is lazy. However, that does not mean you leave him be. This is an excellent opportunity to train him.

This is how I do it –

My boyfriend loves playing board games. But he is the laziest person who will ever come across. So, every time I want to get him to do some work, I invite him to play one of his board games. After playing with him for some time, when he is at his happiest, I strike a deal with him. I tell him if he wants me to play more, he would have to help me finish my chores. I assure him that if we work together, we will be able to play sooner. Now, a person like him who weighs everything with logic; this arrangement is something that he agrees with. And voila! It is done. So your boyfriend is ready for training if he does not help you with chores.

2. Is He Dressing Well?

Men require special attention when it comes to clothing. Not everyone can be Saif Ali Khan or Tom Hiddleston. But everyone can dress well.

Your boyfriend should know the difference between a shirt and a t-shirt. (Don’t be surprised. Many still don’t know the difference). He should also know when to wear trousers and when to wear his chinos. So, if your boyfriend is a lousy dresser, you need to train him, gurl!

 

Now, there are two ways of doing this. Most men respond to politeness. This way, you teach them how to dress for different occasions without controlling or yelling at them. This is an easier way to get things done. But if you are unfortunate like me and are stuck with someone who only responds to dominance, you have to take the low road.


Your boyfriend should be presentable!


In order to make my boyfriend dress up well, I have to tell him that I feel embarrassed to walk with someone who cannot even match colours. Don’t feel bad for him. He is stubborn. This is the only way I can get him to give a damn about what he wears. He wore a navy blue shirt for my birthday this year. Not bad, right? He wore it on navy blue pants. He also accessorised it with a black belt and wore light blue coloured shoes with that ensemble. And if that was not it, as an alternate, he carried a dark grey coloured shirt, in case I did not approve of the former outfit.

We had dinner reservations in 15 minutes and I had booked a table at a 4-star hotel. And I had no intentions of going with a clown. Fortunately, there was a mall only 5 minutes away from the hotel. I dragged him to one of the stores and got him the cheapest shirt that I could find (I was on a very tight budget). I paid for the shirt and made him feel guilty for making me spend on his fault.

Results? He started paying attention to what he wears! Target achieved.

3. Are His Friends Distracting Him from Reaching His Goals?

His friends are usually better than your friends. And that is why they can distract your man in a fraction of a second. They can even distract him from his goals. And being his girlfriend, it is your job to protect him from diverting from his purpose. Yes, protect him. I say protect because that is what you should do.


I taught my boyfriend about time!


My boyfriend has the best friends in the world. They are the loveliest and the most ambitious lot ever. His friends are all overachieving adults. And they have a specific schedule that they follow every day. However, being a freelancer, my boyfriend is the controller of his own schedule. So, my boyfriend tries to adjust his schedule as per that of his friends’. Even if it means he has to miss his work. Furthermore, every time I would call him, he would be with his friends. Now, I am the kind of person who would never tell his boyfriend what to do and how to live his life. But when I saw him turning this into a habit, I had to step in.

I began to ask him about his day and why he spent so much time doing everything he did. I never told him what he is doing is wrong. But he is a reasonable man. After a few such sessions, he realised his fault. And began to get his life on track. Similar to how you teach kids about money, I taught my boyfriend about time. I trained him to value his time above anything else.

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4. Does He Learn from His Mistakes?

You can have long conversations about this night after night. But that would not change his mind. If you have to make him realise his mistake and wait for him to learn from them, he needs training.

My boyfriend has a habit of holding his ground even when he knows he is wrong. He would keep defending himself even when it is already proven he is wrong. So, one of my biggest challenges was to make him realise that it is okay to be wrong. Therefore, I set out to do exactly that. Every time he was wrong, I gave him a chance to defend himself. And when he would run out of defences, I would calm him down and tell him that it is okay to be wrong. This small trick worked. He began to admit his mistakes, too. Consequently, he also started to learn from his mistakes because it made him feel good about himself.

5. Are You Satisfied In Bed?

I believe this is one of the dangerous territories to walk into. You can hurt too many sentiments. You can do some serious damage to his ego but well, some things need to be addressed. Are you satisfied in bed?

If no, congratulations! If yes, get your diplomat hat on because you are going to be required to be really articulate and sensitive while discussing this topic. Don’t ambush him with your dissatisfaction directly. Build up an atmosphere. See how he is feeling. And then talk to him like it is no big deal. Moreover, ensure that you maintain a casual tone. Constructive criticism would go a long way. Rather than telling him what he is doing wrong, tell him what you would want him to do instead. Make sure that you talk about your needs and not his mistakes. Lastly, good luck with this!

6. Is He Hogging the TV All. The. Time?

I feel like killing my boyfriend when this happens because it drives me crazy. We never want to watch the same things on either TV or online. It is always north and south. So, you know what we end up doing? We spend our entire time switching channels and reciting dialogues from any one of the comic classics from Bollywood. We laugh at the fact of how funny we are and we fall asleep.

Besides, when we are not fighting for the TV, he is the one who always tunes into cricket, which I truly despise. And when it is my turn to watch something, he has to give his opinions and jump to choose what to watch. Hence, I rarely get to watch what I want to watch with him around.


I began to blackmail him!


But not anymore! How did I do that? Well, I began to blackmail him. Every time he did not let me watch something, I switched to my phone, plugged in my earphones and watched what I wanted to on it. A couple of days later his guilt got the better of him and he changed his ways. Now, if we are not able to decide what to watch, we find out what we do want to watch and play it online.

7. Does He Listen to You When You Speak?

He needs to listen! No tricks, no treats in this. If your boyfriend does not listen to you, you need to train him to listen to you. Even if it means you have to engage in numerous quarrels for that matter. If he loves you and wants to be with you, he has to give you his undivided attention.

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8. Is He Challenging You Enough?

Does he question your abilities enough to push you to your ultimate potential?

Being a singer, I always need an audience with the right ear to review my performances. And the fortunate recipient of this honour is my boyfriend. Initially, he supported me and then there was a phase when he always found a flaw in my performances. While I was thinking he was being too picky, it was later that I realised that he had recognised my potential and is now pushing me further to achieve it. And believe me, when I actually began to work on the criticisms that he gave me, I realised I had improved.

So, is your boyfriend challenging you enough or is he giving up on you?

9. Does He Drag Old Issues in Your Current Fights?

My boyfriend had this habit of dragging old issues in the current fights. I know that this is something that usually women do. But there are quite a few men who have this ugly habit. So, if your boyfriend is one of them, it is time for you to train him.


His insecurities were being reflected in our fights!


I had huge fights with my boyfriend because he never understood my perspective on this. There was a time when he kept bringing up the same issues in all our fights for eight months. I was just done with it. However, fortunately, instead of giving up, I thought of trying. There was no rocket science behind what I did. Like most things can be resolved using words, I thought of doing exactly that. I communicated with him. Upon talking to him, I found that the reason he kept bringing up the old issues was that he was insecure about those issues. His insecurities were being reflected in our fights.

10. Is He Volunteering to Share the Load?

Sharing the load is much more than sharing the chores. Are you cooking together? Are you preparing for the festivals together or are you the only one who is concerned about Diwali? Ask these questions and if your boyfriend does not willingly participate in these activities, he is in need of training.

11. Does He Know What True Feminism Is?

This one is non-negotiable. Your boyfriend ought to know what feminism is. This is not for you. He should know about true feminism because it affects his life, Therefore, make sure that you teach him about true feminism if he already does not know about it.

12. Is He Hygenic Enough?

They say men are pigs. And it is true. They are gross. Leaving socks around is just one of the untidy things that they are capable of doing. When I am away, my boyfriend does not even care about shaving for 2 weeks.

If you don’t think this is something that you should focus your training on, I personally request you to really focus on turning your boyfriend into a clean human being. Also, I am sorry. I don’t have tricks to do this. In fact, I am still trying to figure out how to do that! My boyfriend is still a pig.

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13. Does He Know When to be Supportive and When to Question You?

