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Love & Relationships

Catch the Liar – 25 Things Your Partner Does When They Are Lying to You

People who are habitual liars are extremely good at hiding their true feelings. It is difficult to even tell if they are really lying or actually telling the truth. But that does not mean there is no way to know it. You are safe because we have got you covered! We are not talking about small and harmless lies. Everyone tells them and it is okay because no one gets hurt. Instead, we are going to discuss the lies that can affect your relationship, and probably even ruin them. Those are the ones to look out for.

No matter how great and experienced a liar your partner is, they are sure to leave some hints of their lies. And that is when you can catch the liar. Here are 25 things that your partner will do when they are lying to you. And there is at least one sign that your partner will show out of all these. Let us get to work!

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1. They overcompensate for everything they do

Get ready for some surprises and several grand gestures. Your partner is going to do everything in their power to overcompensate. They will begin to make you feel like you are the ultimate human being. You may even start believing that they are the best boyfriend/girlfriend in this world. And that will fulfil their motive. Your partner will try to distract you with their grand gestures so that you don’t sense that they are doing something wrong. It is easier to notice something is fishy if there are no distractions and you are living your usual routine.

2. Their answers are really vague and breezy

Your partner will rarely give you the right answers to your question. No matter how easy and straight forward your questions are, you would never get a straight answer. Your question could be as simple as “what did you do today?” and the answer that you would get would be something extremely vague. It will feel like they are trying to be incredibly careful about what they say to you because one slip of the tongue can cost them their relationship with you. Your partner will usually choose to answer in one word or construct as small a sentence as possible. The sentences will be quite generic and something that will cut the conversation altogether.

3. They make it seem like it is all in your head

You are likely to hear sentences like “I won’t dignify that question with an answer” or “I can’t believe you are asking me this” if your partner is lying to you. The intention is to make your suspicion seem baseless. Your partner will straight up ridicule you when you confront them. Be prepared to be called ‘crazy’ and ‘psycho.’ And if push comes to shove, you will also get to see a guest appearance of your partner’s evil alter ego. They will become defensive, rude and their tone will become accusatory. Don’t be surprised if by the end of it you begin to feel that you are in the wrong. That is the exact intent of your partner.

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4. You get to witness the use of a ton of incomplete sentences

Have you ever heard of sentence fragments? You might have used them but probably don’t know them by its name. You will notice that your partner is not completing his sentences and therefore, never getting to the end of the story. They will speak in incomplete sentences that wouldn’t make complete sense because they would neither have verbs nor definitive structures. You might also find them using fewer or no pronouns at all. Instead of using “he/she, him/her,” they would repeatedly use the names of the characters in their story.

Something like, “I met Rajesh. Then Rajesh and I went out to dine. Rajesh had to leave early because he got a call so Rajesh and I took a cab home.” Get it?

5. They can’t complete the story in reverse

You can’t tell a story properly that is not yours. That is exactly what this is. Your partner can’t tell their lie in reverse because they have not lived through it in the first place. So if you have a great memory or are penning down their every word, you will catch them within minutes. It does not mean that you would keep doubting your partner. But when you have reasonable facts to justify your suspicion, be prepared to put your pen to the paper. Also, try asking your partner random questions about something they said some time ago while telling their story. And watch them falter!

6. Similarly, the tone and voice change

Our tone changes from situation to situation and person to person. Your partner’s pitch may rise or drop significantly when they are lying to you. They would find it difficult to maintain their normal scale of speech. Their tone may become more commanding if they are trying to make you feel like it is all in your head. And it will be calm and composed if they are trying to maintain a low profile around you. In this case, they will also avoid fighting or arguing with you and accept everything you say.

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7. There is a shift in the direction in which their eyes move

Several studies on human behaviour suggest that humans tend to look to their right when they lie. But this is only true for the right-handed people. It is quite the opposite for the left-handed people. They tend to look to their left when they lie. According to the studies, looking to the right (right-handed people) and left (left-handed people) allow people to construct an imaginary tale. Although there are some psychologists that have dismissed this theory, some continue to believe it. In any case, our eyes speak louder than our words. Probably even louder than our actions. So pay attention to your partner’s eye movements when you confront them.

8. They use more gestures than usual

It is a well-known fact that people use more hand gestures when they are not entirely confident about their content. The hand gestures help them to distract the other person from paying attention to only their speech. That is because you have a higher chance of not believing them when you are only paying attention to what they are saying. The hand gestures add more credibility to their story. So watch out for those.

9. They give too many or too few details

Your partner will give out way too many details about their story to make it more credible. This is another way of overcompensating for their guilt. But doing that also helps them remember their story. On the contrary, your partner may also resort to telling you as little about the story as possible to avoid questions. They may also do this to lower their guilt of lying to you.

10. There is a lot of face touching

There are many psychologists who have conducted numerous experiments to see if this is true and they have confirmed that people touch their face when they lie. Your partner will touch their face more than a few times while talking to you because their brain signals them to hide their face or ‘protect’ it. Not that they are worried about getting hit in the face by you. But that is how the human brain works. It protects the most vulnerable first.

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11. Your partner would seem to have a lump in their throat… Suddenly

You know how Vance Joy said, “I got a lump in my throat ’cause you’re gonna say the words wrong?” Yea, not sure if he was singing about a lying partner. But it indeed was the truth.

If your partner is lying to you, you would see them gulping down their fear. They will swallow the lump in their throat as frequently as after every sentence. You will also see them clearing their throat as if they just drank a gallon of oil. Clearing throat is a sign of fright and nervousness. That is enough sign to confirm that your partner is lying.

12. They move their head just before speaking

Moving your head is considered to be an act of defence. Your partner may move their head to protect themselves from a potential threat. It does not have to be a physical threat necessarily. It could be a mental or emotional threat, too. Your partner will also pull their head back, which is yet another sign of defence. Furthermore, they may also lower their gaze to display their shame or indignity. Lastly, head movements are also a sign of a submissive attitude. It is like giving up before the enemy kills them. Have no doubt because in this case, you are their enemy.

13. Their body forces them to walk away… Literally

If your partner is lying to you, they may walk too much instead of standing in just one place. It is just a way of improving the credibility of their story. It is like commanding the room by occupying it. But there is another meaning to this. Your partner may have shuffling feet because of the nervousness. Since they are doing something that is discouraged in society, their brain will not want to be part of the situation. As a result, it will try to drag them out of the conversation by literally forcing them to walk away from you. So you may witness your partner storming out of the room or house and even physical distance themselves from you.

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14. They blink less and point more

People tend to blink when they are uncomfortable. A liar is usually aware that they are lying. And they don’t want you to catch them, so they make sure they eliminate or control their senses as much as possible. If you see your partner staring at you most peculiarly, they are lying to you. They don’t want you to think that they are not comfortable with the lie, so they avoid blinking. Similarly, they will point at things to recall their train of thoughts. That will help them remember as well as buy them some time to think of the next sentence.

15. There is an increase in their use of transition words

Transition words are words that are used to fill the gap between two phrases or sentences. Words like therefore, however, in order to, and eventually are a few examples of transition words. There are also Hindi equivalents of these. An average human being does not regularly use these words when speaking. We use general sentences and words. We also use fewer filler words like um, uh, so and like. Your partner will use more transition and filler words when they are lying because they will try to connect their thoughts or lies. Just like the blinking and pointing, this also allows them to buy some time to think of the next lie.

16. There is less physical contact

You never want to touch someone when you are lying to them. Touching them makes you feel guilty. It suddenly makes you realise that they are human. And no matter how big a jerk you are, you never want to hurt another human being. Unless you are a serial killer!

Your partner will avoid touching you and probably even maintain a distance. It is like saying they won’t breathe the same air as you. Not only that but also they will avoid making any eye contact. Eye contacts also make them uncomfortable. Moreover, a person’s eyes are a gateway into a person’s soul. And a normal human can’t lie to someone like that.

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17. They seem to fidget with their hair

They say that people tend to fidget with their hair when they are talking to someone that they like. But don’t be fooled if they do the same while talking to you. They are not showing you their love or anything. They are actually lying to you. Fidgeting is also a sign of discomfort. Your partner will try to touch their hair and several other things. It is because they are trying to find something to hold on to. They need something that they can rely on. The lie is so massive that they need to feel something to release the weight. It is similar to holding a teddy bear when you are feeling a little overwhelmed or emotionally weak.

18. You find them constantly tapping their feet

Just one word – anxiety! Almost 40 million people in the world suffer from anxiety today. But this seems to be too low. Look around you and you will see that every person has some kind of anxiety. It may be social anxiety, panic disorder, obsessive-compulsive disorder and even post-traumatic stress disorder.

There are chances that your partner suffers from one of these, too. So when they are lying to you, you might see them tapping their feet, shaking their leg, or biting their lips. People who already have anxiety may get more nervous while lying and respond to their guilt through physical manifestations.

19. They wrap their arms around themselves

People don’t like to be exposed when they are lying. So you will always see them putting their hands in their pocket or at the back or even sinking their head in their shoulders. These are all ways of defending oneself. Similarly, your partner may cross their arms or wrap their arms around themselves. Like they are giving themselves a hug. It is not to show how much they love themselves. They do this to place an intangible barrier in front of them. Sometimes, your partner may even place a physical barrier in front of them while they are lying to you as a sign of defence.

20. They avoid talking about it entirely

Try asking your partner about something you think they are lying. Not only will their expressions change but they will avoid the topic completely. For example, one of my ex-partners used to become extremely restless whenever we spoke about someone cheating on someone. Guess what? He had cheated on his ex and his guilt overtook him every time he heard someone cheated on their partner, even if it was a celebrity. And whenever I asked him about his opinion on the topic, he avoided the subject as if he were dodging a bullet.

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21. Your partner’s body posture changes

I attended a seminar on personality development once and there we were told that people tend to alter their body posture when they are uncomfortable. Their mind starts to find an alternate pose to suit their state of mind. And that is when you will see them constantly changing their stance or posture. It can be applied to lying, as well. Since the lie makes your partner uncomfortable, they tend to alter their body posture.

Your partner may slouch or hunch. Besides, they may even tilt to one side of their body by putting pressure on either one of their legs. They may also keep their hands behind their back to hide their awkwardness.

22. You hear a lot of “trust me”s in the conversation

Your partner isn’t stupid. They are well aware of their behaviour, and they know that they are lying to you. So they know that you will find it difficult to buy into their lies. Because they will never buy into someone else’s lies.

People are smart. We know a liar when we see one. And liars know it when their lies are caught. That is why they make extra efforts to convince you and make you believe them. Asking you to “trust them” not just makes you trust them, but it also makes them feel that they are not doing anything wrong.

23. They have sweat lines around their eyebrows

It is true what they show in the movies. Your forehead does sweat when you lie. And when it sweats too much, the perspiration begins to trickle downwards. Eventually, it gets accumulated around your eyebrows.

