If you have never dated before or have only heard it from your friends, you are sure to hear some myths with them, too. They sound so real that the masses actually start believing them. So, I think it is my duty toward our readers to debunk these commonly circulated myths in of the dating world. Here are the 25 most common dating myths and their facts.
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1. Women can’t ask men out
When you come to think of it, asking out has always been men’s territory. Men are always expected to make the first move. In fact, we rarely imagine a woman ask out a man at a bar by offering him a drink. You always picture a man doing it. So, it is obvious why women can ask men out has become a myth. Of course, this is not the case.
There are many women who prefer to make the first move at the man that they find to be attractive. They believe it saves them time because they directly approach the one they want to be with. Therefore, it is high time that we stop circulating this myth around. We should accept that women can and do ask men out.
2. Ask everything on the first date to judge your date
I don’t know who started this one, but it is something that is suggested by everyone. Even your friends would tell you this when you would go out on your first dates. But what they don’t tell you is that you cannot judge a person in the first meeting. Heck, you can’t judge a person even after spending years with them. So, how do you think it is possible for you to judge your date in one day? Moreover, asking too many questions on the first date ruins the mystery. If you ask everything on the first date, what would there be left to know about them later? Therefore, stay wise and refrain from being Arnab Goswami.
3. Conflict in a new relationship is a red flag
Whoever said conflicts were a sign to escape the situation was horribly mistaken. On the contrary, conflicts are an opportunity to right the wrong and grow. My relationship was not all fun and games, either. We had hit rock bottom in the beginning. But we got through it. And now I am proud of us. Conflicts happen in every relationship – old or new. So, don’t consider it as a setback. Even a catapult has to be pulled back to go forward.
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4. Play hard to get to get their attention
This is probably one of the stupidest dating myths ever. Playing hard to get does more bad than good to you and the other person. If you have not done it already, if you want to know what happens when you play hard to get, read this. Everything you need to know is in there. It will also tell you why this is definitely a myth.
5. Men are rational; women are emotional
There may be worse myths, but this one is the weirdest one floating around. Men are not always logical. And women are not always emotional. Ask my boyfriend about this, and he would tell you what a pain my rationality is to him. I rarely cry. But his taps are always ready to flow (no puns here, people!). For a long time, he thought I did not have any feelings. It was when I cried at Inside Out that he learnt I had a heart, too, that things got to me, too. Before that my emotions and I were two things that could not be used together in one sentence.
6. Chocolates and flowers are mandatory presents
In the several years of my relationship with so many different people, I have never once enjoyed receiving either flowers or chocolates. I always thought chocolates were something that was not that unique a gift because they were always available in my house. As for the flowers, they were more temporary than all those relationships. Hence, both of those things never served any purpose for me. I find them to be extremely thoughtless. And I am quite sure I am not the only one. Not every girl is thrilled to see chocolates and flowers. So, boys, take notes. Don’t waste your money there.
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7. Socialising more will get you a date faster
You can hop from 10 bars to 10 more in search for a date, but socialising is not going to land you love life. Increasing your social circle might improve your odds; however, you might not actually find a date for yourself. I have never been social, but I always manage to maintain a healthy love life. I believe that instead of focusing on socialising if you would just work on making yourself better, you would have a better chance of finding love.
8. The right one will put up with your bad habits, too
Continuing the previous point, no right one would settle for someone who does not think they deserve them. They would try to change you or help you improve. But they would not be with you if you are not ready to work on yourself. Hence, you should always be open to change. Because if you are looking for the right one, it is definite that the right one is also looking for their right one. If you would not settle for less, why should they?
9. You don’t need anyone’s approval to date the person you like
Actually, your closed ones know your needs better than you do. They know who is best for you and who brings out the best in you. Therefore, always take their opinions into consideration. Being the third perspective, they see things about you and the person you are dating better than you can. It does not matter how good a judge of character you are then. Furthermore, when you take your loved ones’ approval, you feel more positive about your dating life, which directly affects the health of your relationship with your partner.
10. You should not end up with the first person you date
As much as I understand, I believe this myth was started because people were not sure about the one they were with. Thus, to get a reason to move on from a serious commitment, they came up with this. Probably they did not want to miss out on what is out there. But there is really no truth to this myth. You can end up with the first person you date if you feel that they are the right one. There isn’t a definitive number that you should hold on to. The right person could be number 1 or number 12, as well.
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11. Physical attraction is necessary
One word – Sapiosexual. Physical attraction may be necessary for some people but not if you are a sapiosexual. Sapiosexuals are people who are attracted to a person’s intelligence rather than their face or nature. They prefer brain over beauty. Therefore, it does not matter if it is a boy or a girl. If you are smart, sapiosexuals would fall for you. For them, physical attraction does not matter as much as intellect does. So, if you think you are not attractive enough to find someone who would date you, there is a sapiosexual out there. Perhaps grow intellectually? Thus, the necessity of physical attraction while dating is a myth.
12. Men don’t fall in love as quickly as women do
Men tend to fall in love quicker than women do. They also find it difficult to escape from the feeling. Once they are emotionally involved in love with someone, they invest in them totally. And there is a reason for this. The scientific explanation behind men falling in love faster is that they are not as conscious about love as women are. According to psychologists, women consciously procrastinate falling in love. Because they have too much to lose physically if they find themselves in a relationship with the wrong man. But men don’t have to think about this. So, they have no reason to refuse the love that comes to them. Therefore, men fall in love quicker than women, proving this point to be a myth.