One of my friends broke up with a guy within three months of dating him because he was too supportive. It took me a minute to understand that statement but when I did, it hit me hard. He never challenged her. And she was a feisty woman who missed that. There was no thrill.


M y friend broke up with a guy because he was too supportive!


Well, she broke up with him because she did not think the relationship was worth working on. But if you truly wish to make your relationship work, you can train him to know when to support you and when to challenge you.

Fortunately, my boyfriend already knew when to support me and when to question my stupidity. So, I never had to put him through the training process. However, if your boyfriend does not know the difference, you should train him.

14. Can He Style His Own Hair?

If I had a dollar for every time I saw a guy with a horrendous haircut, I would be Ambani. Therefore, if your boyfriend is also one of those who cannot style their hair, maybe you need to train him.

The biggest mistake that people make when teaching somebody about hairstyles is that they always give them references to celebrities. The advice would always be something like, “Why don’t you go for Virat Kohli’s look? It would suit you!” or “You should tie your hair like Shahrukh Khan.”


I switched his hairdresser!


People forget that these celebrities get their hair done by professionals. They have a different bone structure than others and that is why their haircuts look good on them. Their hairstyles are tailormade for them.

When I first visited my boyfriend’s salon with him, I quickly realised that he was getting his hair done from the wrong person. So, the first thing I did was switch his hairdresser. Then, I taught him about hair with respect to the face. I TAUGHT him! And I also called him a pineapple because he looked like one. Also, I trained him to check his hair’s length during each haircut.

It was the right choice because I know now, he can walk into a salon on his own and get his own hair done without anybody’s help.

15. Is He Scared of Being Responsible?

That is a weird question. I know! But it is a valid question. A sizeable number of men are afraid to take up responsibilities when it comes to relationships. Commitment issues. Yes! You guessed it right. Your man needs some training if he is scared to take your responsibility.

Commitment insecurities stem from novelty. Has he never been in a serious relationship before? Are there any marital complications in his family? Does he have trust issues? It is kind of clear why he is scared of responsibilities if you yes said to all. So, don’t blame him. Talk to him. Reason with him. Tell him what you expect in a relationship and ask him about his expectations. But above all, let him take his time. Understand that you cannot force anybody for commitment. Wait for him. He will come around.


Nobody is perfect. Sometimes, you just need to make the right arrangements to bring out the best in people. Men are more receptive than we give credit. They listen intently when you talk to them about something that they think would benefit them. Therefore, pick the right words, make the right moves. And always remember that every man is unique. Some of these tricks may not work on your man at all whereas, on some, it would work like a charm. It all depends on the guy you are in a relationship with. Feel free to draw inspiration from my experiences. Good luck, babe!

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Categories
Love & Relationships

12 Basic Rules for Every Successful Friends-With-Benefits Relationship

Hold this guide as a bible!


Understand the Concept of Friends With Benefits

With westernisation taking over Indian society, we are gradually learning to embrace it instead of fighting it. And with that, we have begun to accept the existence of friends with benefits, too. But it has become so much that we have forgotten that we are not made for it.

Having commitment issues, casual relationships and moving in together are all western concepts. In India, we like having a serious relationship. We become sure about our love after we begin a relationship with someone and not before getting into a relationship with them. To summarise, we like to have love around us. So, a commitment issue is an incredibly foreign topic for us. Our culture teaches us to work on a relationship until you die. And that is also the reason that the divorce rate has been so low in India for such a long time.


This arrangement also comes with a set of rules


But things are changing. Men feel the need to be free. And women don’t want to be with someone they don’t like or know anymore. Safe to say, we are not willing to adjust now, which brings us back to the western influence. If you don’t like it, leave it. And one such influence has made its way in the Indian society called Friends with Benefits. Amidst all these emerging ideologies about relationships, having a friend with benefits is like an escape that we want. A friend with benefits is a special friend whom you can casually hookup with but have no emotional baggage for. The answer to all your prayers, no? I can hear the men agreeing.

Like all things, this arrangement also comes with a set of rules. Unbreakable rules! Rules that if you don’t follow can mess up things for you. So, before you completely misunderstand the concept and do something that you should not, let’s check out the 12 basic rules for every successful friends-with-benefits relationship.


1. Be honest about what you want exactly

This is like an unspoken rule about engaging in a friends-with-benefits situation. And it is probably the most important rule. (One rule to rule them all!!!) Although you are in this for fun and adventure, it is essential that you keep the communication channel open. Make honesty a strict policy. In fact, be as casual as you can be. Remember that they are your friend. And you don’t have to be hesitant to put across your point in a friendship.

You see, the whole problem stems out of a simple fact that people have a massive misconception about friends with benefits as an arrangement. The concept is relatively new in India. The films we watch influences us primarily. Heck, those films are the ones that end with a romantic song where the boy and the girl walk toward the sun holding each other’s hands. And once again we are assured that all casual hookups end in a relationship. Eventually. But that’s what romcoms do. They are feel-good movies. And that is why they are our guilty pleasure. They are not to be mistaken to be realistic or logical.

If you are looking for just a casual one night stand, let them know. Tell them if you tend to get emotionally drawn to a person after sleeping with them. If you don’t want them to be hooking up with other people while they are with you, let them know about that, too. Be clear and honest about what you want.

2. Keep it strictly physical if you are not looking to be emotional

Some people feel keeping your friend with benefits strictly physical is kind of derogatory. They say that it makes them feel like they are some kind of sex workers. But there is nothing slutty about satisfying your sexual needs without having to carry emotional baggage around. Firstly, you are doing it with someone who is giving their consent. Secondly, there is no monetary exchange involved (MANDATORY!!). So, as long as you are sure of what you want, you are good to go.

The biggest problem with involving your emotions in this kind of arrangement is that it makes you develop certain expectations from your partner. And it is not fair to this other person because honestly, you don’t get the right to latch your feelings onto another being like a conjured up ghost. However, if you are looking to be emotional, might as well find an actual partner because a friend with benefits would only be contradictory to what you desire. After all, it is called ‘no strings attached’ for a reason.

3. Dining out is okay but going on a date is NOT

Understand the no-nos. The things that you should not do with a friend with benefits. You cannot ask them to cuddle you. No meeting families and even if you do, you should avoid acting like you are involved in any way while you are around them. And most importantly, NEVER go out on a date with them.

First, let’s differentiate between a dine-out and a date. A dine-out does not end with either a kiss or sex. But a good date has a high possibility of ending with both. The bill at a dine-out is taken care of by both the individuals, whereas you know what happens on a date. In fact, the topics of conversation are also completely different at both these events. Dates are more personal whereas dine-outs are not something where you constantly worry about making an impression.

4. Keep no room for jealousy

If you come to think of it, having a friend with benefits is far more complicated than having an actual, emotional relationship. Such an arrangement requires a high level of maturity, honesty and above all an ability to comprehend complex relations. Being a human being (wow, that was a weird sentence), it is not easy to control your emotions or keep a check on how you respond to situations. So, slip-ups happen. Don’t beat yourself up.

As mentioned earlier, it is completely all right if you don’t want your coital companion to be shacking it up with someone else. Maybe you don’t feel it is safe enough for you. Perhaps you have hygiene issues or maybe you are not entirely fond of the idea of sleeping with someone who is involved with someone else. You don’t wish to be the other man/woman. The reason could be anything. But the point is that there should be some rationale behind it. They should be valid.

You can’t get jealous if you find your friend with benefits flirting with someone or trying to get into a relationship. That is off limits. And if your possessiveness is getting the better of you, then I am afraid, this may not be an ideal thing for you to get yourself into.

5. Don’t make being friends with benefits a habit. Keep looking for a relationship if you feel you are ready

Sure, you are just out of a long, tiring relationship. You are emotionally exhausted, and you don’t feel attracted enough to anyone to start a relationship with them. Perhaps you are mentally worn out. But isn’t that always how this type of arrangement occurs? Well, not trying to psychoanalyse you or anything but sometimes, you are just afraid of getting hurt. This is when you put up your defences. Similar to how a porcupine protects itself.