Pay attention to your partner’s eyebrows and overall forehead. You will find them sweating if they are lying. It does not matter how good a liar your partner is. Lying makes people nervous. The nervousness induces sweat. It is because no one is comfortable with a lie, especially when they are the source of it. Nobody likes to have guilt in their conscious. So sweating is the perfect sign to look out for when you think your partner may be lying to you.

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24. There is either excessive panic or unusual calmness

You will always find people who are lying to have extreme emotional manifestations. They are too hyper. If your partner has anxiety issues, they may raise their voice or act out aggressively. In fact, you can immediately spot out your partner’s lie if they have anxiety or they panic easily. They may also be hyper if they are trying to neutralise the impact of their lies. They want to believe that there is something even worse than their lie.

Similarly, you may also see your partner acting incredibly calm. It is because they are so uncomfortable and anxious while lying that they realise that you might see it, too. And so they overcompensate here yet again.

25. They repeatedly ask the same question and repeat their sentences

Remember how we discussed how using transition and filler words allows the liar to buy some time to remember the lies? This is another trick that your partner uses to lie to you. If you notice that your partner is saying stuff like “what did you just say?” or  “sorry, I didn’t get you. What was that again?” they may be lying to you.

You ask them what they were doing with their colleague alone at 2 a.m., and they will stutter, fumble, and whatnot. But you would hardly get one straight answer from them. They will keep repeating their story from the beginning to remember their lies.

Do you know any other things that your partner does when they are lying to you? Write it down in the comment section below for your fellow readers!

Categories
Love & Relationships

26 Fun Date Ideas that You Would Absolutely Love

First dates are so random and spontaneous. Not all. But a sizeable number of them are. And they all happen in the same traditional, typical manner. You either go to a theatre, spend hundreds of rupees just on the ticket, plus a kidney to buy the small serving of popcorn, or make a lunch or a dinner reservation at a fancy restaurant that would cost you at least a thousand rupees. And all that expenditure may not even allow you to have enough fun on your first date. So, why not ditch the old ways and get creative on your first date? Here are 26 fun date ideas that you would absolutely love.

1. An intellectual visit to a planetarium

If you have grown up in an urban locality, you know how much you miss looking at the stars now that you are older. Well, a planetarium would give you just that. On your first date, learn about the constellation, our galaxy and the possible multiverses. Enlighten yourself (pun intended) with the celestial mysteries of the world we live in. It is fun, intellectual and really informative. Besides, going to a planetarium for a first date would be a perfect metaphor. While you are unravelling the mysteries of the universe, you are also trying to decode the mysterious (not exactly) person sitting next to you.

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2. Attend your favourite band’s concert

Spending the first date at a concert is still in fashion and I don’t think it is going to go out any time soon. It is a fun place to be at. There are music, drinks and fast food to stop you from getting tipsy. You can dance with your date, which may not be exactly like a ball dance but we try to do the best with what we have, don’t we? Moreover, concerts bring out the fun side of you. Your date gets to witness your wild side that you would not show them otherwise. It is a perfect way to get comfortable around each other.

3. Compete at an arcade game centre

Arcade gaming centres is the best place to check your competitiveness. Also, people love showing off their skills at such places. You might just find out that you are secretly attracted to competitiveness. Go to an arcade gaming centre and try your skills at winning the highest number of tickets for the day. Make those loser kids jealous. Lol! Set a record at the King of the Hammer game and challenge your date to break it.

4. Sing your hearts out at a karaoke pub

Having your first date at a pub may serve its purpose and prove to be quite successful but it is even better when it is a karaoke pub. This means you get to sing, bust some moves and who knows, even flaunt your rapping skills! And we know how impressive it is when someone we know is able to rap well. Also, who knows you might just find an insane connection like Troy and Gabriella through your similar choice of music. Because the universe is not just mysterious. It is weird, too. When it is at work, you can find love in a ditch, as well.

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5. Go to a cricket match

There is something special about cheering for your favourite team in a stadium full of other raging Indians sitting on the stands. I say cricket because it is more of a religion in India than just a game. And people are madly passionate about it. So, imagine if your date is a fan of cricket, you will already be creating your first impression before even meeting them when you would make the initial plan. Moreover, you would get to witness your date’s wild side and true personality because we all know how sports make humans behave. Therefore, there is no way they would be hiding how they really are.

6. Attend an open mic

This could be any kind of open mic. And now that people are welcoming and appreciating newer artists and all kinds of talents, the number of these open mics is growing by the day. There is at least one open mic every weekend, at least in the major cities of India. So, perhaps you should plan your first dates on weekends. But plan ahead. Everyone prefers to attend open mic over a regular movie these days. Thus, you may not get the tickets. Alternatively, some open mics are free and open to all. You also get to explore new talent there. So, you can attend those, as well.

7. Enjoy a movie at an open theatre

I simply love the concept of open theatres. Remember those days when the entire colony would gather at one place to watch the screening of a certain movie that we have never experienced because we were not even born back then? Yes, that is the same experience you get to enjoy at an open theatre. Open theatres are these roofless places where you can watch a movie while lying on a mattress, directly under the starry sky. It is very romantic and an amazing way to watch a movie. A ticket to any open theatre would cost you anywhere from INR 250 to INR 1000. But it is worth it.

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8. Take a one-day cooking class together

You would love this one. Cooking classes make for a fun date. This could be a baking class or full-fledged cooking class. Here are my reasons why I think you should attend a cooking class for your first date –

  • You get to talk, which you may not get to do if you are going for a movie, an open mic or a match.
  • You get to learn how your date is under pressure when they are at their ugliest.
  • You get to learn how your date behaves in a team. It says a lot about character.

9. Go on an overnight camping trip

Oh. I absolutely love this one. It is such a unique way of spending time with someone. There are resorts where you get the entire kit for camping along with an ideal location. It does not cost much. Only around INR 1500 per person. Also, they ensure that you have a good time. And you don’t have to worry about the food either. They provide you with everything. But this may not be an ideal first date if you don’t know the other person well enough. So, ensure your safety when you go for a camping trip on your first date.

10. Hit the zoo if you are both animal lovers

What could be more ideal than spending time with the furry creatures of the world? Start your date early. Around 9 or 10 in the morning. That is when the animals are fed and completely fresh. So, they enjoy meeting you as much as you enjoy meeting them. Because they are not annoyed by people gawking at them all day long. After spending an hour or two at the zoo, you can wind up at a nearby Chowpatty (every zoo has a dozen of them) and engage in a nice lunch while getting to know each other. For me, this is one of the cheapest first date ideas.

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11. Jazz up your date Sula-style

Ever been to a wine tasting? Remember how fun that was? Well, this is the same except it is more fun because this is not just wine tasting. It is an entire festival! That is why it is called the Sula fest. Now, this one would require a little bit of planning because it usually lasts a day at the least and a week at the most. Spend your time in the middle of the aromatic vineyard or experience a day-long Sula fest. Whatever you choose, it would be equally fun. So, buckle up for your delicious, grapey and tangy first date.

12. Go to a flea market for some cheap thrill

I know those last two words must have just lit up your face. Especially if you are in college. Fortunately, our country has many cheap thrills to offer, thanks to the economy. Lol! Just kidding. (Actually, I am not). Anyway, one of the best things about planning your first date to a flea market is that you can window shop or actually shop for cheap items while having a soulful chat with your date. Additionally, some flea markets also have great musical gigs playing in the background. They are almost like mini-concerts. So, you get to have all your fun under the same roof.

13. Rent a boat to take a sunset ride

If you are lucky enough to be well connected with a well-maintained waterbody, you probably would have a great boating service surrounding it, as well. Take your first date there. Have your first meeting on the lake and watch that perfect sunset as you go. It would be a serene experience, and you would get to know each other while doing something adventurous. Also, not many people take their first dates boating. You would be doing something creative, which would highlight you as a thoughtful person, too! Didn’t think there would be so many usefulnesses to boating during a sunset, did you?

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14. Test your knowledge at a trivia night

Calling out all the nerds and geeks in the house because this one is specifically for you guys. Trivia night is still an unpopular activity in India because not many people are familiar with it. But you guys are good at digging up about stuff that you are passionate about. And trivia nights are being held regularly in the urban areas so, that is good news for the urban residents. On your first date, you would get to answer questions about your favourite shows, movies, books and just about everything else. Also, you would get to flaunt your general knowledge in front of your date. So, if you are going on a date with a sapiosexual, you might just get lucky later that night (or unlucky, if you come out to be dumb, in which case, I feel for you, bro!)

15. Chat while trying to defeat each other at a Snooker game

Oh. This. Is. Going. To. Be. An. Absolute. Fun.

Sorry for giving your brain a mini attack there! But it is just so exciting. Also, it is a bold move to make on a first date. Snooker is quite a sexual game. So, if both you and your date are up for something sexy on your first meeting itself, this would probably be the most successful date in history. But make sure you dress well for this date. If you are a woman, go for a sultry, sequin cocktail dress with pumps. And if you are a man, go for a pair of trousers with a fitting shirt. Dress to impress, my friends!

16. Unravel secrets at a psychic’s

This can be very risky because an actual psychic can truly pull all the cats out of the bags. But I would not recommend you going here if you have issues with revealing your secrets as this may not be an ideal first date experience for someone who is secretive. However, if you don’t mind spilling the beans on the first date, this could actually be pretty fun. You can ask questions about your future and truly enjoy the psychic session.

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17. Visit something historical

If you live in a place that offers great historical heritages for you to experience, you should choose to plan your first date there. Have you ever seen those ‘A <3 S’ signs on the walls of our great forts? How do you think they got there? Obviously, some couple went there to write that and completely ruin a perfectly well-established monument. Explore the beauty of your own city like a tourist and visit the places that you probably have neglected your entire life. I am sure that the experience that you would get here would make for an unforgettable first date.

18. Decide to watch a play

Plays might have been a regular date back in the days, but they are a bit different from the usual movie dates. They are quite unconventional, too. At least for today’s time and age. I think watching a play for the first date is great because not everyone does it. So, it is different. Also, your date’s choices about the play can tell you a lot about their character. And a nice comic relief of a play can work really well for an awkward first date.

19. Check each other’s appetite at a brunch buffet

I love brunches. They take place at the perfect time of the day, and there is something very regal about them. And here is why you should plan your first date to a brunch buffet. Brunch buffets are places where they serve you unlimited breakfast after 10 a.m., which works for us all because that is when people usually wake up. Also, these brunch buffets typically go on till 4 p.m., so you get a long time to eat and chat. This helps you not just understand each other but also know about each other’s appetite and food choices, which agree or not, is an important part of a relationship.

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20. Take an hour-long helicopter ride

This one is for the rich people who are not broke AF like the rest of us peasants. Plan to spend the first hour of your date in a helicopter flying 1000 feet above the ground, hovering over the entire city. Awesome, isn’t it? The standard rates of every helicopter ride vary between INR 7,000 to INR 20,000 depending on the duration and the location of the ride. If you live in a metro city, these rides would cost you more. Obviously. Duh!

