No matter how close two people are in a relationship, there are just some things that are off-limits. They are taboo to speak because some things can ruin your relationship. They really have the power to do that. So, you should really avoid them if you truly want the relationship to see a future. Here is a list of things you should never say in a relationship.
1. “What would you do if we broke up?”
You should only talk about breaking up in a relationship when you think that your relationship is truly over.
If your partner is triggering a “separation” or threatening to end it with you over a basic debate, they’re willing to make you really feel insecure in the relationship. They are showing you that they do not care if they cause you emotional trauma as long as they have the reign of the relationship in their hands.
Breakups do occur. However, if you have no intent to leave, you should never intimidate your partner with a break up to feel that you are in control. The anxiety of losing a person you love is extremely harmful. It can create stress and clinical depression, particularly if your companion has abandonment or attachment issues or any other mental illnesses.
2. “I wish you were more like him/her”
There is no limitation to the variety of things that we compare our partners to. The basis on which we compare our companion to another individual might differ from person to person. But it is a human tendency and prevails in most relationships.
As individuals, we typically tend to have a basic idea concerning the kind of partner that we would like to be with. Some long for a person who is into sports, some desire an individual who is smart or intelligent and some merely want an understanding and jolly partner. However, we know exactly the kind of person we want to be romantically involved with. As soon as we do discover that somebody, we keep finding their strengths and weaknesses and measure them against other people. Simply put, it is called comparing your partner. While it would be great if we appreciated the person we’re with by finding differences and similarities, what we do is quite the opposite of that.
You are envious when you appreciate a characteristic somebody has. Therefore, comparisons largely attract a negative facet, which in turn might ruin a great or a budding love. We all have the tendency to expect too much of those we love. But you can resolve most issues with communication. If you wish to make a critical yet constructive remark, effective communication can help you succeed.
3. “You know what, I don’t want to talk about it”
This ought to be pretty apparent. Yet we all have those minutes where we can not fathom why our partner does not understand our thoughts without us trying to put it in words. The truth is that some things that are evident to you would not even cross the other individual’s mind. So be kind enough to clarify your issues.
Your partner might comprehend the fact that something is bothering you, but they would most likely have no idea about the ‘what’ or ‘why.’ As said before, put your feelings into words. That will really help you in relationships as well as in life. Your arguments don’t need to be dramatic all the time. You are not going to convey your message by being illogical. However, if you can take a second and discuss your issues, you will be able to reach a resolution together and soon!
You can try to neglect all your problems – sweep them under the carpet. However, that won’t make them disappear. The most awful ones will certainly just wind up festering and silently poisoning your bond till there’s no going back to how things were before. Having the ability to see something from someone else’s viewpoint is not the worst idea, you know. If you want to hear their point of view, that implies you trust their judgement. And that you respect them. So speak up. Talk about it!
4. “Have you put on some weight?”
Weight is a rather controversial subject. And provided just how much of our lives focus on food, our body weight, just how we regard ourselves as people, as well as exactly how society takes a look at us due to our body, it can be really tough to figure out just how in the world to discuss bodies. Especially, with the closest people in our lives.
When it comes to weight as well as body image, there are means to discuss them with your companion, but it takes a lot of thought and also a consideration to make it a discussion worth having.
As a whole, your partner should be the one to show worries about how they look. They should share their wish to change. It is not really a conversation you can initiate yourself, yet if working out extra or raising weights more is something they intend to do, you can always encourage them without being too obvious about it.
Do not yell at them or create a scene if they have an extra scoop of ice cream every now and then. You might think you are being practical but you are actually causing more harm to them emotionally and mentally.
Instead of having an obnoxious and awkward discussion, simply cook healthier meals. Toss all the fast food out of the house. Store fresh fruits and veggies in the refrigerator. This way they won’t have a choice and would have to consume what is kept on the table.