If done correctly and for the right reasons, having a casual sex buddy may serve as refreshment before the next course (still talking about relationships but good to know you are paying attention!). But just like you cannot go through an entire day with only refreshments, it is essential that you keep looking for someone whom you can date and have a complete relationship, as well. That is when you are ready to start dating again.

6. Never hook up with an actual friend just because it is convenient

Now, this is something that you must be utmost careful about. No matter how much the concept of friends with benefits fascinates you, you ought to remember that you live in a shy society. And while you would think that there is nothing wrong with casually hooking up with someone, not everyone around you will agree with it. So, if you learn that one of your good friends is looking for something that you are, don’t jump them. Take a moment to think. Things do not always end well when something like this steams up.

Are you willing to get benefits from your friend at the cost of your friendship? How important is this friendship for you? It is advisable that you avoid having such an arrangement with a friend whom you have known for a long time. Because even if things don’t work out, you would not be losing two things at one time.

7. Don’t be afraid to catch feels

On the contrary to what Katy Perry proposes, you should be afraid to catch feels if they are for your friend with whom you are sleeping. Besides, Katy Perry should be the last person you should be taking relationship advice from. For someone who is always in control, this might seem like a bit of silly advice because you might think that you can manage your feeling well enough to let them become a problem for you. However, don’t forget you should never play with fire. Even if you have thought twice before doing it.

The whole idea behind friends with benefits is that you get to have sex without having an emotional string attached to them. So, when you bring your feelings into the picture, it begins to get ugly. Hence, it is recommended that you steer clear from catching feelings for your arousal acquaintance.

8. Never intentionally break up an already established relationship

One of the worst mistakes that people do when it comes to having a friend with benefit is that they end up getting involved with someone who is already in a relationship with someone else. Friends with benefits is an arrangement that is ideal only for people who are single. If you not single, you don’t get to have a friend with benefit. And if you do, that would be cheating.

Always remember what your objective for getting busy with a friend is. Yes, there has to be an objective for when you are planning to sleep with someone. Is it to get over a breakup? Do you think you don’t need to be in a relationship just to have sex? Are you doing this to boost your confidence? It could be anything. But there has to be something.

9. The only calls you should be making to each other are booty calls

Before you get into a friends-with-benefits situation, you should swear by this rule! You can’t call someone you are only sleeping with to have a midnight chat. Things between the two of you should be limited only to the bedroom. Anything outside that should be strictly avoided. No coffee dates in the balcony, no meeting on the terrace to talk about your feelings, no crying about exes. This should be a fun relationship and anything apart from that would be criminal.

You can call your sleep buddy only when you want to sleep with them. Forget what you have seen in films. You can’t expect to have a close, personal relationship with them while you are secretly bumming each other. Don’t cross that border.

10. Don’t do everything you are asked to do because you feel that you have to oblige

You might do this in a relationship because they are different. In a relationship, you have to do everything you can to make the other person happy. You should be at your best behaviour and be willing to do anything that would bring a smile to their face. This is the foundation of every good relationship. Also, it means you have to sacrifice your wishes sometimes to make your partner happy, including doing certain things that they like in bed that you don’t.

Having a friend with benefits is hugely different from having a normal relationship. You are not obliged to do everything you are asked to do. Even if the person practically begs you for it. You can say no because there are no emotions involved. You are just sleeping with each other. Taking care of their feelings is not your obligation. That said, being a friend with benefit does not give you the right to be a jerk as seen in most films (where a devilishly handsome man gets away with everything even by being a jerk to the people he is sleeping with). You should always be nice to people. But you don’t have to do anything with which you don’t agree.

11. Remember that they are not your backup

A backup is someone with whom you have a kind of verbal contract. You know you can fall back on them if nothing else works for you. Of course, in Indian society, that backup is not a person. It is an arranged marriage. But you get the point. You can’t be having sex with your backup. At least that should not be the only foundation of your relationship.

You can only have a backup with a person whom you have known for a long time and actually like outside the bedroom. Sure, if the wind blows in a different direction, you may get to know your friend with benefits apart from their bedroom skills. That is if you both agree that you want to take things to the next level. But that is a different matter altogether. Till then, consider your special friend as a benefit only and nothing more.

12. Don’t expect a relationship to pop out of it eventually

Elaborating on the above point, you should not expect your special arrangement to turn into a relationship. You need to keep a check on the level of involvement you have with each other. This means you both can’t just spend so much time together that it begins to look like you have moved in together. Also, you can’t leave your stuff over at each other’s place. You can’t let yourselves feel that you have an actual normal relationship. That is a dangerous territory to get into. Therefore, unless your objectives change, don’t expect to have a relationship with your friend with benefits.

Have you ever had a friend with benefits? Share your experience in the comment section for your fellow readers!

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Love & Relationships

11 Uncommon Things Men Expect from their Girlfriends

Women are not half as complicated as men are. Men have complex thought patterns that you can only understand when you are entirely open to experiencing the most incredible of things. They have beautiful minds, and the good part is that they are willing to let you be a part of that. However, to gain access, you either need to be extremely lucky or be precisely the kind of person he expects you to be.

I know. How can any girl be the perfect version of a man’s dream girl? I have got news for you. I asked a few men about what they expect from women that they swear they never share with anyone and packaged all their 11 expectations in this blog in the easiest manner possible for your understanding.

There’s no need to feel intimidated because these are nothing that every woman can’t do. You don’t need to be a superwoman to meet all these expectations. But you would surely become your man’s superwoman once you start applying all these secrets to your relationship. Dive in!

1. Give the ultimate advice

Do you think all men want to feel superior in their relationships? Well, think again. Because one of the primary things that men look for in their significant other is their ability to outsmart them. They love a woman whom they can approach whenever they face a crisis and expect the ultimate solution to all their problems. Remember how you have been told that men prioritise a woman’s appearance as her greatest asset above all? That’s rarely true now that everyone is so completely emotionally wrecked and need someone to hold on.

Men, too, seek meaningful conversations. They expect their woman to understand their thoughts and guide them in the right direction. And any man who sees a future with you would always come to you for your opinions about whatever he is doing.

Men truly expect you to be their ‘significant other!’

2. Be optimistic in life or at least try to be

Men like being your punching bag. They love the fact that you trust him so much as to fall back on him whenever need be. And trust me, they are more than willing to hear everything that went wrong in your day. However, don’t abuse this benefit.

Women who crib about their lives constantly and keep telling men how they are about to give up, end up being resentful in men’s eyes. Sure, they know that you are going through a rough time, but that does not mean that you quit seeing the silver lining.

Learn to positive in life. Be the one that he looks up to when he feels low to gain courage and motivation. Seeing you optimistic and happy about what you do, will keep him pumped up throughout the day. By just being positive toward your problems, you would make his day.

3. Spend enough time together but give some space without being asked for it

Probably said by almost every other relationship blog practically a million times before, give your man space. He needs to see other people, too, without feeling guilty about leaving you alone for one night. Now, this does not mean that you would guilt-trip him for leaving you on your own. When he makes plans with his friends, assure him that you are okay with him having some solo fun without you because you would not be sulking in your bed either.

Tell him what you plan to do when he is away so, he knows that you are not lonely without him. And even if you are not going to do anything, lie. Do the things that you have been wanting to do without him such as watch a movie that you have wanted to for a year, and he would jokingly judge you for it or learn to cook something new. You can do anything for the house is your playground for the night.

However, don’t forget to call him off when he is going away way too much. Men tend to lose control and not realise that they are going out more than they should. Telling him this upfront would not ruin your relationship. He would understand it. Men are smart creatures.

4. Be you rather than the internet version of yourself

OMG, lit, LMAO, vibe, etc., are words that look good in the comment section or on the Instagram captions only. And there is no harm in following the trend. The real problem starts when you use them IRL. (See what I did there? That seemed awkward, didn’t it?) If it does not look good even in blogs, why do you think the words “OMG, we totally vibed, tho!” would sound good when you utter them?