21. Attend a few hours of pottery class

When Patrick Swayze and Demi Moore starrer ‘Ghost’ came out, it gave us more than Demi’s lovely hairstyle. The iconic pottery scene that got the audience aww-ing wooed everyone who watched it and gave us major couple goals. People cried like babies. Even the men could not control. But can you blame them? The scene featured the Unchained Melody by The Righteous Brothers. That song has the power of converting even the most unromantic person into a Katherine Heigl movie. So, attending half a day at a pottery class would give your first date the artistic touch that it deserves.

22. Sign up for a couple’s spa

Going to a spa for your first date is saucier than you would imagine it to be. Let me paint a picture for you-you are both lying there disrobed next to each other (yeah! On different tables, I know), and the both of you know what is going under the sheets. On the FIRST DATE. Furthermore, you are chatting while you are relaxing, which is an ideal way to do it. However, I should warn you that it may get very awkward if you tend to make those weird sex noises when you get a massage. Unless that is what you are aiming for, I would not advise you to go ahead with this one.

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23. Gamble your luck out at a casino bar

Didn’t think you could gamble it up on your first date? Gone are those days when you had to pretend not to be interested in gambling. Everyone likes to try their luck. And if you actually win some money, you would be able to spend more on the finer things on your first date. Casino dates are one of the most unconventional first date ideas, and that is why they are so fun. But this is something that is only possible if you live in a city that allows gambling. So, if you live in Goa, this one would just be the perfect way to begin something new.

24. Get locked in an escape room

Imagine getting locked in a room with a total stranger who might turn into your potential partner in future. Perhaps after this date itself. Thus, if the cupids are watching you and you are really hoping for it to be work out between the two of you, you better clean up well. Because you are going to be spending an hour literally breathing the same air for at least an hour. However, this may not be an ideal option if you are on a budget on your first date because escape rooms cost you like 1200 rupees an hour. So, plan it well.

25. Go to a horror house for fun and…

… more. Ahem. You know what I mean. It is dark. It is quiet. There is something eerie about the whole atmosphere (obviously, because that is what they were aiming for. Duh! It would be a shame if you don’t feel frightened inside a haunted house). You might just get the perfect opportunity to do engage in an intimate moment. Besides, people love being vulnerable at horror houses even when they don’t actually give a tiny rat’s damn about the whole concept of supernatural. Even you can be one of those and grab your chance.

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26. Take the classic long drive

All the ideas mentioned above may be awesome and absolutely fun but let’s not forget our traditions. We have evolved so much and created so many forms of entertainment for ourselves. However, what remains truly unbeatable is a nice drive along the less busy roads at night. Long drives have proven to break the ice between two strangers as they provide you with an opportunity to speak to the person you are travelling with. Also, the silence makes you calm and ironically, helps you talk to each other. And that is also the best part about driving. Now we know why this one is such a classic.

So, now you know what you are going to do on your next first date with someone. Just know that how successful your date is will depend on your compatibility and ability to understand each other. Therefore, no matter which venue or activity you pick, don’t forget to be the best version of yourself. Get planning!

Categories
Love & Relationships

15 Red Flags in Your Partner That You Should Never Ignore

Brace yourself for some real-life examples, excellent movie references and a wisdom-filled blog that is longer than the constitution of India are coming your way.


1. Lack of respect for other people

If you have not watched Lage Raho Munna Bhai yet, I suggest you promptly do so. The series is one of the best in Bollywood although not entirely original. But my objective is not to promote the film. One thing that I learnt from that film is what remains to be probably the greatest lessons in life, which is if you want to judge a person’s character, you ought to observe how they treat their inferiors. No human being with a good upbringing would ever treat someone of lower social or economic status than theirs with disrespect or mock their state.

Now, you would ask what an individual’s upbringing got to do with your relationship? Well, it has a direct relation. People with a good upbringing, high moral values and positive principles in life (no matter how they have gained them) tend to have a better outlook on relationships and life. They have a mature perspective on these matters. Also, if they are not making fun of the weaker, you can count on them to never foul-mouth about you behind your back even if things don’t work out because they know better than to do that.

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2. Not agreeing on the same relationship status

Not that anybody keeps a check on anybody’s relationship status on Facebook anymore, but you and your partner should both agree on the same status. If you feel your relationship status is ‘committed’ and they are not entirely sure of it and prefer to keep it ‘open,’ you may be looking at a red flag there. Of course, it is a completely different subject if you are both willing to negotiate through logical reasoning. However, even after six months of dating, if you are both not just on a different page but in a different book entirely, you should reconsider the future of your relationship.

When both the partners are not on the same page, it is difficult to understand what kind of treatment you should be giving to a certain situation. For instance, if your partner is faced with a family issue that requires you to give them a piece of advice, you should be clear of your position in their life. If they don’t see you as a serious partner, your advice may not be taken the way you intended it to be. But if they see you as someone who holds a lot of importance in their life, your advice may not go unheard.

3. Never apologizing for their mistakes

A major red flag. An enormous, huge, massive red flag. If you see this, run for your life. Because there is no way, your relationship is going to turn out to be even slightly amazing. There are three kinds of people in this world. First – who never apologise for their mistake; second – who apologise easily when they realise their mistake; and lastly third – who apologise only to those who matter to them.

You should be with either the second or the third but never with the first kind simply because these are the people who don’t value anyone enough to say a simple sorry. They have a very messed up priority list. For them, their ego is greater than any relationship in their life, and that is a red flag that you should always be careful of. Ego is one of those things that ruin relationships, and there is no need for me to tell you this because you already know it.

Being with someone who finds it difficult to apologise for their mistakes means volunteering yourself to be disappointed forever because they would never admit to their faults, and all the mistakes made in the relationship would somehow end up being yours. Hence, if you are planning to be with someone like this, prepare to bid adieu to a guilt-free life.

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4. Asking for account passwords

Being a millennial, I am happy to declare that I have witnessed relationships in both the pre-tech and post-tech eras. And in my opinion, the former was much less complicated, if not easy. Reason? There were fewer things to hide and the resources for stalking someone were limited. Honestly, I have never understood the reason behind asking someone for their account passwords unless you have a piece of concrete evidence that supports your suspicion. Otherwise, it is all in vain, not to mention a blatant invasion of someone’s privacy.

Simply put, no matter how ‘do jism, ek jaan’ kind of couple you are, nothing gives you the right to interrogate someone and ask them for their passwords. And the fact that some people think it is acceptable because it is ‘cute’ is something that I can never come to terms with. You are a red flag if you are asking your part for their account passwords. And if they are asking you for your passwords, they are a red flag. In either case, it is wrong.

5. Confining you to one territory

I give a lot of movie examples in my blogs, and this next one is my favourite by far. While the subheading itself seems quite negative, the following example is even more hard-hitting.

We can all agree that we are made for one special purpose, right? But some people are made for more. They are made to have more than one purpose in life. So, their creativity should be allowed to flow through them without limiting their potential. If you have watched English Vinglish, this will make perfect sense to you. Do you remember how Sashi feels really small when her husband, Satish, compliments her cooking by saying, “My wife was made for making ladoos?”

This does not seem like a problem unless you think about it this way. Satish was confining her to one territory even while complimenting her. Since Sashi always felt incomplete and aloof in her well-educated family, Satish publicly defining her life’s purpose on her behalf made her think that this is it for her. That she would never have more in life and that there will always be a hollow in her. And that is why she does not accept the compliment that she is given.

Why it works for Sashi, in the end, is because Satish was unaware of how she felt, so it was an honest mistake. He immediately corrected himself upon realisation. And that is how it should be. You don’t need to leave your partner if they are willing to make amends. But it is a big red flag if you feel that your partner is curbing your potential. And you should probably reconsider your decision about being with them.

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6. Repeated victimisation of self

Personally, I enjoy this kind of people. The drama that they can form around them is fun to watch. But I also realise what it would be like for someone who is stuck with a partner who loves to victimise themselves just to get away with things. Safe to say, it is all an act to draw attention. So, how can you spot out if someone is victimising themselves? You are likely to notice these –

  • Every time you point out something they have caused, they would say “Yes, I am responsible for it. Are you happy now?” really loudly, which would make you feel guilty for pushing them.
  • All your fights would end with them saying, “I agree that I am the worst human being on this planet.”
  • They would also say other things like “I never do anything for you, right?” or “I am a horrible person.”
  • You would often find them locking themselves in a room pretending to be hurt when in reality, they don’t have any more defences left, and they need a timeout.
  • Your social media would flood with “the saddest people smile the most” posts.
  • And lastly, their Brahmastra – you would find them overcompensating by posting about humanity and acknowledging the crimes committed against animals.

And the award for Best Drama in Real Life goes to… *drum roll*

7. Talking about exes with utter disgrace

If you see your partner chattering about their exes negatively and portraying them as Satan’s mistresses know better than to laugh it off. Having two or three bad relationships in your life is possible. However, when your partner’s past relationships begin to look darker than the black hole, there is a high possibility that there is something fishy about it. Maybe the problem is with them. And because your partner can’t accept their own mistakes, they are projecting them on their exes. Also, if they are talking bad about their exes in front of you, there is a 99.99% chance that you would be next.

8. Showing intense commitment right from the beginning

Call it a gift or serious pessimism toward mankind, but I can quickly smell BS. If someone is too nice to you, there is a sincere motive behind it. This motive could be as small as people pleasing or as big as taking revenge. But people are seldom nice to others out of selflessness.

It is important to be on the same page when you are in a relationship; however, if your partner is forcing you for a commitment, you are in the wrong territory. They may be trying to overcompensate or simply feeding their insecurity. Whatever be the case, get out before this red flag ruins you.

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9. Having a long history of rebound relationships

It is finally weekend, and you are all set to have a coffee date on your balcony. You stumble upon the topic of your ‘past love life’, and each of you begins to describe your previous relationships. As your partner is about to finish telling you about their sixth relationship, you realise that all their relationships have a messed up timeline. Each new relationship in their story is starting from the month where their previous relationship ended. You try not to let it bother you, but it does. So, you ask your partner the reason for it. And they tell you that it was impromptu and special.

This either means that all their past relationships were special, which is impossible because they would not be sitting there with you if that was the case or that they have a serious dating problem because all their relationships seem to be rebound. No, you are not overthinking. You are absolutely right, and you should probably not get too attached because it may not last.

10. There is nothing good to learn from them

Even if your partner is lazy, unemployed and hopelessly unmanageable, you should be able to learn something from them. Their experiences and knowledge should add to yours. They should add value to your existence. Spending time with them should result in you learning something that you were not familiar with. Simply put, they should not be a waste of your time. So, if you think you can compare your partner to college because you did not learn anything from them just like you didn’t learn anything from college, you have got yourself a red flag.

11. They are addicted to substance/alcohol

A few years back, I was working with a guy who seemed like a very nice person to me. We shared a great bond even though there was a seven-year age gap between us. However, with time and as I got to know him better, he became darker. He began to show all these red flags that we are discussing today. Literally, everything on this list could be seen in him. It took me one fight and 15 minutes to realise that his behaviour was heavily influenced by his alcoholism. Unfortunately, he had made his life so dull that he tried finding colour in substance. And that was a red flag for me.