5. “You are too good for me. Too perfect”
Probably one of the most toxic things to say in a relationship simply for the fact that this one sentence instantly eliminates equality from the relationship. Equality is the foundation of any successful relationship. Telling your partner is too good for you or too perfect diminishes your importance in your partnership. There are no equal grounds and you end up making yourself feel like the lesser individual. And that is where the problem starts. Unknowingly, you give your partner power over you – to control, dominate, and abuse you.
6. “Stop making a big deal out of everything!”
It makes you seem like you are being unreasonable, and also no companion ought to ever claim this to you. If this is something you have heard quite a lot in your relationship, it implies you are with a person that is not interested in listening to your needs and issues. They think that they do everything right while you are wrong.
As time passes by, this can make you inspect your own reality, particularly in scenarios where you have a totally reasonable issue or concern to raise. Also, your partner will make you really drive your crazy by doing this. So you should never allow anyone to make you feel like you are just stirring up drama when all you want to do is communicate. If your partner ever tells this to you, go ahead and make a decision.
7. “This is all your fault”
Understand that it is never the fault of the other person fully. Here is an unpopular statement: you can’t blame just one person even if they have cheated on their partner. Studies actually suggest that cheaters are usually motivated by something that happens in a relationship, which affects them subconsciously that makes them act out consciously. So if your partner cheats on you, be the bigger person and talk to them. Unless your partner is a habitual cheater, there has to be an explanation behind their actions. So keep the communication channel open.
Placing blames is one way to drive your partner away. It takes time for people to realise that they are being blamed for everything wrong in their relationship, but there is no way to hold them back once they get the wake-up call.
8. “You need to shut up right now”
Eesh! Don’t ever say that. Not seriously, at least. A casual, playful “shut up” is okay. And no one really minds it. Your partner is not dumb. Obviously! But the moment you ask your partner to shut up during a conversation or an argument, you are risking losing them forever.
9. “I don’t want to tell you stuff because you won’t understand”
As mentioned before, your partner is not dumb not to understand your concerns. In fact, why even be with them if they don’t understand you? You are made of the same skin and bones as them, which makes them just like you. They are bound to understand you given that you explain things properly to them. Therefore, telling them that they won’t understand stuff is a way of making them feel less in the relationship. Don’t do that. They won’t like it if you don’t like being felt that way.
10. “You need to stop getting influenced by every person you come across”
Are you calling them soft or a pushover? No no no, honey. Don’t you dare do that! Every person is capable of making their own decisions. So when you tell your partner that they get easily influenced by people around them, you belittle them. And nobody likes that. If you really feel your partner gets influenced easily, sit them down and talk to them about this. And do that without being aggressive or giving them major anxieties.
11. “You always/never do this. Every. Single. Time”
Extreme relationships never work. Put as much emphasis on ‘extreme’ as you can. When you use extreme terms, you gaslight the other person. Gaslighting is a kind of abuse. It is a manipulation technique used to make the other person think they are losing their sanity. And eventually, you end up implying that your partner has “never” done anything good for you or the relationship. Also, you are blaming them for being in the wrong “all the time.”
12. “Don’t act like my parent/ Stop treating me like a child”
When you say this, you come off as someone who has underlying parental issues. And it is also quite harsh to call your romantic interest your parent, especially if they have a caring and thoughtful nature.
If you feel your partner is being overprotective about you, tell them how you feel. Communicate! Tell them you don’t like being monitored and that you function better in a free environment. But don’t end it there. Ask them why they feel the need to ‘treat you like a child.’ Is it something you do? Is there a behavioural pattern that you haven’t noticed but they have? Do they feel you are not mature enough for their mental age?
Work on yourself once you know the reason. And always remember, you can’t change how people feel about you. You can only control your behaviour and feelings. If there is a recurring reaction of attitude from the people around you, there must be something in you that needs retrospection. Assess and evaluate yourself. Seek professional help whenever you feel like it.