Men expect women to be real. You see we are all divas on social media. We look breath­-taking in those awesome filters. But would you be with someone who has an arrow-struck filter on their face? No! So, why do you think anybody would put up with your internet slang-filled language?

The truth is you can be an animal activist on social media, but your man knows that you are a hardcore non-vegetarian. You can be the funniest person when uploading memes online, but your man knows how much of low self-esteem you have when you are alone. You can be Mother Teresa on your Instagram stories, but he knows that you would beat the hell out of your ex-best friend before entertaining the thought of forgiving her. So, if he knows it all, why not be the real you instead of showing him that side of you that everyone who follows you know. There is nothing special about that.

5. Ditch the filters when taking selfies

Dogs are cute. But they are cute because they are so different from what humans are. And that is why those dog filters look so ridiculous on people. Same goes for every other filter. The floral crown filter that shrinks down the fat on your face and makes it appear thinner? Ditch that, too.

I don’t mean to sound bitter, but this is how men feel when they see their woman upload their selfies using these filters. They want to see you the way you look. Men prefer women’s naturally flawed skin, their unique complexion and their lovely smile that makes their day. In fact, you can DM him your goofy pictures when he is at work, and he would admire it more than your other photoshopped images.

6. Be intellectually challenging to him

You know when you beat him at Scrabble, and he blames you for cheating? He secretly admires that quality in you. He loves it when you whip his butt and challenge his brain. You would think that he enjoys hanging out with his friends because he feels so smart in their company, but the truth is that he loves spending time with you even more than he does with his friends because he thinks he gets to learn from you.

7. Be approachable, accessible and easy to talk to BUT not with everyone

Women tend to take “I don’t like talking to people” a bit too far. They become rude and make fun of people who approach them or even wish to be friends with them. Now, I know this because we want to ensure our safety, but we can dial it down a notch. Instead of being so hostile all the time, learn to be nice. This means even if someone offers you a drink at a restaurant, rather than telling them where to put it, politely refuse.

Men love to see women in control. They like to know that their woman can take care of herself even when they would not be around. But this does not mean that you are nice to everyone. If someone is trying to take your niceness for granted, stand up and show them where they can put it.

Confused? Well, just keep in mind that you should be nice to his people and other innocent humans who don’t appear to have malevolent intentions. To all the other people, well, you know it better, ladies!

8. Understand his referential jokes

See how his face lights up when you understand his references? Drawing from my personal experience, I never followed any of my boyfriend’s references when we first got into a relationship, and that disappointed him very much. But I saw fireworks in his eyes when I got his Harry Potter reference for the first time. After that, we sort of just read each other’s mind now.

You should know that “sawaal ek, jawab do” is from Andaz Apna Apna and that you must reply it with “sawaal jawab, sawaal jawab. Chup! Lambi khamoshi” and “dekha dekha?” should be followed with “nahin dekha re, uske dekhne se pehle hi maine utha liya.” Also, if you find yourself in a “heads main jeeta, tails tu haara” situation with him, abort mission. He is way too smart!

9. Give compliments whenever possible

It is not just a man’s duty to shower you with compliments whenever you dress up or in that case, dress down *wink wink* so, make sure that you do your part and make him feel special, too. Tell him how nicely you think he is carrying his watch and that you love the fact that he shaved to go out on a date with you.

Compliments are like small reinforcements for men. It helps them to learn something new as well as repeat it the next time. You would quickly notice a difference in his behaviour when you would encourage him to do something by complimenting him. But you would not see it if you yell at him. What matters is that you make him feel good by complimenting him every chance you get. Even though he is a man, he loves to hear someone appreciate him for something that he has done.

10. Don’t question his ability to provide for you

Not all but some women do have this tendency of questioning their man’s ability to take care of her. While you may have good intentions behind doing this, it is something that can quickly bring your man’s morale down. Asking him this would make him feel insecure about his capabilities and talent. This is especially true for those men who belong to the creative industry.

Remember that you are his pillar. Imagine how he would feel if you would question his abilities to provide for you. Have faith in him. He knows what he is doing so, let him be. Honestly, he thinks about taking care of you more than you do. Men always wish for a family for whom they can be responsible. So, if ever he feels that he is not able to take care for you, he would approach you for help. But you need to let him initiate it instead of jumping him.

11. Allow him to speak to you like you are his best friend first

Yes, you are his significant other, but he expects you to be his best friend first. If he is spending most of his free time with you, that means he needs you to be someone that he can confide in so that he can talk to you about how he feels about certain things. So, if you don’t be that person, he would have no one to talk to, which would truly upset him.

Things to keep in mind when you are his best friend and not his girlfriend –

  • Don’t judge. If he tells you that he inebriated so much that he got an enormous hangover, don’t make him feel like he is the worst person alive. Reason with him.
  • Listen! Some more! And then some more! You can talk all you want when it is your time, but when you are his best friend, let him be the one to talk.
  • Don’t jump to biased conclusions. Even if you know where all his thoughts are rooting from, ask him if he knows what is triggering his thoughts. Only tell him if he asks you.

Now that you know what men expect from women don’t keep all this good stuff to yourself. Share this with your fellow women to make their lives a little easier. Gather all your lady friends. You never know you might just save a relationship!

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Love & Relationships

25 Films Every Couple Should Watch Together

There is a reason why films have been such an influential part of our society. Several things that we can’t experience personally, we experience through movies. Out of the many things we learn from films, I believe we learn our various ‘how-tos’ about relationships just by watching them. Our behaviour in a relationship, our way of expressing our love, and our way of making it work are all heavily influenced by the films that we watch.

While you may have watched the best romances on the silver screen, there is a possibility that you missed out on some. And even if you did watch them, there is a possibility that you missed out on the valuable relationship lessons they gave. Whether it is a date night or a movie night, here are 25 films that every couple should watch together and learn from it.

1. The Spectacular Now

One of the best coming of age movies that I have watched in recent times, The Spectacular Now is a brilliant film that deals with relationships and family drama. The story revolves around a young boy who is trying to find meaning to his life while dealing with the agony of not knowing his father. Completely messed up (he does not know that he is messed up), he begins to see Aimee, who is stuck in between an irresponsible mother and a boyfriend who does not quite understand her love for him.

Why I recommend every couple to watch this movie together is to know how two different worlds can create a beautiful relationship. The film teaches you to deal with your temperament and how a situation can always be resolved if one person could just remain the sensible one.

2. La La Land

I watched La La Land alone, and after I realised what a masterpiece it was, I watched it with my boyfriend, who was a sceptic at first, but now loves the film. If you think that it is another Hollywood romance that you have already watched in a thousand ways before, you couldn’t be more wrong.

The film tackles with two people who are in a relationship and are trying to make it big in the dream city. Their journey is a rollercoaster ride full of excellent cinematography and magnificent dance sequences. And although all that is nice, the music takes not only the cake but also the bakery for me. The film is a passion project that wonderfully showcases the classic battle between your dream and your love.

3. Dum Laga Ke Haisha

When it comes to unique and unconventional romances, Dum Laga Ke Haisha is probably one of the most modern films made in Bollywood. It tears down the stereotype of size zero leading ladies and stands boldly on the silver screen without too much makeup. It hits us with the long-forgotten truth that beauty comes in all sizes and that love can bloom anywhere. But don’t think that the movie is boring just because it approaches love sensibly as well as emotionally. Dum Laga Ke Haisha is a fun and adventurous film with a bunch of “ha ha” moments.

4. The Vow

Based on a real incident, The Vow is a story about a woman who loses her memory in an accident. And now that she has forgotten that she was ever married to her husband, it is her man’s relentless mission to remind her of their history.

The movie teaches you about love, courage and sacrifice. It shows you how you never give up on your loved ones no matter how difficult it gets for you to move ahead. And that is why this film is something that every couple must watch together.