People who depend on other things to give their life meaning are the worst kind to be with. They are unreliable, and unless they are eager to change, you would never be a priority in their life. So, it is best to stay away.

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12. Seeking validation for their existence

Well, I had the privilege of knowing one such person. I remember sitting right next to them trying to ask a question and not getting a response. I also remember sending them a message asking the same question and getting an immediate reply there. (Not fictional. This is truer than all the horror films made in Bollywood. Seriously not joking).

It is one thing to be connected to the outside world with social media, but it is a whole other thing to do so to show people that you are alive just to get their validation on your existence. I know what you are thinking. Who does that, right? Well, there are people who can utilise their 24 hours more efficiently than the rest of us. Likes and follows are more important to them than being present in the moment. They want to show their followers what they are eating before they show it to you. No no, that is not weird. What’s weird is that they do that to you when you are sitting right in front of them because you are accompanying them for the meal.

13. Making you feel guilty

Like I said earlier, if you are with a partner who never admits to their mistake, you should be ready to say goodbye to your guilt-free life. But some people can send you down a major guilt-trip lane where you can never come back from. That happens when you are dating a narcissist.

If you are not familiar with the term, a narcissist is someone who has the highest amount of admiration of their own self. And no one else in the world, including their family, comes close to being even slightly as important to them as themselves.


If you still don’t get it, here is what the priority list of someone who is highly narcissistic looks like –

  1. Me
  2. Me, again
  3. Oh. I didn’t see you there. It’s me yet again!
  4. Um. You. Just Kidding. It’s ME!
  5. Are you waiting for your turn? Too bad because I am my number 5 priority.

Jokes apart, this is a serious problem. Narcissists have a way of making you feel guilty about not only everything they do for you but also about everything that you do for them. And you would not even realise it until you are stuck in their puddle of narcissism so deep that it is difficult to come out of there. If you think I am exaggerating, then perhaps you have never been with a narcissist before, which is good for you. But this would be relatable AF if you are in that situation.

Call it their superpower or just your bad luck, but you would never be able to win an argument against such a person because they are better at pointing out your flaws than accepting their own, and that is when you become weaker. To conclude, if you feel that you have been taking the blame for everything lately despite you being sure that it is not your fault, you see a red flag right in front of you.

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14. Showing disinterest in your interests

Sometimes, you don’t realise there is a red flag in your relationship unless it hits you in the face. Unfortunately, that is too late. The damage is already done by then. One such thing that is not conceived as a red flag is not having any similar interests. I am not saying that you should be poles apart like Sanjana and Prem from Main Prem Ki Diwani Hoon. (Quit judging! We have all watched it as kids. We have also watched a recap of it all in Pretentious Movie Reviews. That’s right! I, too, have internet access!!) But there has to be a common ground where you can meet each other. Not quite literally.

You cannot have one partner to be super keen about going on adventures and the other about sitting at home in their cosy cocoon. Because if that happens, they would rarely meet. And it is even a bigger problem if you don’t like each other’s tastes. Imagine going to watch Love Actually in an open theatre where one loves the film so much that they can’t help feeling all nostalgic and mushy whereas the other is simply judging their partner to glory for even remotely liking the film. There may never be a happy ending to such a relationship.

15. Less eagerness to make plans

I am not someone who actively makes plans with people despite having a very close-knit peer group. Don’t mistake me for being an introvert, though. I am every bit of an extrovert. However, I have too much on my plate, and I prefer to keep myself busy with work and other productive activities. So, making plans with people is not something that occurs to me by itself. And this was a huge problem for me during the initial stage of my current relationship.

My significant other was often upset with me because he thought I was not interested in him. While it took him some time to adapt to the fact that I was wired that way and it was not something that I was doing purposely, I tried to come up with plans consciously. This made him feel important. Also, it assured him that he was not wasting his time with the wrong person. So, what could have been a major red flag in just two months of dating was immediately turned into a conscious corrective measure. The result of that? A several year long happy relationship.

What we can learn from this incident is that if your partner is showing an eagerness to change their ways, they are worth investing your time and love in. However, if they show no signs of change despite you pointing out their mistake, that is an enormous red flag right there, my dear.

What are some red flags that you noticed in your partner that made you leave your partner right away? Write it down in the comment section below for your fellow readers!

Categories
Love & Relationships

15 Unavoidable Signs that You Are Both Ready to Get Married

It has been some lovely years together, and you know you are genuinely in love with each other! You understand each other, and it is really easy being with each other. Everything is as it should be so, you are ready to take it to the next level. Well, congratulations on that. I wish you all the good luck in the world. Just one question – Are you there yet?

I am not here to burst your happy bubble. I am going to do the exact opposite of that. Stop questioning your ability to decide about your future. I am going to help you know if you are ready to be married to your partner. Here are 15 unavoidable signs that you are both ready to get married.

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1. You Don’t Want to Date Anyone Else Because You Are Satisfied with the One You Have

We have heard it in the songs. When you are ready to get married to your partner you are indeed happy with the one you have. You seem to like all their qualities. And the ones that you don’t like, you choose to accept them because you realise that no one is perfect. But there is nobody else whose imperfections you would settle down for but them. And just like they say it in the vows, you are willing to take them in sickness and in health.

Besides, you would never find yourself looking at other people when you are out. You won’t be fantasising or thinking about how it would be like to date one of them. So, that is good news! Do I hear the wedding bells?

2. You Are Not Excited About the Wedding. You Are Excited for Your Future Together

Even if you are planning your dream wedding without taking a minute to breathe correctly, you are not obsessed with it. You want to make sure that your wedding ceremony takes place smoothly because you don’t want any last-minute hassles. However, you are not too focused on spending your entire life’s savings on one day to have the perfect wedding. You are more focused on the life that you are going to spend with your partner after your wedding ceremony is over. So, instead of perfecting that one day, you are planning to perfect the rest of your lives. You are not excited about the wedding. Rather, you are passionate about marriage!

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3. You Are Sure that None of You Is Going Anywhere Even After a Ginormous Fight

Did he call you overly controlling? Did you call him a buttlicker? Do you spend nights after nights trying to resolve things that matter to you because you know you have gone all in on this relationship and there is no turning back? You are ready to walk down the aisle, my friend!


You are blunt with the people you know are yours for life!


See, the most straightforward logic behind this kind of behaviour is that you are frank with the people you know are yours for life. So, you are not afraid to lose them. You know they are going nowhere. This does not mean that you are taking them for granted. It means you trust your love enough to know that you are in this together forever.

4. Your Team is Unbeatable

Together you both are like Superman and Batman in one team! No, not the stupid Zack Snyder one. That was a laughing stock. The actual comic book one. Does this sound like something that happens to you? It is a sign that you are ready to get married to your partner.

Couples in love are the strongest. So, don’t shy away from participating in activities that require both of your strengths. Also, couples who are always winning are happier than those that are not. With your partner by your side, you literally have nothing to lose. Go ahead and win, my power couple!

5. They Are Not Your Better Half

I think the term ‘better half’ is absolutely rubbish. When you are with the right one, they are never your better half. Sure, they are better than the others, but they are not the other half of you. Instead, the right partner would complete you. You would never feel like you are incomplete or would never feel the need to get yourself a ‘better’ half. With them, you are a better you. You are the best version of yourself. You don’t need each other to complete each other. Unwavering support is all you both need. And together, you don’t make a whole. You become two wholes!

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6. Your World Does Not Revolve Around Your Partner

Do you have four people other than your partner in your recently called list who are always on your speed dial? Are you in touch with your parents even when you are not living with them? Do you make plans of going for a movie with people other than your partner? If you answered in affirmation, you are probably ready to get married.

When other close people in your life surround you, your relationship is said to be healthy. You don’t limit yourself to just one person and let your life revolve around them. You socialise with a bunch of other people, too. This shows that you have a life outside your relationship, which is how it should be.


You have a life outside your relationship!


You should not be depended on your partner exclusively to have fun or experience something. Ensure that you are surrounded by other people, too. It not only helps you improve your social skills but also enables you to avoid getting bored in your relationship.

If you are in such a position while you are thinking about getting married to your partner, you are with the right one. Go forward fearlessly.

7. You Have Seen Each Other at the Lowest and Accepted

Relationships are not about laughing at each other’s referential jokes and crying at the same scene from Coco. (Damn that film. Feels like somebody left the taps open!) It means accepting each other at their lowest and ugliest. No, I am not referring to the time when you got such a bad haircut that she did not want to be seen with you anywhere. Nor am I referring to the time when you had zero sense of fashion, and you wore those horrible chokers because everyone did and he still held your hand with pride.

Ask the real questions – Were you there for him when he lost his job and could not afford things for a while? Does he comfort you when you get your panic attacks? Did you get through that phase without hurting each other? If you said yes to all of that, release the doves. You are ready to get married to your partner.

8. You Are On the Same Page

I should not be telling you how important being on the same page is when you are planning to get married. You should be aware of their values and beliefs, and they should be mindful of yours. And not just be aware of them, you should follow them. This makes a relationship smoother. It does not matter if he is a cat person and you are a dog person. The real question is would you both be willing to adopt both a cat and a dog just to make each other happy?

And why just that? Before getting married, it is crucial for you to be on the same page when it comes to family planning as well. Do you want two kids? So does she! Do you want ten dogs? So does he! You want to save up so you can travel to at least one place every year? So does she!

Besides that, you both want to have mandatory monthly family dinners. You want a ground-rule in your house about having at least one meal together every day. You should binge-watch at least one TV show together every month.

If you have already discussed this and agree on it, you are there!

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9. You Know How You Both Feel About Marriage

This is a significant sign of knowing if you are ready to get married. You might have talked about getting married in the past but have you spoken about it recently? Do you think you agree with each other’s opinion on marriage?

Remember what happened in the first Sex and the City movie? The reason why they did not get married was that Big got cold feet. When you love someone and want to get married to them, the term ‘cold feet’ would be alien to you. This is because you are sure that you want to do it because you would not have it any other way. You would know that even if the label would change, your relationship would never change. You would still be the same.

10. All Your Friends and Family Approve of You as a Couple

Okay, ‘all friends’ is a little far-fetching, but you get the gist, don’t you? It is important that you allow your close ones to approve of your marriage because they may see what you don’t. Maybe you are in love, and maybe you check all the boxes, as a couple. But there could be something that you cannot see and that your friends or family can, and they would warn you about it.


Always trust your loved ones’ hunch!


Your close ones can sense negative vibes around you. For instance, no matter how much I warn my sister, she always ends up with the bad guys. And believe you me, she always gets men who are the definition of perfection. They are handsome, well-spoken, literate and caring. But being her sister as well as her confidant, I see something in them that others don’t. And needless to say, every time she does not listen to me (which is all the time), she ends up getting extremely hurt. In fact, she is with one such man right now, and I already know how that one is going to end. Hence, the moral of the story is always to trust your loved ones’ hunch. They know what is best for you.