13. “I wish I had never met you”
Have you never had even a moment of happiness with your partner? Have you only experienced trauma and negative feelings in your relationship?
If you said no to any one of the above, you cannot say these words. Let’s rationalise it. Had you never spent even a single happy moment with your partner, you would not have been with them for any longer than a day. Moreover, it is emotionally rupturing for someone to hear those words. So, it is definitely one of those things that you should never say in a relationship.
14. “I come from a more financially equipped family than you”
Why would you even say that? And who even thinks about it anymore?
Sure, there was a time when people did see their partner’s background before committing to them, but it is all in the past now. At least that is how it should be. It does not matter what your partner’s ascribed status is. What matters is what they make of their life with the resources they have. So, the moment you say this to your partner, you make yourself thousand times more undateable. Because I hate to break it to you, but nobody likes to date a snob.
15. “Don’t yell and make it about you all the time”
People yell not to overshadow you, but to make themselves heard. Everybody does it and it is normal. Don’t blame your partner for being human.
Your partner might yell at you out of frustration or in plain anger. But the moment you say the above words, you instantly tell them that you have done nothing to deserve the yelling and that it is just their craziness talking right now. (Gaslighting, see?) So, don’t do that. Never say that in a relationship.
16. “What now??”
Another incredibly aggressive phrase, a “what now?” with a tone can do serious damage to your relationship. It is as if you are tired of your partner complaining about something or even talking to you and you would like them to stop at once.
This is yet another example of keeping yourself in the clear and blaming your partner for ‘annoying you.’ You are human just like them and you are capable of making mistakes. Accept it and never say that in a relationship if you really want this to be a long-term affair.
17. “My friends said (insert something bad) about you”
My friends say you dominate me and it is so evident that even a blind person can see it.
There is no limit to what people say and think about other people. Everyone judges other people’s life choices. But that does not mean you will let them dictate your preferences.
Of course, you should not ignore the red flags you get from your friends about your partner. Sometimes, they are really accurate. However, it does not always matter how toxic your friends think your relationship is unless you feel you are with the wrong person.
Why do you care so much about whether or not your friends approve your relationship? If you are happy, that is all that should matter. If people’s opinions did influence your decisions so much, you would not be able to date anyone.
18. “You are a liar. You lie. That is what you always do”
Another case of extremity! Never say this in a relationship. Never call your partner a habitual liar unless you have caught them in the act several times. I have discussed this in my previous blogs and I will say it yet again, never accuse your partner of doing or not doing something. Instead, tell them how you would want things to be.
For instance, don’t say “you ignore me,” say “I feel ignored.” This way you are taking equal responsibility for the relationship and not burdening your partner to make you feel better. A little accountability goes a long way!
19. “You would do it if you really loved me/cared for me”
This can easily be categorised as blackmail. And if that is your idea of encouraging your partner to do something for you, you are walking along the wrong path. Healthy relationships don’t work like this. You and your partner should be willing to do things for each other without an ultimatum or threat. And if you have to force things by doing this, you might as well part ways. Enjoy the solo life for a while.
20. “Can you not get a job that pays more?”
Nobody wants to work for minimum wages in today’s world. So, the simple and sensible response to this question would be,
I would get a job if I could, right?
Makes sense, doesn’t it? There is a reason that relationships are different from marriages. The former lets you enjoy the perks of a married couple while being responsible for your own expenses. So, if you feel your partner’s income is not enough for you, expand your own income streams to meet your needs.
Belittling someone on the basis of their financial capacity is the lowest of the low. And if it is not something you can work with or easily overlook, find someone who can do it for you. This way you will both get to be with people who respect you and vice versa.
21. “My ex was – the worst person/good for nothing”
When you bad-mouth about your ex, it tells your current partner that you will do the same about them when you break up. It is nothing but a test of your own character. So, the less you talk bad about your ex, the more respect you will garner from your current partner. And I believe that is more important than anything.