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5. The Devil Wears Prada

If you are in a relationship while being a workaholic, you are in for a treat. Torn between two worlds of career and love, these women in New York are trying to figure out what matters more to them. There is something for everyone in this movie and by that, I mean, while the women get to meditate their eyes with stunning outfits and accessories, the men get to enjoy the sight of three gorgeous and talented women stumbling and getting back up.

6. Easy A

Sex is such a big deal when you are in high school. This movie perfectly shows how difficult it is to survive your academic life when you are surrounded by people who know nothing but starting rumours and making other’s life miserable.

Now, this movie is a little too special for us, Indians. Easy A is about a girl who lies to her best friend about sleeping with a guy over the weekend when in reality all she was trying to do was ditch her and her family. What starts as a benign lie told inside the closed walls of a washroom, turns into a real mess when people begin to refer to her as the “school slut,” when she is absolutely chaste. Since we all know how sensitive Indians get when they come to know that someone is having sex and how a sizeable number of them start to slut-shame a person for doing something that is entirely natural, you would thoroughly enjoy this film and relate to it.

You won’t regret it.

7. Edward Scissorhands

My parents watched this on one of their dates, and they still talk about it. Edward Scissorhands is a fantasy about Edward who has, yes, you guessed it right, scissors instead of hands. He is more of a metaphor to the society than an actual believable character. And the movie is more than what we see on the surface. The film is about loving and accepting someone who is different from the rest of the world. It is about making sacrifices so you can keep them safe. Do watch it.

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8. Anjaana Anjaani

Another Hindi film that dared to be different with a better storyline than most Bollywood films that we are so used to, Anjaana Anjaani is an excellent movie that focuses on self-discovery after the end of a relationship. It is important for everyone to learn how to deal with a breakup if there is one and come out of it stronger than before. While it may appear to be your ordinary tale of romance where two people find love in each other, Anjaana Anjaani is more than that. It is about loving yourself before loving someone else.

9. Ki & Ka

I am really glad I watched this movie even if it was only for my guilty pleasure. Because I was happy with the way things turned out in this one. R Balki tried taking a different route in Ki & Ka and focused on the female ego instead of the male one, which was quite refreshing.

Ki & Ka is about an unconventional couple wherein the woman is a workaholic, but the man wishes to be a stay-at-home husband because he wants to build a home rather than a bank account. What seems to be the perfect arrangement initially, turns into a real sticky situation. Things go south when the man begins to excel at his chores and gets famous for being the ‘best husband’ that there can be. The focus is then shifted from our male protagonist who is a rising star to the female protagonist who is also excelling at her work, however, starts to go unnoticed.

Besides the many, many, many brand integrations, there is a lot of learnings available in this film, mainly because it looks at relationships from a very different perspective.

10. 10 Things I Hate About You

Apart from the beautiful actors (Heath Ledger and Joseph-Gordon Levitt, I know!), the film features two different sets of relationships. It shows their journey right from they meet to when they fall in love and begin to have issues. The film embraces young love. And even though people don’t give much importance to it, 10 Things I Hate About You draws our attention to it because it is an impressionable age and it can really influence an individual’s personality. And that is why it is such a must-watch movie for couples.

11. The Lunchbox

Bollywood’s ground-breaking romantic flick opened a path for the unusual, elderly romance with extreme poise. The Lunchbox is one of the more mature arts that was produced in Bollywood, which needs to be appreciated. It was such a beautiful take on blind dates. It was precisely what true romance is about.

The film tells a story about a housewife who is bound in an unloving marriage. It also follows a widower who has nothing much to look forward to in his life. Their paths cross due to a rather fateful exchange of a lunchbox, which was supposed to go to the woman’s husband. Upon realisation, they begin to communicate with each other through letters — kind of like pen pals.

If you still have not watched The Lunchbox, you are missing out on a gem of a production. Seriously, go watch it right now.

12. Juno

Another film that focuses on young-adult romance, Juno is bolder than any of the other movies on the list. Juno, a 17-year-old, gets pregnant with her boyfriend’s baby and decides to keep it. We follow the story of this young woman who roams around the school corridors with a baby bump. She deals with pregnancy shame like a boss lady.

More than being entertaining, this film is really inspiring. And it is not just for girls, mind you. The movie is for every couple who wishes to know the ‘what happens if.’ It tells you how you can deal with an accidental pregnancy the right way.

13. Get Out

I was really horrified when I watched this film because I never expected a relationship to go so wrong. It is impossible for me to tell you anything about this film without giving any spoilers. All I can say is that there is a reason why it reigned over the Oscars the year it was released.

14. Marley & Me

Usually classified under a dog movie, Marley & Me is more than that. If you see it from a different point of view, you will notice that it is not just about Marley. It is also about the couple who adopted him. About how wonderful your romantic life is after your dog decides to sleep in your bed every night (sense the sarcasm?) And also about not having any privacy when you constantly have a big baby (who doesn’t think he is that big, no matter how big he is), to take care of.

If you have recently adopted a dog, believe me, this film is for you. You would not regret adopting your fur-baby after watching Marley & Me. Or maybe you would. Let’s see!

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15. The Imitation Game

Finally, we have a movie about a brilliant mathematician who is gay. How is that important you ask? Well, The Imitation Game is a period drama and a biography. And back then, homosexuality was a crime in the United Kingdoms. The film focuses on Alan Turing who deals with the pressure of decoding the Enigma (German technology, I tell you) to save thousands of lives and struggles to remain in the closet to save his own life.

16. The First Time

Although this film does not deal with any World War or homosexuality, it still is a pretty significant film for couples who are planning to have sex for the first time. So, you know why it was titled that way.

Leaving aside the romantic, jittery part, The First Time is quite an honest take on how first-time sex works. It shows the exact emotions of both the boy and the girl and handles the entire scenario with great maturity.

17. Gone Girl

Do you think you are in a relationship with a psycho? Gone Girl is going to increase your tolerance level; I assure you that. The film is maddening, extraordinarily graphic and downright disturbing. That said, it does an outstanding job of portraying flawed characters so, they are quite relatable. I bet you won’t be able to take sides because it is a paradoxical tale. Also, a small disclaimer for you–you might start seeing each other with suspicious eyes. Get ready to sleep with one eye open!

18. Vicky Donor

Bollywood has such great potential. And yet we don’t get to see more exceptional movies like this one here. Vicky Donor is a film that follows an idle young man who decides to become a sperm donor because… he can!

While his donor career is rocketing sky-high, the real trouble begins when he decides to settle down. Being from a conservative society, not everyone would be tolerant of sperm donation. Hence, starts the drama.

Vicky Donor is funny, charming and light-hearted. And it really makes you ask one question; would you accept your boyfriend/husband if he were a sperm donor?

19. Bruce Almighty

Anyone can blame God for everything that goes wrong, but what happens when you become one? Bruce has a good job and a great relationship. But he is never happy. Tired of his constant complaining, God decides to resign from His post and hands over His duties to Bruce. And soon, we witness the doom.

If you are unhappy with what you have, this is the movie for you. Also, if that is not enough reason for you to watch this movie, then this might motivate you a little; the film has Jim Carrey and Steve Carrell together.

20. Up

Not the movie, really, but the first 10 minutes are something that no one should miss. Seriously, what is with animated films? They are so incredibly relatable that it is almost annoying.

Once you are done watching Up, ask yourself this, “What would you do for your love?”

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21. Friends with Benefits

If there is one thing that movies teach us, it is that there are all kinds of relationships. And if there is love, they deserve to be accepted. For me, Friends with Benefits reflects how relationships are being approached these days. Nobody wants the emotional baggage. Everybody is merely running behind the physical stuff. And that is extremely upsetting. But what happens when things become complicated even in a strictly physical, unemotional arrangement?