11. Money Matters are Resolved as Smoothly as Butter

You have a mutual understanding when it comes to money. If he paid for coffee, you pay for the wine. She brought home lunch; you take her out to dinner. And all is well in R-town!

It does not matter if you write down your expenses or do mental math. Get ready to marry your partner. As long as you are sharing the expenses without blaming the other for not contributing enough.

12. You Are Ready to Work on Your Relationship

There are always times when you take each other for granted because like I wrote above, you know they are not going anywhere. They are yours. But this does not mean that you stop working on your relationship.


Marriage is not your cup of tea if you are a quitter!


N o relationship is perfect. You make it look like a cakewalk to the other people, but only you know how much effort you are pouring into keeping your relationship alive.

Marriage is not your cup of tea if you are a quitter. It requires constant work. There’s going to be a lot of hard work. If you are already prepared for it, no one can stop you from getting married.

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13. You Can Each Handle Your Expenses

Neither of the two of you should be relying on each other when it comes to finances. You are independent monetarily. He does not have to pick up your bills behind you, and you don’t have to worry about his bank balance when you are out shopping for the wedding and after that, too. Divide the expenses among yourselves. It doesn’t matter if it is not equal. He may be earning less than you or she may have just started making a substantial profit from her newly established business. But you are both still willing to contribute from your income. If you are a part of such an arrangement, maybe it is time to start picking out the wedding dress.

14. The Mystery Hasn’t Disappeared

There is always something new that you learn about them. Seven years into the relationship and you did not know she wrote brilliant poems? Did you just find out that he was once a basketball champion and still can beat anyone around him at the game? Well, that is your cue!

The thing about most successful relationships is that there is always something that you don’t know about your partner. They still find a way to surprise you. And when they do that, you fall in love with them all over again. You can listen to them as intently as possible. They can be as predictable as possible. But there would always be a day where they would do something to blow you away. And that is when you would know that it is time!

15. You Know It Is the Right Thing to Do

Forget all the other reasons! This is the most significant sign you would get when you are ready to get married to your partner. You would know it is the right thing to do. And when that happens, you would not need any other signs. This one would be enough for you to be sure.

They say that when two people come together in true love, the stars align in the sky. So, when the universe is approving your union, you need no other signs to know if it is the right decision to make.

Marriage on your mind? Have you received your universal divine sign? Ring the bells and pick the bouquets because it is time to walk ‘the walk.’ Happy forever after!

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Categories
Love & Relationships

Have You Met Your Soulmate? 10 Signs to Tell If You Have

You must have read countless blogs about successful relationships. But never having experienced it first-hand yourself, it becomes difficult to believe their credibility. So, where are these people who have supposed successful relationships? How can you find one for yourself?

Well, there is no math or science behind it. Most relationships that stand the test of time are those that are made of soulmates. Yup, soulmates are real. They are not some urban legend. And the chances are that you have already met yours but have not recognised them yet. So, if you want to avoid missing out on the opportunity of having the perfect relationship, here are ten signs that would help tell you if you have already met your soulmate. But first, let us know exactly what a soulmate is.

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Who is a Soulmate?

A soulmate is someone with whom you have a deep connection. You relate to each other on an emotional level. It is someone who thinks like you and feels things the same way you do. Some people believe that soulmates are your inner twin. They are the lost part of your soul. And that is why when you find them, you feel whole. A soulmate is your other half.

As sweet as this belief may sound, it is anything but true. In fact, this belief is drawn from Plato’s dialogue, The Symposium, in which he says that Zeus devised a plan to split humans into halves, post their battle with the Gods. Another theory is that soulmates are people whom you have spent your other lives with as a friend, colleague, sibling, lover, parent or child. You have been with them in your previous lives, and that is the reason that you are looking for them in this life, too. And that is also why you feel complete when you are with them. While some people are born with their soulmates around them right from the beginning, some have to struggle a tad bit to find their other half.

All this seems wildly interesting, but unfortunately, it is untrue!

But you see, soulmates make such a perfect pair that it seems like they share a soul. Having a soulmate may not necessarily mean that you would love them or they would love you back. However, the deep understanding between the two of you would definitely give rise to love.

These days, the definition of a soulmate is different to every individual. Some people believe that a soulmate is your platonic partner whom you are romantically involved and can share intimacy with. The others feel that a soulmate could be anybody and not necessarily a spouse or a lover.

In fact, here are some fun facts about soulmates that you would love to know.

Some fun facts about soulmates that you should know

  • A soulmate could be anyone and not necessarily a partner

You could find your soulmate in a friend, parent, sibling or a lover. It could even be your furry pet. So, if you think you have got a special connection with someone that you just cannot explain, maybe they are your soulmate.

  • Things are not always magical with your soulmate

It is not that you would never fight or argue when you are with your soulmate. But you would be able to look beyond the situation into your future because that is what would matter the most to you.

  • Soulmates think alike

Stating the obvious, soulmates think alike. They share similar interests, perhaps even hobbies and may also have the same profession.

  • Your soulmate may not stay with you

Like all good things come to an end, your soulmate may or may not stick around you forever. Your situation largely influences your relationship with your soulmate.

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Signs You Have Met Your Soulmate

1. The spaces between their fingers are right where yours fit perfectly

For those who got the reference, you are my man! We all love the Owl City, but they deserve to be showered with some extra love for writing a lyric that perfectly describes a soulmate relationship. Apart from the literal meaning, this means that your soulmate completes you. Remember Marshall and Lily’s olive theory? Similar to that. For those who don’t know, the olive theory is where you like something that your partner does not like. So, it balances out, which makes you the perfect couple because you fill in for each other. Kind of like a jigsaw puzzle. Although you are two flawed individuals, your flaws may get overlooked because you fill in for each other wherever you lack. And that makes for a strong foundation for any successful relationship.

2. You run into each other time and again

You go to the mall, and you run into them. Sailing in a boat? They are your captain. Going to Goa? They are your hotel manager. That is a little exaggerated, but you get the point, don’t you? Soulmates tend to find each other. In fact, the chances are that you have already met your soulmate once by the time you are an adult. But you failed to recognise them. No stress! You will find each other again because that is your universal purpose. Because you guys are two opposing sides of a magnet. It is not a coincidence. Coincidences don’t happen as commonly as that. Therefore, always be on the lookout. You do not want to have to miss out on your soulmate, do you?

Note: If you meet a person every day on your way to work or while coming back home, it is possible that they have a routine. It is not because they are your soulmate. So, don’t make that mistake.

3. There is no judgement when there are differences

You can like dogs while them liking cats and yet come to a mutual conclusion of having both those pets in the same house. Your soulmate knows better than to judge you, and whether you think it is possible or not, you would be the same with them. You would have entirely different chemistry with them, which is what would make you so perfect for each other. They would understand even if you say that when people cheat, it is both the individual’s fault. And unless they are Rakhi Sawant, they would not be declaring your views in the newspapers. Besides, they would listen to you and also correct you if you are wrong. All that without any judgements!

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4. Threats are not the foundation of your relationship

You would neither be hearing nor throwing any threats about breaking up with each other or divorcing each other after a major fight. Because you know better than that. Sure, when it is too much to take, one of you may step outside the house to cool down or to get your mind off of things. But it would never happen that you build the foundation of your relationship by “if you don’t do it… I would leave you.” You know that is not how relationships work and that you can’t have a relationship that is more fearing than loving.

And no matter how big a fight it is, you know that you would come back to sleep next to each other in the same bed.

5. Your possessiveness never gets the better of you

Since you are both like two pieces of a magnet, you are sure that they are not going anywhere. So, you don’t feel the need to be jealous or insecure. You see, insecurity stems out from not having enough trust on the other person and their conscience. People are possessive only when they know that their partner is not sane enough to differentiate between the good and the bad. And that is why they feel the need to constantly check on their partner or protect them from other people.

Soulmates are different. They know you well enough to know that you would not do any wrong to them. They are sure of your love and theirs. So, possessiveness is nothing but a foreign feeling for them.

6. Panic attacks and anxiety are easier to control in their company

One of the best things that happen when you meet your soulmate is this. You learn to control your impulses. Now, some people would say that panic attacks are not controllable. False! You could not be more wrong. Panic attacks are an advanced stage of depression, which is something that usually happens when your mind does not have enough emotional strength.

Soulmates complete you. This means that they not only fill you with love but also help you be stronger, mentally and emotionally. And that is how the episodes of panic attacks reduce. Why else do you think some people feel much healthier and less depressed when they are in a loving relationship?

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7. You can share your deepest secrets with them and not be afraid

Because you are sure that they would not judge you. You can tell them about how you peed in the bed when you were 18 and did not utter a word to anyone about it because you were too embarrassed. Then about that time when you tried to fit into a dress that was not your size and ended up ripping it. Also, about that time when you actually felt like you were in a film because you slipped on a banana peel and everybody laughed at you. You can expect your soulmate to listen to you without any judgement. And that is what would make you feel safe around them!

8. Your values and interests are similar to those of theirs

You were raised on the same principles. Both of you believe in charity more than a religious donation. Also, you are both against breaking the traffic rules. You are conveniently uncorrupt, and you both agree that global warming is a real phenomenon. (Trump, I tell you!) Besides, you have strong views about everything, and you are both enthusiastic about the same things that others may not be quite excited about such as, going to a play or playing crossword. Soulmates also agree on one particular film or TV show for the night. Family Guy marathon? All right! Giggity giggity goo!!

9. They notice the same things as you when you are together

So, you are eating at a restaurant, and you see the waiter holding a food tray in his hand that contains some delicious-looking food. You notice that and just when you are about to look at your partner, you see that they are already looking back at you. Then you exchange an amusing look and just by looking into each other’s eye, you know that you have to order the same thing for your table, too. That is not creepy. It shows what kind of a strong connection the both of you share.

Your soulmate does not need your words to understand you. They know you are sad by the way you say ‘Hi’ and they know you need to be fed the moment they see you. No matter what, soulmates are right there for you.

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10. Although you have just met them, you don’t feel the need to fill the gaps for them

Maybe you are 30 and have just found your soulmate; you still won’t feel the need to tell them everything that has happened to you in all these years. Of course, your soulmate would not be a mind-reader. But they would guess a lot many things about you without you ever telling them. What this simply means is that no matter when you meet your soulmate, there is no way you would ever feel like you have just met them. Even in the newness, you would feel a certain familiarity. It would feel like you have known them forever. And that is when all the cheesy, nonsensical Bollywood romance would make sense to you. Finally!!

How did you know you had met your soulmate? Write it down in the comments section below for your fellow readers!

Categories
Love & Relationships

What to Consider Before You Decide to Break Up?

Breaking up may seem like a fairly easy thing to do especially when you are the one who is going to be the one breaking the other person’s heart. But little do people realise that it is a greater responsibility than people actually think it is. Because when you break up with someone, it is essential that you choose your words extremely carefully. Articulation is the ultimate key!

Regardless of how you plan things, you know your guilt is going to get the better of you when you are about to break up with someone who is a considerably nice person. And your guilt is only going to grow when you realise that you are about to break up a healthy relationship with this nice person. Also, being the nice person that you are, too, you are bound to feel bad about breaking the news. And we all know, that is why you are here because you would not be here if breaking up was easy for you.