13. Online dating is dangerous and demoralising
I had a very strong opinion in favour of this once. But my own experiences proved my view wrong. I have dated a couple of guys that I have met online through Facebook (Not Tinder). There is something about Tinder that people always seem to find only idiotic people on it. Anyway, coming to the point, online dating is not a sign of desperation. It is just a way of branching out to find yourself a date. And it is definitely not dangerous if you are careful enough to judge someone correctly. Even offline or traditional dating is dangerous for that matter. Hence, this, too, is a myth.
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14. Never talk about your ex
Having a general talk about your ex is okay. However, make sure that you are both in a place where you are comfortable with talking about your exes. If not, you would only be inviting problems to your relationship. Therefore, although the ex-talk should not be taboo in any relationship, ensuring the consent and comfort of both the individuals is of the utmost importance.
15. Men never think about marriage early on. Women do
According to a survey, 59% of men think about a future with a woman on their first date whereas only 46% of women imagine a future with a man on their first date. The number is relatively higher in men. So, this proves wrong another myth that men never think about marriage as early as men do.
16. All relationships lose their spark after some time
Not necessarily. There are countless couples who have been married for over 50 years and they still display the same kind of passion toward each other that they once had when they met for the first time. And frankly, spark is overrated. If the love between the two of you still exists after a thousand dates, you have succeeded at relationships. So, having a spark in your relationship may not be such a mandatory element for your relationship. What is important is love!
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17. Never show how successful you are to a man
As stupid as it is, I don’t think this myth requires any explanation. The only man who would have a problem with a more or equally successful woman is the one who has a huge ego problem. And if nothing else, this should be a sign for you to escape such an arrangement. It is no one’s job to water their partner’s ego. Therefore, instead of getting stuck in that cyclone, take a U-turn as soon as you see it.
18. Women should act dumb to let men feel smarter
Being a buddy to more men than I have to women has taught me one thing. They hate women who act dumb. In fact, they can recognise when a woman is pretending to be dumb. Men like women who challenge their intelligence. They admire the fact that someone can question their smartness. It thrills them. So, if you being yourself can actually make you like better, why should you dumb yourself down and pretend to be stupid? Moreover, intelligence is more attractive than idiocy. Always display the former!
19. You cannot go on a date if you have recently been divorced
We live in the 21st century so, it is high time that we address this issue, too. While society may think dating after being divorced is being forward, no rules should govern your love life. You can go out on a date if you have been divorced a week ago if that is what you really want to do. And that would be okay, too!
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20. Date someone from your religion to avoid pre-marriage issues
I think almost all Indians would agree with this one. Dating is not something that everyone engages in. But when they do, there are very strict rules for dating in our country. One of them being, date someone from your own religion. This would help you avoid any complications if you wish to get married to them in the future. However, that is a little myth. I agree that there could be pre-marital issues if two people are of different religions, but you don’t actively have to look out for someone who belongs to your religion. You might just end up being with the wrong person. And that would be more regrettable than anything else.
21. Men don’t care about dressing up before a date
As long as I remember, I have always been the one to arrive at the venues before my dates. God knows what beauty ritual these men go through before finally leaving their houses. Maybe they were trying to overcompensate for being late, or they just wanted to make an impression on their date. Whatever it was, I hated it. They would think that after waiting for an hour for them, I would care about their looks. But the point I am trying to make here is that men do care about dressing up before a date. Equally if not more.
22. You will meet your true love fatefully
Watch all the romantic comedies you want to at the comfort of your couch. Listen to all the love songs that you have on your playlist. But don’t expect a Mamma Mia happening in your life where all the three love of your life would show up at your door without any notice. You have to go out to make it happen. Even if you are meant to be with someone, the chances of them coming to your house and sweeping you off of your feet are not even one in a million. Thus, you have to step out of your comfort zone and go out to find yourself a date. There isn’t going to be any spoonfeeding there.
23. You can’t talk about sex on the first date
Actually, there is no written rule about this. You can talk about sex on the first date. But it has to come out naturally. Sex talk on first dates is frowned upon because it does not happen organically. It is a very intimate detail about your life that you don’t usually go around sharing with the people you meet for the first time. So, can you blame anyone? It is an awkward topic that not everyone is comfortable with. But it is definitely a common dating myth.
24. The 20s are too soon to be in true love
You can fall in love when you are in your 20s. One of my friends was dating a guy for ten years before getting married to him. She started dating him when they were 14. They were teenagers. But they were in love. Currently, they have moved to Australia and have a beautiful baby girl together.
Misunderstandings? Yes. Fights? Yes. Love? Yes. And guess what, they got married in their 20s. It was not too soon for them. It was just right for them.
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25. You should not criticise in a new relationship
I know that it is essential that you maintain some boundaries when you have newly begun to date someone. But what is more important is that you be honest and upfront with your partner. It keeps things clear and there is less room for misunderstandings. If you think you should not criticise your partner when you have just begun to date, you have been caught by one of the biggest dating myths. You can and should always engage in constructive criticism because there is nothing wrong with it.