22. Jo Jeeta Wahi Sikandar

I am very proud to be one of those who belong to the small group of people who truly appreciate this film. Jo Jeeta Wahi Sikandar may not appear to be a movie about romantic relationships, but Sanjay’s struggle to belong to the higher economic class and his failure to understand the true meaning of love and friendship are things that set this film apart. It is an absolute winner!

23. Zindagi Na Milegi Dobara

No, no. ZNMD is not just about Spain tourism. It is about friendship, love, resolving issues and moving forward. The film focuses on three different patterns of relationships and leaves the audience a lasting smile. For me, it is more of an experience than just a movie.

24. Chhoti Si Baat

Apart from its brilliant music and performances, the most striking element about Chhoti Si Baat is its story. It revolves around a young fellow named Arun who is hopelessly in love with Prabha but finds it very difficult to court her. After failing multiple times, Arun decides to seek help from a love expert Col. Singh, who has a reputation of bringing couples together with his guaranteed formula.

The love portrayed in this film is so innocent that it will warm your heart. It is refreshing even for that time, and it is sure to make you nostalgic.

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25. Barfi

Barfi was shamelessly ripped off from The Notebook. But there is something about Barfi that made me pay triple the price to watch it than I usually would have. Barfi deals with the romance kindling between an autistic girl, Jhilmil and a hearing and speech-impaired boy, Murphy. This peculiar romance is emotional, child-like and so pure that it would make any heart melt. Another example of how the definition of love changes for different relationships!

Do you have any excellent movie recommendations for couples? Write it down in the comment section below for your fellow readers!

Categories
Love & Relationships

Solo Fun – 30 Things to Do When Your Partner is Away

What could be worse than knowing that Elvis has left the building? You love your partner and swear that you can’t live without them. So, what happens when they actually go away for some time, and you have to hold the fort all by yourself? Catastrophe!!

Oh, don’t be so melodramatic! And stop pretending like you didn’t want this to happen. Stop acting that you didn’t secretly wish to get some alone time so you can have your solo fun for a few days.

Being boo-less for a few days does not have to be so depressing and melancholic as it sounds. Instead of crying in a corner and missing them, why not make this time apart a fun vacation? Cheer up, better halves, because we are going to discuss 30 fun things that you can do when your partner is away. Don’t let this guilt-free, excellent and probably once-in-a-lifetime opportunity slip out of your hands by constantly missing your significant. You can do that while having some solo fun.

Read on to know how!

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1. Watch a Movie that You Never Agreed on

Remember how much you enjoyed living alone and watching whatever you felt like watching without having your partner’s judgmental eyes stuck on you? Golden days, weren’t they?

Well, get ready to have that time back again because you are going to fall short of time to watch all the movies that you snuck away in your vault because your partner did not like them. Pull up your watchlist and watch every film from your ‘watch later’ folder. Trust me; you are going to love it. Only the fortunate ones get this kind of opportunity.

2. Eat Healthily – Get in Shape

When you are living with not just your partner but anyone for that matter, you tend to eat what is collectively decided. And if you give up easily, you would find that you are eating what the other person is choosing for you. And most of the times, you end up eating more than what you should ideally be eating.

In this alone time, with your partner away, why not opt for a healthier lifestyle? It is easier to lose weight when you are not continually cooking for two. How about that salad that you refused to eat because you wanted to eat a full course meal? And while you are at it, hit the gym. Exercising would help you feel less emotional (lonely, in other words, because let’s face it, of course, you miss your boo) and also help you get a good body.

3. Make Plans with Friends Whom You Haven’t Met in a Long Time

Let’s not kid anyone, here. We know how we neglect our friends when we are with our special someone. It is not because you don’t like them anymore or find them annoying. It is because you are enjoying spending time with your babe more than your friends. But that is love and love is mushy.

So, take this time off and see your friends. It will be good for a change, and unless your old friends are like mine (dumb and with a lousy sense of humour), you will not regret it.

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4. Let Your Hands, Legs, and Blanket Spread on the Bed

Snuggling with your partner feels lovely, doesn’t it? But sometimes, your body needs that space. It needs to feel free. And your partner being away is the perfect time to feel precisely that! The bed is your playground, spread like the plague!

5. Skip the Shower and Set a Record – If You into That Kind of a Thing

Not all superheroes wear a cape and not all Guinness Book records are set by eating a thousand eggs in 30 minutes or pulling a tow truck with your hair (it is a thing, look it up). Some people do less and be more. Try going without a shower for as long as you can. To tell you mine, the longest I have gone is for three days. And I have never been more disgusted with myself, but I still wear it as an achievement on my sleeve.

While this may not be an option that everyone would approve of, for you naysayers, I have plenty of other options. Keep scrolling down!

6. Go to Lunch Alone and Purposely Click Pictures to Make Your Partner Jealous

When I do this, I make sure to order all my boyfriend’s favourite food items so, he regrets not being there. I, not only Instagram the pictures (to show people that I have a life, too) but also personally DM them to him, followed by my evil laughter.

You can also take a book along with you if you are planning on eating alone. I love reading while eating, and instead of pretending to read, I actually read. Try that! You might actually like it.

7. And While You Are at It, Go to a Movie Theatre… Alone

I recently watched The Nun alone because I had been waiting for it for a long time and although we had planned to watch it together, my boyfriend and I ended up moving to different cities, because of which I was forced to watch it alone. But apart from the movie being utter torture, the experience of watching a movie all by myself was delightful. I loved every bit of it. I even made fun of the other couples in my head by calling them ‘too dependent,’ something that I was until two years ago but now I am not so, I can say that!

Another reason why I loved being alone at the theatre was that I didn’t have my boyfriend constantly yapping in my ears while watching the movie. Yes, he is one of those, and after his nonstop prattling during A Quiet Place, I have decided to kick him out of the theatre the next time he does that and do humanity a huge favour.

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8. And After That, Go Shopping!

And after that, I went shopping. I went to Crossword but don’t worry, I didn’t buy a book. I am not always dull. Instead, I bought the newest edition of Scrabble!! (Nerd alert)

The point I’m trying to make is that I did everything that gave me joy and made me happy and I didn’t regret any second of that day. And I cannot wait to do it again… That’s what she said!

9. Or… Get Some Wine and Shop on Your Laptop

But just because everyone does it, you don’t have to. Window shopping at a mall can be painful, especially if you are broke. Thanks to the internet, now you can window shop at home and not feel embarrassed when you don’t buy anything.

Like Jules Austin from The Intern said, “A woman with a glass of wine and a laptop has a great shopping potential.” Well, a man, too. Everyone does.

10. Treat Yourself with Those Facemasks That He Thought Made You Look Funny

This one is strictly for the ladies.

You know how much those Korean facemasks costs and it is painful not to have time to use them because there always had to be something or the other that kept getting in the way of you and your night-time beauty routine.

But now, you can use them. You can sleep with them on your face and even wake up wearing one of those things and still be okay because there would not be anyone to react with a scare after looking at your face.

11. Have a Boys’ Night/Girls’ Night In

Having your partner go away for a few days calls for some great fun. It is a golden opportunity to do many things. And one such thing is calling over your girls and your boys to your place and getting a party started. Get the drinks, the food and all the other stuff, including the right movies or TV shows and the right games. Don’t forget to bring at least one of these below-mentioned games to your party – Twister, Bingo, Guess Who, and Pictionary. They are incredibly fun!

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12. Wear Your Partner’s Clothes and Pose

Don’t you just love going through your partner’s wardrobe when they are away and cross-dressing? It is actually fun. I know that women are always accused of stealing men’s sweaters, hoodies, jackets, shirts and everything else that fits them but to spill the beans, men are no less. They don’t show it, but they actually enjoy going to women’s stuff, trying them on and posing in front of the mirror.

Crossdressing in your partner’s clothes is not only fun, but it also helps you with any emotional instability that you may be feeling about your partner being away from you. It helps you with the missing part, too.

And while you are doing that, don’t forget to click some beautiful pictures.