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So, now that you are considering your decision of breaking up with your long-term partner you must already be aware of the consequences. And you are sure that breaking up is the right thing to do. Maybe it is. But what if I told you that you might be breaking up with the wrong person? Would you reconsider your decision?

Hey, I don’t know you!

But that is why this is such a perfect situation for you. You are about to get an unbiased review of your decision, which is nothing but useful for you. So, might as well give this a thorough read. To ensure that you don’t end up regretting your decision, here are 15 things that you should consider when breaking up a healthy relationship.

1. Did I give my 100% to this relationship?

I have put this as the first thing to do on the list because it is the most important thing to consider when you decide to break up. No relationship is perfect. And as adults, we can all agree with that. If you think your friends have perfect relationships, you probably are letting your fantasy cloud the truth. Perhaps those couples around you are very good at hiding their struggles. And they have learnt not to let their private issues ruin their public appearances.

My relationship with my boyfriend is something that people around us call ‘couple goals.’ We are considered to be the best people to approach when a relationship hits rock bottom. People think we never have bad days and our relationship is smoother than cream. But by now you must have guessed the twist in the tale. That is right! We have our fair share of rainy days.


Are you simply giving up because the perfect pretence of other people’s relationships is swallowing you?


We never fight in public and even if we disagree around others, we have learnt to let it slide into a joke. But we do talk about it in private and try to sort it out. And what meets the public eye? A perfect relationship!

So, coming back to the question. Did you give your 100% to your relationship or are you simply giving up because the perfect pretence of other people’s relationships is swallowing you? If you have, move on to the next question. But if you have not, you might want to reconsider your decision of ending your relationship.

2. Do I have a clear reason in mind for breaking up?

When I was on the verge of breaking up with my boyfriend, I was finding reasons after reasons to end our relationship. I did not think about logic, justification or his feelings. I simply wanted to give up because we were having too many fights. But was that the right thing to do?

I was never satisfied with my reasons. And I realise that this was because my reasons were plain stupid. So, I could not rush myself into breaking up with my boyfriend. And I am happy with my decision.


I was scared of having a long-term relationship


Instead of finding reasons to break up with him, I tried to find reasons to work things out. I confronted myself to understand why I was being tormented by the thought of ending an otherwise healthy relationship. And I found the answer.

I was considering breaking up with him because I was scared of having a long-term relationship. You see, all my past relationships had ended with me being hurt. So, I had made a promise to myself that I would break up with my partner before they could hurt me. But there was nothing wrong with my current relationship. That was something that drove me crazy. Sure, there were problems but nothing that we could not solve. I realised this before it was too late. I accepted that I had no drama in life and that I did not wish for any. And that kept me from making a stupid decision within just 6 months into the relationship.

3. Are we still growing in this relationship?

The whole point of having another person hold so much importance in your life is so that you can grow together. They should help you with your issues and make you a better person. Be it mentally, physically or psychologically. You should always learn something from your partner and they should do the same. However, if you think there is no learning curve left in your relationship, you may feel like breaking up.


Avoid having a future full of ‘what if’ and ‘had I not’


I suggest you not to rush into making this decision. As someone who is taking a life-changing step, it is your responsibility to think for the betterment of both of you. Perhaps you are growing but you don’t realise it. Maybe you are at that point in your relationship when you are taking what you have for granted. Therefore, you have shut down your acceptance to new experiences and learnings.

If you think that is the problem, try giving it a little more time and figure things out. Perhaps that will help you avoid having a future full of ‘what if’ and ‘had I not.’

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4. Can counselling help us stay together?

We give counselling much less importance in India than it deserves. Maybe because we still feel that counselling is for ‘crazy people.’ And that mentality requires an enormous alteration. Look at it like taking a third person’s point of view. They can see what you can’t see.


The only way to treat a relationship


Moreover, the best part about a counsellor is that they understand exactly what the problem with your relationship is because they deal with many relationships. So, imagine what good advice from them can do to the health of your relationship.

If you think a few sessions of counselling can help you stay together, go for it. Because that is the only way to treat a relationship with a person who is willing to get help. If you feel your partner is nice enough to get a second chance, you can’t let them go just like that. Leave no stone unturned.

5. Will I be okay to see my partner with someone else after the breakup?

This is one of the most disturbing thought that lingers around in your mind after breaking up. You can’t see your partner with someone else if you are still in love with them. Even if it makes them happy. They could be over the moon with their new partner and you will still feel miserable. So, if you can’t let them have a life with another person, you are not ready to break up yet.


The most disturbing thought that lingers around in your mind


Now that you know you are not ready to let your partner go, it is time to make some changes. Not in the relationship but in your thoughts. Find out the reason for you feeling like breaking up. And work on it by either seeking help from a professional or actually altering yourself to be more accepting.

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6. Are we willing to be friends with each other after this?

“I think we are better off as friends.”

It is very easy to say it…

But very difficult to keep at it.


You are not fooling anybody with your clever compensation


Pardon my French but it is bullcrap when someone tells you that they want to be friends with you after breaking up with you. Nothing hurts as much. Not even the actual breakup. Because nobody is a child here. You are not fooling anybody with your clever compensation. That generosity would not take you anywhere.

So, stand back and think for a minute. Do you really want to be friends with your partner after breaking up with them or are you willing to let them go completely? I know that when I was thinking about breaking up with my partner, the thought of losing his friendship completely was more troubling than losing the actual relationship was. I could not imagine not having a bitter, critical and honest person around me anymore. And that changed my mind!

7. Will I regret my decision of breaking up a few years from now?

Yes!

Yes!

Thousand times yes!

Not to the regret of breaking up. But to the importance of this question. Whether or not you would regret your decision is secondary. And it would take a long time before you would realise that. But you would definitely regret not asking yourself this question.


It would take a long time before you would realise that


I knew that when I said yes to my boyfriend that I did not want to miss out on having a relationship with him. I never regretted saying yes to him. But the day the thought of breaking up with him crossed my mind was the day I began to ponder upon this question. And it took some time for me to be certain but I was definite that if I break up with him, I would be very unhappy. Not because I rely on him for my happiness but because it is never wise to let go off of good people from your life. And my happiness remained in the fact that I had an honest human being by my side. A very breed that one is!

8. Am I considering breaking up out of anger?

Do you think breaking up is a well-thought-of action? More often than not, it is an impulse. You inhibit the thought but you only do it when something ticks you off. And what is worse is that you keep finding that one slip off where your partner would screw up even a tad bit and you would tell them that it is over. But that cannot be termed as a well-thought decision.


It is an impulse


A well-thought decision would be when you actually list down your feelings about your partner and give it rational thought. Go back to the 2nd question; you must have a concrete and clear reason in mind. Don’t base your decision of breaking up entirely on the fact that some of your partner’s actions make you angry. You should be willing to make this about both of you and not just yourself exclusively. Do you think breaking up will be beneficial for both of you? If yes, go ahead. If no, you have to find a way to work it out. Don’t think that you are alone. Seek human advice and steer clear of those self-help books. They will only make things worse by spoonfeeding you generalised solutions. You deserve better than that. Everyone does!

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9. What has led to this point? Can it be reversed?

Speaking of impulsive decisions, every person has a breaking point. But it is not the same for all. We are quite biased. Our breaking point depends on the person we are dealing with. Actually, it depends on our perception. If we perceive a person to be nice, we have an extremely high tolerance level for them. However, when we perceive someone to be evil or resentful, we set our bar incredibly low for them.


Our breaking point depends on the person we are dealing with


So, the first thing you should do is determine where your partner stands in your life. Do you like them or find them to be resentful? Because if you are thinking of breaking up, you have surely reached your breaking point. And that is okay. But what if you have unintentionally set the bar so low for them that you are unable to see that the reason is not good enough for you to let go off of them? Dwell on this thought before you take your final call. Remember what I am trying to remind you throughout this blog; your one decision will change both your lives. And it could either be for the good or for the worse.

10. How does my partner contribute to my well-being?

There are many reasons that one decides to get into a relationship. It could either be because you wish to fill the emptiness in you or because you are trying to fit in due to peer pressure or even because you simply want to try it out. The point is that it could be anything. However, once you are in a relationship, it is your duty to make sure that your partner contributes to making you a better person. And vice versa. Simply put, you should gain something out of the relationship apart from love. Now, many would disagree with me because this does not seem entirely romantic. But romance would neither feed you nor make you smarter. Thus, it is important for you to have some rational or intellectual gain from your relationship.


You should gain something out of the relationship apart from love


As the first rule of any breakup should be, check for how your partner contributes to your life. If they do and it is good enough, they should get a second chance. Or at least their contribution should be considered before making the final decision. They should feel like they had a fair chance to be with you. Again, our aim is to make this breakup fair for both the individuals.

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11. How will my family react to this?

Have you involved your families in your relationship? Good news!

And well… bad, too!!

If you have involved your families in your relationship, it is good news for you because you don’t have to do this alone. I strongly feel that your family is your biggest and harshest critic. I have said this in my previous articles and I would say this again that your family can see what you can’t. They can sense certain negativities in the people around you that you never would. So, if you think your family is sane enough to give you the right advice, run your decision by them. Let them be a part of it.

And now, for the bad news. I think you already know this one. When you involve your family, breaking up becomes a more difficult and serious affair. You have to explain yourself to more than one person. And it affects more than two people. Have you thought of that? How do you think your family will perceive this decision? Think about that!

12. Do I want to keep the window open for getting back together?

There are two types of breakups. One; where you keep in touch and don’t shut all the doors of getting back. This usually happens with mature, long-term relationships because it is not possible to immediately move on. Also, because you have spent so much time together that it is very difficult to live without each other suddenly.


It is your choice


Then there is a second type where you shut all the communication down and swear to never see each other again. This happens when the breakup is too painful and you don’t want to think about it. In any case, it is okay. It is your choice. But you need to pick one. You can’t keep it open to interpretation. That kind of poetic liberty does not work for relationships.

You need to make it clear. If you end things by saying “I hope we can be friends,” it means you should be ready to be friends. Amicable! You can’t be ‘facebook friends’ in real life. You would really have to put in efforts then. Alternatively, if you end things by saying, “We should go different ways” or “I don’t want to have any contact with you after this,” it means you can’t stalk them or like their photos on social media. You really have to cut all your contact with them. It is either black or white. Breakups should not be grey.

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13. How can I make it less dramatic and painful for both of us?

You need to have two focus areas when it comes to breaking up. Your prime focus should be to make it less painful for your partner whereas the secondary focus should be on making it less dramatic for both of you. You can’t have a movie or TV serial breakups like Ross and Rachel, regardless of how much you both love F.R.I.E.N.D.S.


It should be honest, straightforward and less theatrical


In fact, it needs to be like Phoebe and Mike’s breakup. Remember the one where they are about to move in together and Phoebe decides that she does want to have more than just a perpetual live-in relationship? That was such a mature and understanding moment. It felt like they really cared about each other more than the relationship on an individual level. That is what your breakup should be like. It should be honest, straightforward and less theatrical.

14. How should I go about it?

You can’t break up over a text message. Nor can you do it over a phone call. In fact, the only way of doing it is face-to-face. This is good for two reasons. One; you don’t have to live with the guilt of not seeing the person’s face while you were making them go through the pain. Two; it shows respect and thoughtfulness toward the other person’s feelings when you break up face-to-face. So, you need to decide beforehand about how you want to make it happen.

15. Are we truly unhappy with each other enough to break up?

Finally, to the most important question of them all. Probably more important than the first one. When you are about to break up with someone, your judgement tends to get clouded by your intensity toward the thought of breaking up. And you may end up making the wrong decision. So, think clearly. Are you truly unhappy or is it just momentary?

One of my very close friends recently got out of a 5-year relationship. Her boyfriend had moved to the USA for further studies and they had been in a long distance relationship for a couple of years. As far as I know the guy, he was never the one to have commitment issues or any other problems with my friend. In fact, he was the one who convinced her to get into a relationship with him, ensuring her that he would keep her happy. Everything was going good barring a few fights and arguments that happen in every long-distance relationship. However, 2 weeks back, he broke up with her saying that he was never truly happy with her and that he regretted dating her. He said it was all a mistake.


Are you truly unhappy or is it just momentary?


While it did shock me a little, I immediately knew that he was simply flipping out. It was not that he was never truly happy with her. It was just that he was not happy with her right now (or for some time). There would not be a 5-year relationship if he was never happy. It would have ended a long time ago. Also, I realised that the reason for his unhappiness was not something that my friend did. Being in the USA, away from home and everybody had taken a toll on him. He wanted to have a relationship that allowed him to have some physical interaction with his partner. And that is okay! He is not cut out for a long distance relationship. But that does not give him the license to put the blame on his partner completely.

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My final advice to you is to find the source of your unhappiness. Maybe it is not your partner. Perhaps it is you! And unless you come to terms with whatever is making you unhappy, you would never be happy with anyone. So, start pondering! Make wise decisions that would benefit everyone involved.

What else do you think should be considered before breaking up with someone? Write it down in the comment section below for your fellow readers.

Categories
Love & Relationships

20 Healthy Ways to Get Over a Breakup

Breakups can be ugly and toxic and nervewracking. They can get inside your head and twist all your brain cells to a point where it would stop functioning altogether. So, in such a situation, it is extremely important for us to focus on getting through this phase without affecting your mental state. We should aim at coming out of this depressing state stronger and better than ever. And that is what we are going to do. Here are 20 healthy ways to get over a breakup!

1. Take a trip

After a breakup, the first thing that you should do is detox. Get rid of all the toxicity that you are surrounded by. And what better way to do that than retreating into nature? Take a few days off and go where you think you will feel better. Go into the wild or simply book a room at a resort and spend your time reading a book. But plan a getaway, even if it is just for the weekend. You will feel better instantly, I assure you. Also, vacation is the healthiest and the most promising way of getting over a breakup. So, hurry up and make your reservations.

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2. Formulate a diet plan

I don’t mean diet like you are Christian Bale preparing for the role of Trevor Reznik from The Machinist. And I also don’t mean that you turn into a beefy Dave Bautista. In fact, you don’t have to change at all. You have to do exactly the opposite of that. All you have to do is turn yourself into you. I mean the ‘healthy you.’

Take this time off to get in shape. Tone yourself. Engage in a light workout regime. Eat what you should be eating. Pay full attention to your physical self, something that you have ignored for such a long time.

3. Don’t rush into a rebound but…

Don’t shy away from exploring your options. This does not mean you would rush into a new relationship. Or be ready to jump anyone new you come across. But make sure you don’t shut yourself away from the outside world. Be open to possibilities. You might just meet the right one or maybe you won’t. However, you would not be missing out on anything or anyone. Go out. Meet new people. Socialise, too! Do everything that would help you take your mind off of things.

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4. Keep yourself hydrated

Weird way to get over a breakup, right? Not really. This is more of a gentle reminder than an actual way of getting over a breakup. But it does help you get through the tough phase without affecting your health.

All that crying for the one who does not even deserve your tears makes you lose a lot of water from your body. This can obviously lead to dehydration. And I don’t know about you, but when I am dehydrated, I just can’t stay out of that god awful washroom. It completely messes up with my system. So, don’t let it happen to you. Cry but don’t forget to keep yourself hydrated.

5. Stay away from too much alcohol

While we are at it, let’s just remind ourselves not to indulge in too much drinking. The reason? It is the opposite of healthy. I know alcohol can be a great way to escape for some time, but it is not the wisest of choices. Since it is possible that you may spend your time crying about what has just happened, giving your body alcohol at this time would just make things worse. Your body is already losing water. If you chug down alcohol in such a state, you will be dehydrating your body even more. And that will certainly cause you some physical disorders. So, it does not make sense because you are already emotionally traumatised and mentally vulnerable. Your physical health is the only asset that you can control and consciously protect. Therefore, make good choices!

6. Detach from all their social media handles

You would wonder what purpose deleting your ex from your social media would serve. But it helps not to see your stupid ex’s annoyingly goofy smiling face on your feed. Imagine; you are having an awesome day at work because you just won employee of the month. You open your Instagram to post about it and your feed refreshes and there it is. That face you dread. Wouldn’t that just instantly kill your cheerful mood? That is exactly why you need to unfollow, unsubscribe and unfriend your ex from all your social media.

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7. Keep yourself away from their things

This means you need to get rid of all their belongings. Remember that sweatshirt you loved so much that you felt the need to steal it from him so you can sleep in it every winter night? Time to bid adieu to that, too, babe!

The simple reason to do this is that surrounding yourself with all their stuff would only make it difficult for you to forget about them. Every time you would see their toothbrush or keychain or even their favourite book, you would melt into a depressing puddle. And we all know how difficult it is to clean up a puddle. We don’t want to let that happen. Ever!

8. Understand their perspective but don’t blame yourself

Do you know what is more toxic than surrounding yourself with your ex’s stuff? Blaming them for everything. Well, unless your ex cheated on you or did something crazier than that, it can’t be all their fault. There are two sides to a coin. I don’t mean you should spend a considerable amount of your time justifying the breakup. However, instead of completely disregarding both sides of the story and simply blaming your ex for everything is really unhealthy. Understand why they did what they did. But don’t blame yourself for not being who they wanted you to be. Understand, weigh and let it go.

9. Make your contributions

One of the best things to do to get over an ugly breakup is to give back to those who need you. In this time of sadness and disappointment, you can understand other’s pain really well. So, why not use it to do good?

Volunteer at an animal shelter if you love animals. Hundreds of animal babies are abandoned and ill-treated by humans every day. All they need is a loving touch and a little care. Give them that. Spend your time making someone else’s day. This would not be a selfless good deed. You would not only be gaining some peace of mind but also be channelling your sadness toward doing something good.

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10. Take care of your mind

We have discussed a lot about taking care of your body but what about your mind? It is the most important part of your body right now. It is what keeps you stable. So, naturally, it is important to take care of that, too. Yes, you guessed it right! I am talking about meditation. Don’t worry about having to leave your house or anything. You have YouTube. Play relaxing audio and connect to your inner self.

11. Decide whether you want to be friends or not

I am in contact with all my exes because we still have mutual respect for each other. But that does not have to be the case for everyone. You don’t have to decide immediately. Take your time. But remember that this decision will help you know where you stand after you have broken up. This is an important step in getting over a breakup. For instance, if you feel you really never wish to see your ex’s face ever again, then you don’t have to waste your time crying over them. Similarly, you should not be crying even if you feel they are not completely demonic. Simply because you should cherish and be thankful for all the good times that they have given you. In any case, your main focus should be to invest your time and feelings only in positive things.

12. Rearrange your furniture

The same old decor is bound to remind you of your time together. Why sulk in a corner in your own house? Your house should be the least depressing thing about your life right now. You should only feel positive at home. And that is why you need to rearrange your furniture. I say rearrange because redecorating is absolutely unrealistic. You are going through a breakup and not winning a lottery. Thus, unless you have secret treasure stacked in your vault, rearranging your furniture is the only free and effective way of getting over your breakup.

13. Avoid foul-mouthing about your ex amongst friends

Another unhealthy habit that would make getting over your ex and your breakup really difficult and slow for you is talking bad about them behind their back. I know what the movies teach you. And who could forget about the infamous Valentine’s Day ritual from Friends? As satisfying as it sounds, it is not practical. You can bitch about your ex as much as you want, but it won’t help you. Be classy. Rather than talking bad about your ex, take the high road. Recall the better days and let everything else go. It would not only help you grow but also make you feel good about yourself for being the bigger person.

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14. It is okay to get lost in your phone

There is nothing wrong in being neck deep in your Facebook feed, stalking people or even going on a recipe-watching spree. It is fun. It passes your time and does not let the depressing thoughts enter your mind. Use this time to learn some new craft if you want to. Browse on Pinterest to get ideas for Christmas decorations this year. Get creative with your time on the phone. The sky is the limit, my friend.

15. But don’t lose your consciousness

While you are engrossed in your phone, don’t forget to be aware. Weird sentence, right? But very necessary. Engaging in your phone for a long time does not mean that you have to tune out the entire world. That is seriously unhealthy. Even on regular days.

In conclusion, don’t depend on your phone to take your pain away. It can only help you for a little while. It is you who needs to make the changes.

16. Chocolate does help

I have said it before, and I will repeat it that Remus Lupin is absolutely right about chocolate. It really does help. But I also know that this is the time when you don’t want to gain more weight either. So, how do you eat chocolate AND ensure no weight gain?

Dark Chocolate!

Opt for dark chocolates during this tough time. They are delicious. Also, they contain less sweet so, you can eat as much as you like. But there is a small catch here. Only the dark chocolate that contains 70% or more cocoa is healthy. So, if you are not a fan of bittersweet chocolates, consider skipping this point already. But how would dark chocolate help you get over a breakup and not make you gain weight?

Well, dark chocolates are appetising. They cut down on your cravings. Having chocolates would ensure that you are having a healthy comfort snack. Also, it decreases body fat as it does not contain high amounts of milk solids or sugar. So, it is a win-win for everyone.

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17. Start watching a new TV show

The best way to get over a breakup is to get yourself busy doing something that would not let your mind wander off. And I believe starting to watch a new TV series is the perfect way to take your mind off of things. If you have not already done it while living in 2018, get yourself a subscription to one of the online streaming websites. Watch a show that you have been willing to watch for some time or have been hearing about. Choose any genre but romantic. We don’t want you falling into that pit of sadness anymore. Instead, a nice crime or fantasy-based TV series would keep you glued to your seat, teleport you into a different world and help you not think about your breakup or your ex.

18. Remind yourself that the world has not ended

One of the most important things to remember after you have had an ugly breakup is this.