13. Go for the Evening Long Drives

I am not suggesting that you go on a self-loathing, “no one loves me” kind of a long drive where you listen to Akon’s Mr Lonely or something similar to that. Also, no way should you carry an alcoholic drink while you are driving as if you are pretending to be in a cheesy romantic comedy. I am talking about a good evening drive by yourself where you can take some time off for yourself and do some productive thinking. It is okay if you feel a little depressed or lonely, but remember that you need this time out. Enjoy the light breeze, the beautiful colour of the night and the lovely moonlit sky without anybody’s company.

14. Play KBC on Your Phone

I do this when I am alone. I do this when I am with my boyfriend. In fact, we both enjoy playing KBC online. There are plenty of apps on the app store and the playstore that allow you to experience the real KBC.

Now, I know that you can play other kinds of quiz and games on your phone when you are alone but being an Indian has its perks. And one of them is Kaun Banega Crorepati. It is one of the oldest game shows on Indian television. And there is something about that game that fills your heart with thrill every time you play it.

Test your intelligence and challenge your mind with this solo fun!

15. Read a Killer Thriller

I specifically say thriller because these are the only kind of books that would not make you emotional or bring out your sensitive side. Thriller novels help you get your thinking caps on and incept the rush of adrenaline in your body. And that is why they are a great buddy when you are alone. Also, the fear that they invoke in you that makes you question everything in your house and compels you to see your neighbours as potential serial killers is to die for. (Oh! The irony)

16. Buy New Furniture or Redecorate – If Your Pocket Allows

The last time I was alone in my house, I redecorated my entire bedroom. No, I am not super rich or anything. I was just considering doing that for a very long time but always kept procrastinating it. So, when I finally got the chance of sitting down with a bottle of the finest Shiraz (that I could afford), I let myself loose. I found the perfect furniture for my bedroom, the one it and I actually deserved and maxed out my credit card. Some of the best money I ever spent, by the way. In fact, I am writing this article sitting in my dream bed, and there is no way that I regret it.

17. Work Extra Time If That Is What You Love

No matter how big a workaholic you are and how much you love your job, you have to always come home on time because you have a particular duty toward your boo. And I know you don’t resent it, but sometimes, you just need to know that someday you can work without having to worry who is waiting at home for you. So, maybe this is the perfect time for that.

If you are like me, work would surely give you happiness, and you should always do the things that make you happy. So, now that your significant other is out of town how about pulling that all-nighter at the office and showing your boss who deserves to be on that chair?!

18. Take a Road Trip with Your Friends

This is the best time for taking a road trip with your friends. There is no guilt of leaving your partner alone at home while you are having fun with your friends. And you don’t have to worry about coming home to a puppy-faced human that has suddenly begun to give you a feeling that you have adopted them from a garage.

You don’t have to splurge or anything while you are on this road trip. You can still have fun even if you are running low on cash. What matters is that you go out and explore the streets.

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19. Try All the Makeup Tutorials That You Have Been Bookmarking for So Long

Why did you bookmark them if you never really tried them? It is because subconsciously you were hoping that one day you will be alone at home boo-less and you will get to work all those tips and tricks that your favourite makeup influencers had been persuading you to try to get that flawless look for the past five years.

Gurl, get your wet wipes and micellar because you know you are going to need it. It is not possible to recreate that look without looking like you are participating in a Halloween contest. Still, good luck!

20. Pull an All-Nighter Cricket Match with Your Boys

Speaking of wishing good luck, this one is specifically for the boys. You didn’t think I was going to be biased, did you?

Do you know what is the first thing that my boyfriend does when I go away? He calls up all his friends and organises a cricket match. Not just any match. This is an all-nighter. He would refuse if you ask him this, but I know that he secretly wishes that I go away just so that he can go and play. Don’t think I am controlling or anything. It is only his guilt ruling over him constantly that stops him from going to such matches when I am around.

Now, you can thank me for giving you this brilliant idea that you couldn’t think of first with all those superior genes.

21. Take One of Those Thoughtless Dance Challenges and Record It

Anyone can take a Dele Alli challenge and take a picture. The real good stuff is in the dance challenges. What you thought those dance challenges that people are going gaga over around the world were stupid? You are right! They are. But they are also terribly fun at the same time.

Besides the In My Feelings challenge that you may popularly know as the Kiki challenge, there are so many others that there are literally a hundred pages that feature all the new challenges that come up on the internet. Here are some of the safest yet fun list of challenges that you can try –

  • 100 layers challenge
  • Accent fun challenge
  • Try not to sing/laugh/yawn challenges
  • Flip the bottle challenge
  • Urban dictionary or internet slang challenge
  • Mannequin challenge. One of the most difficult challenges ever started.

Go crazy!

22. Get Sloshed While Binge-watching Your Favourite TV Show

It is okay if you get drunk at home. As long as you are on the safe premises, you need not worry about making a low budget Hangover IV. You can drink at home while watching The Office or Game of Thrones or Kasautii Zindagii Kay 2 (if you are into that dung).

I remember the time when the first season of How to Get Away with Murder came out, and I practically never left my laptop till the finished all the episodes because it was so incredibly amazing. But that was minus the alcohol. Still, it was fun. My point is you can drink when you are alone without pitying yourself or feeling depressed about not having your significant other around. You can drink for fun!

23. Arrange Your Bookshelf

That is if you have books. More than 3. And no, Durjoy Datta does not count. That kind of books doesn’t go on a shelf. In fact, why have a bookshelf for such books when you have a trashcan?

Arranging a bookshelf is next to meditation, and if you are a reader, you would agree with me. Get your most comfortable pyjamas on because this is going to take an entire day. Also, don’t forget to brace yourself from the nostalgia that you will be experiencing when you would go through every book and remembering the time when you first bought it.

24. Sleep for 13 Hours Straight on Weekends

Ah! I love this one. You know you work hard. And you know, deep down that you would never get appreciated for what you do at work. But just because your boss does not appreciate you, doesn’t mean you have to treat your body the same way. The best kind of thank you that you can say to your body is by letting it rest more than what it is used to. Don’t set the alarm. If you have an iPhone, turn on the bedtime mode. This way you would not miss out on any calls or messages. Turn off your internet. The longer you sleep, the more you would know how much your body had been craving for this kind of rest.

25. Create Artwork for Your Home

You can always buy a dreamcatcher or a nameplate from a store, but these things become more special and personal when you craft them yourself. And the best part is that both men and women can do this. Pull out your colours and supplies for this one because it is on.

26. Browse on the Weird Side of the Internet

How many times have you wandered off on the weird side of the internet unintentionally and regretted it because you spent 5 hours doing that and ended up watching a video titled “How Whales Dance” when you still had unfinished work? Relatable, right?

How about doing the same thing, but the only difference would be that this time it would be intentional? Now that you are alone, you can finally watch Vennu Mallesh and Taher Shah without being judged.

27. Have a Spa Day

If you do this one at home, beware of those scandalous spa places where they tell you it is a massage place, but it is actually not what you think it is. (Geddit? No? Think harder!)

Go to a legitimate spa place or call a reliable source. And if you think that maybe you should not do it because you don’t need it. Honey, everyone needs a spa day!

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28. Visit a Pet Shelter

It does not matter if you are a dog person or a cat person. What matters is that you go and spend time with those naughty kids and show them that humans are not the worst things that have happened to the planet. You would lose track of time and, it would be the best day of your life, I assure you.

29. Pretend to Be on MasterChef Australia

How many times have you dreamt about having your own cooking show? Thanks to Sanjeev uncle, every Indian wants their version of Khana Khazana now.

When your partner is away, you can cook and talk to your fake audience without being judged. It would be like being on MasterChef Australia. I say Australia because it is the best one. I mean have you seen Masterchef US and Masterchef India? Don’t get me wrong; I love Gordon Ramsay and Vikas Khanna. But could those two versions get any boring? I think not.