We all know how breakups can be. They can be as bad as having a knife stabbed in your weakest nerve. And although you might feel like your life has shattered, the world has not changed. I’m sorry to burst your bubble, honey. But the world outside isn’t black and white. It is still colourful. So, if you are feeling grey after what you have been through, why not draw some colours from the world and light up your life again?

19. DON’T post sad, grieving posts on your Instagram stories

I know you have been through a lot. And if you are like me, you would even be blaming yourself for giving someone the right to break your heart. But you have to be strong. Keep all this to yourself. You can always turn to your friends for support and help but avoid expressing on social media. Truthfully, your sad posts about breakup would only be a subject for gossips for the viewers. They would rarely take the effort to look beyond your posts. Thus, if you don’t want your feelings to be made fun of behind your back or be misunderstood by anyone, stay away from those Instagram stories, sweetheart!

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20. Get a new haircut

Nothing says “I am over you” as well as a new look does. And the easiest way to get a new look is by getting a brand new haircut. Getting a haircut allows you to release endorphins (your feel-good hormones), which makes you feel better and happy about yourself. And when you feel good about yourself, you can forget about the things that upset you sooner. Therefore, cutting your hair is the fastest and healthiest way of getting over a breakup.

How do you get over a break-up? Write it down in the comment section below for your fellow readers!

Categories
Love & Relationships

Are You Ready to Start a Joint Venture With Your Partner?

More than a thousand couples start a joint venture every day and fail miserably. The reason? Lousy management, awful chemistry, a ton of misunderstandings and a heck load of personal drama that gets carried to the office. But there are yet another thousand couples who have successfully made their mark in the market. They have excelled in their venture. How do you think that happens? We are not talking about any superhumans here. They are actual people who had a great idea and decided to share it with the world alongside their partners.

There surely must be something that they are doing right, mustn’t they? The answer is yes, they are. It is no secret recipe. Just a few things that they realised about their relationship before the other couples did.

Alas, if only there were a way to know whether or not your venture would be a success. Well, there is. Here is a guide to see if you are genuinely ready to get into business with your partner.

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1. You are contributing equally to your venture

This does not mean contributing to the joint venture only monetarily. When couples commence a new enterprise together, people around often end up asking them how much money each of the individuals has contributed to the business. But this seems like the wrong question. Instead, what people should be asking is what is each of them bringing to the table. That is where the focus should be. And there should not be any ego about it. Both individuals should be equal in the venture even if one person is contributing monetarily and the other person is contributing mentally and physically. This ensures that you maintain a respectful, professional relationship and a healthy work environment.

Think of it this way. You are working for someone else’s organisation at a low level. But even so, you expect not to get disrespected by your colleagues. You expect to get appreciated for your work. It does not matter what your designation is. What is crucial is that you get an equal say in the organisation when the subject requires your involvement. Therefore, make sure that you get treated as an equal in this joint venture. But before that ensure that you are getting fair treatment in your relationship.

2. You know how to handle each other’s mood swings and temperaments

I consider this to be the ultimate test of any two people in any relationship. Every man should know that a woman is never in control of her moods. They are continually going through hormonal changes. Throughout the month. Similarly, every woman must understand that a man has a lot on his plate in this world. They play too many challenging roles in life, and it is not possible to justify all of them at all times. Therefore, both the individuals should be ready to deal with mood swings and emotional shifts whether it is at work or home.

When you are a couple who is spending all their time together, which includes your work hours. This means you are always next to each other. It can get a bit too much, and you are bound to blow up. Unfortunately, the odds are so that you might end up taking it all out on your partner. And that can be something that will write the end of your relationship. If you can’t find a way to deal with the sudden temperaments or emotional switches, the chances of your business being a success are none in a million.

3. Constructive criticism related to your work does not frighten you both

Constructive criticisms help make a relationship healthy. You cannot expect to spend your entire life with a person who does not like to be corrected and vice versa. Both the partners should be open to growing together. You know yours and each other’s strengths and weaknesses. But you never intend to put the other one down. Instead, you work to make each other better. You complement each other. You are always at each other’s beck and call. Think all this is unrealistic? You could not be more wrong.

There is a luxury apparel brand called Sachin & Babi. A couple started it as a small venture, but it has now grown into a brand that is unfalteringly competing against giants like Gucci and Christian Dior. That is telling something. It happened because they had unwavering support for each other. They were willing to accept their mistakes pointed by the other person and grow along with them. It did not frighten them. When they decided to start the brand, they were ready to face the world as a unit instead of two separate individuals. So if you want that to happen, you have to open the gates of communication.

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4. No matter how chaotic it gets, you are good at communicating

You have orders and bookings coming in all through the day, but you still make time for the midday coffee every single day. That is the way it should be. You know how and when to make time for each other to have a chat. You may be working together all day, but it still is work. It does not really allow you to have a heart to heart.

Mecca and Michael Elliot, the owners of Namaste Nail Sanctuary, swear by one rule – always carve out time for each other. You have to put the professional talk on hold the moment you leave your office. If you can do that, your relationship would definitely flourish even in the chaos.

5. You know that your business would not get in the way of your couple time

Jennifer Wong and Casey Sackett said that they still find it difficult to separate the profession from the relationship. The couple who co-founded the Alt12 Apps claimed that their biggest challenge is to keep the office talk out of the bedroom. No matter how much they try, they end up making their company’s concerns a part of their romantic conversations. And they are still trying to figure out a way to go about it.

The good thing about Wong and Sackett is that they acknowledge that there is a problem. And they are trying to find ways to deal with it. Being married with kids allows them to have different equation altogether. They have a life apart from their business. But it would be entirely different for you if you are merely dating or don’t even live together. Because you would have to make time for romance as it won’t naturally be a part of your lives. And it is going to be difficult if you are already faltering on your way to the romance department even without the venture.

It is advised that you first be entirely sure of your priorities. In case you feel you cannot balance both without ruining things, don’t go through with your business.

6. Both of you know how to separate your professional life from your personal life

The founders of The Liquor Store Luis and Lisa Toro agree that it is essential to separate your professional life from your personal life. For obvious reasons! But their best advice is to travel. They say that it is the only way they are indeed able to get away from their constant work pressure. Every couple involved in business together should be able to build their world in such a way that it brings out the best outcome. You need to achieve true balance in your lives to run a joint venture.

Find out a fitting solution for your relationship, something that suits your arrangement. If you can do that, you would be delighted with your venture.

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7. You have figured out your financial system

Who is contributing and how much? Are you putting forth your halves or is it uneven? It does not matter who pays what. Money should not be an issue later on. None of the partners should raise any questions regarding the other’s financial condition. Be it weak or strong. As mentioned earlier, you need to know exactly what your partner’s position is. And the same goes for you.

Who is going to get the bigger share? Will it be an equal division? Figure out the answers to these questions before you dive into the deeper sea.

8. Each other’s achievements do not threaten you. Instead, you compliment each other

What I love about couples with successful entrepreneurial ventures is that they have the highest level of security for themselves and each other. They take part in their partner’s success. Each achievement is a celebration. It does not matter who achieved what. Instead, what matters is that it happened to them. Their love overcomes their insecurities and rather than considering each other as competitors; they work as a unit.

The very secret to a healthy relationship and a successful venture!

9. The vision of your venture is clear and the same in both your minds

You would not and should not decide to start a venture if you and your partner don’t think alike. It should never be like your partner wants to take your little business a global affair whereas you want it to remain local. You should have the same vision. You should share a common dream. It would be impossible to make it work if you can’t agree on one thing.

And why limit it just to the vision for the business? Both your ideas should be similar or at least be considered. Besides, everything from stationery to the website layout and content should have a consensus. For example, if you are planning to open a book cafe, you should be able to agree on the same kind of arrangement, decor, objective and the likes. And if you can’t seem to agree on similar things, one of you should be willing to cave in to settle for the other’s choice.

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This is very important because you can’t have a successful, long-lasting venture if you are both stubborn individuals. Try to recall the times when you could not agree on one thing. What did you do? Did you give up or did you come to a mature conclusion?

If you have ever heard about a company called Wildfire, it is because they have managed to excel in handling contradicting perspectives given by each other. They say their work life is completely different from their private relationship. If there is a disagreement, they go off the record to solve it. And that is the secret to their venture that became so successful that Google bought it for $350 million.

I hope you are taking notes!

10. The sense of humour never skips your relationship

You know that it is not going to be your last fight every time you argue or disagree with each other. And all your fights eventually end up in some cruel joke or a fun remark. Basically, none of your fights makes you feel insecure about your relationship. Because you know that it is going to work out in the end.

The whole point of this is that you never let the humour escape from your relationship. That is the only thing that makes you stronger. Think about it. You don’t want to be with someone because they make you cry. You are with them because they make you laugh. A sense of humour is the only thing that keeps two people together. So you need to have it in your workplace, too. You may not be ready to start a joint venture with your partner if things become serious too soon and too often between the two of you.

Make it a point to have a comic relief at the end of every serious conversation. Let it develop into a habit. This will help you incorporate this habit even in your professional life. So you will know how to cool things off when the heat turns on.

11. You have separate workspaces because you can’t spend all your time together

Go back to point 3 to recall what I said earlier. When a couple starts working together, they are signing up for something more than just their career. They agree to spend all the 24 hours of their time with each other. And if you don’t already realise it, let me tell you that it is a huge thing to allow your life to revolve around just one person. It is guaranteed to make you annoyed. You will definitely feel frustrated around your significant other because you will be spending so much time together. Thus, the real question is, have you made the necessary arrangements?

The least you should be ready to do is get separate workspaces. This means you need to have an office that is big enough for you to have your timeouts or simply work. You should be willing to have two separate desks or personal zones. If you think you can start your venture in just a 200-sq. ft room, then you are mistaken. I am not saying that you can’t make it work in a small space. But the odds of things going wrong between you are incredibly high.

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12. The effort never goes unnoticed

Your partner should be willing to acknowledge all your hard work for the venture. You should get appreciated for all the ideas you put on the table. It does not matter how good or bad they are. That is the first thing that every couple planning to work together professionally should maintain. However, you need to be sure that it happens in your personal life, as well. You cannot expect your partner to respect your professional ideas and contributions if they don’t do it personally.

This one time, one of my friends called me up. She seemed very excited when she told me that she was going to open a cafe with her partner. As much as I wanted to be happy for her, I just could not find myself doing that. My mind immediately went back to the time when her boyfriend had insulted her in a room full of people. He made fun of her English and ‘proved’ to everyone how dumb she was. He never apologised for it and ended up convincing her into thinking that it was all in good fun. I still can’t let that incident go because it was wrong – no doubts about that.

Fast-forward to a year back when my friend invited us over to her cafe to have one last meal there. The cafe was a success, but their partnership was so bad that it impacted its management. They struggled for a few months and decided to shut it down. Needless to say, they also broke up at the same time. On the other hand, we have the duo from Sachin & Babi who never forget to appreciate each other for everything they have done for their venture. That explains the brand’s success very well.

What are some other things that show you are ready to start a joint venture with your partner? Write it down in the comment section below for your fellow readers!