30. Count Your Savings

You may think that this is stupid and who actually takes out time just to count their savings, but I do. And trust me, you need some time to do it. If you think that you have been saving for quite some time and that you have lost track of your saving, get it out and start counting. In fact, why only stick to counting your savings? Go ahead and clean your wardrobe or do those little things that you thought you would do when the time is right. Now is the time.

Use this golden period to clean your mess so that when your partner is back, you will meet them with a fresh start as if your relationship is brand new!

What fun things do you do when your partner is away for a few days? Write it down in the comment section below for your fellow readers!

Categories
Love & Relationships

12 Things That Happen When You Play Hard to Get

Thousands of psychologists across the world have been studying the effects of playing hard to get on individuals for decades. And while several blogs say it is a sure-shot way of getting your better half, there are a lot of other possibilities, too. So, what happens when you play hard to get?

I have witnessed both men and women playing hard to get to make someone fall for them. I have always found this to be somewhat deceiving. I always think that it is wrong to play with someone’s feelings. But I am no expert. And that is why I thought of doing some research. Countless researchers have spoken about both the good and the ill effects of playing hard to get in their research papers. Here are 11 things that happen when you play hard to get.

1. You Risk Losing Your Mr Right/Ms Right

When you play hard to get, you tend to give out certain negative vibes to the other person. You let them feel they are unimportant to you or that their company does not matter to you. Nobody likes to feel they are chasing someone who is not interested in them.


Maybe you misjudged them!


So, when you make someone feel like that, you risk losing them. And I know that you are trying to make them realise that you are worth a lot more. But it can go horribly wrong. Maybe you never considered the possibility that they might respect you as much as you deserve. Perhaps you misjudged them for something that they are not. Playing hard to get could be dangerous territory.

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2. You May Not Be the Real You

Sometimes, when you are trying too hard, you end up being fake. This is not a good sign. Because this is no ordinary person. This is someone whom you may end up being in a relationship with if things work out. So, if you pretend to be someone that you are not, carrying on that act further would become a problem. Let’s look at one such possibility –

You are hanging out with a man who is not too fond of socialising. You lie to him saying you agree with him just because you want to appear ‘exclusive.’ If it works out between the two of you, how would you be able to manage your social circle if you are a social butterfly? It would almost be as if you are betraying him.

When you are playing hard to get, you end up promising things that you don’t really follow. And while maintaining these two separate lives may not seem like such a big deal right now, in time, it may become one.

3. Men Prefer Women Who Are Approachable

Anyone can play hard to get. But specifically talking about men, they like women who are approachable. No, I am not referring to women who don’t know where to draw the line. I am talking about women who are in control, who are mature enough to know who is right for them and who is not. Let me paint a picture for you. You are sitting at a restaurant, and three men offer you a drink. Now, you can either accept them all or refuse them all. And whatever you do would reflect your character. So, what would you do? You can actually ditch both those options and select the third option. You can choose which one of them to accept. Selectiveness!


What you do reflects your character!


When you ‘choose,’ you send out a message that you are not everyone’s cup of tea. You let people know you are not accessible to all. And men love a woman who keeps her social circle exclusive.

However, this also can go terribly wrong. If you are not a good judge of people, you might miss out on a good guy. And for that guy, you might become unapproachable, which would mean that for him, you are not the right woman. So, your playing hard to get charade might just come ricocheting back to you.

4. Women Prefer Men Who Give Them Complete Attention

Coming to the ladies, remember one thing that women are like dogs. It is funny but true. They require constant pampering and undivided attention. If you are a man thinking of playing hard to get, you might want to rethink your decision.

Women are lazy. Only a handful from a crowd of a hundred females would actually keep up with a man who is not giving them his complete attention. Think men have big egos? Women have egos that are 20 times bigger than theirs. So, if you think she would keep messaging you even if you reply only one out of the three messages that she sends you, you are in the wrong, my friend.

5. It May Take Longer than Usual

Typically, a relationship starts when two people like each other. They hang out, learn each other’s likes and dislikes, and understand each other’s perspectives. And this is healthy.


You channel all your energy toward being difficult!


However, when you are playing hard to get, you end up wasting too much time. You may get so focused on becoming a ‘challenge’ to the other person that it becomes more of a competition than anything else. You don’t realise this, but you channel all your energy toward being difficult. So, what could have happened in 2 days, takes two weeks. This can become really annoying for the other person, and there may develop certain resentful feelings. And this is unhealthy.

6. You May End Up Hurting Them

If someone is chasing you, it is obvious that they like you. So, it is important that you respect their feelings. While you are trying to be a challenge for someone, you might end up hurting them. Your ‘moves’ may seem smooth to you, but they may do irreversible damages to the other person. And this is not just speculation. It actually happens to many people. And it is ugly. So, be careful!

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7. Nobody Likes a Person Who Plays with Someone’s Ego

Playing hard to get is similar to teasing someone. So, if you are entering that territory, be ready for the consequences.

What happens when you don’t hit it off, or they don’t find you worth the hype? You may come across someone who is truly impatient and you teasing them might just trigger them. I know there is a lot of negativity oozing out from this possibility. But if you are going to do something to set someone off, you should be prepared for anything and everything.

8. You Begin to Think You Have the Upper Hand

Every relationship needs to have balance. That is the only way they survive. When you play hard to get, you become the one who is in power. And one thing we should know about relationships is that no one person should have all the power in a relationship. Both should have the same position. If not, there may be a lack of respect for either one of the individuals.

When you begin to think you have the upper hand in a relationship, the sense of freedom that accompanies with it may pose as a threat to your relationship. And while this may seem far-fetching, cheating is one thing that is derived from the feeling of superiority. So, you see, playing hard to get can indeed ruin your relationship.

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9. It Doesn’t Help People with OCD

One of the things that you are required to follow when you are playing hard to get is you have to bid adieu to your OCD. Let me elaborate on that. Forgetting your OCD means you cannot reply to any messages on time. You need to ensure that even if you are online, you take some time to text back. Besides, you cannot be punctual because you are trying to be breezy and casual. You also have to stop paying attention to detail like you usually do. Sometimes, you cannot be mindful either, which means you should be a little unattentive, as well. While some people think that doing things like these would make them more likeable, those at the receiving end of it often end up being hurt. And that is one thing that you should never intentionally do.

10. You Unintentionally Raise the Expectations

Remember what happened to The Nun? They set its premise since The Conjuring II. Then they incorporated her glimpse in the end credit scene of Annabelle Creation. And do you remember that awesome trailer with that terrifying jumpscare at the end of it? Yes, we all remember all of that! We were all so excited to see it on the silver screen. But do you remember what they did to the movie? Don’t stress because no one really does.


If you are setting out to create a hype, make sure you are worth it!


The point that I am trying to make here is that when you play hard to get, you raise the expectations of the other person. If you are setting out to create a hype, make sure you are worth it. Basically, ensure that you are worth their time.

11. They May Want You but Not Necessarily Like You

Let’s take some time to understand the difference between these two terms. When someone wants you, their desire is influencing them. However, when someone likes you, their feeling is drawn out of the qualities that they like or dislike in you. For example, you may desire the latest Batman action figurine after seeing an advertisement, but you may only like it after actually using it.

If you have been playing hard to get, you may strike a person’s fancy. But keeping that notion intact could become a problem. There are very few people who truly and relentlessly pursue their desires. Since you are portraying yourself as a challenge, the other person may treat you only as a challenge rather than an actual potential partner. And when that would happen, any possibility of being with them would nullify.

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12. You Might Actually Get Your Love

Out of all the things that can go horribly wrong, finding true love is something that may happen when you are trying to play hard to get. Sure, there are literally ten other bad things that may happen. But the only one thing that you are expecting to happen through this ‘I’m out of your league’ demeanour may actually happen.

In fact, some people enjoy pursuing people who make love challenging for them. They find it thrilling. While the odds are ten to one, it depends on whether you are willing to take the risk. And you may want to keep your fingers crossed for the stakes are higher. You never know, you might end up meeting the love of your life after all.

What do you think happens when you play hard to get? Write it down in the comment section below for your fellow readers!