Categories
Marriage

10 Secrets To Have A Successful Second Marriage

Marriage is one of the most beautiful things that happen in one’s life. It is a union forever when two people decide to spend their entire life together. That is why it is rightly said that

Marriages are made in heaven.

It is the most special day in a couple’s life when they vow to be with each other forever. For most of us, a perfect marriage is when two people get married and live happily ever after. However, in this not-so-perfect world, sometimes marriages do not work, and couples tend to get separated. There could be many reasons for a failed marriage, depending on couple-to-couple. Also sometimes, people die young, leaving behind grieving spouses with potentially long lives ahead of them.

There are many people who lose faith in the institution of marriage when their marriage fails or when they lose their partners. But there are also many who are all set to experience it again with all the excitement and happiness. Though these people are constantly judged by society, especially the women but there is nothing wrong to have a second marriage.


You get to learn many things before you think about getting married again


Sometimes, your first marriage doesn’t work for various reasons, and you tend to end it on mutual terms. But you are not at a loss; you get to learn many things before you think about getting married again. There must be many people around you who have married for the second time, and it was more successful than the first one.

It takes a lot of courage to start a new life again after getting separated from your partner. Sometimes people accept it and move on quickly, and sometimes people don’t. But there is no harm if you are thinking about starting a new life again. Finding a right partner, or choosing the person whom your family or friends have set you up with, can bring the same amount of happiness in life again.


What people will say shouldn’t bother you at all


Opting for a second marriage is a big step for anyone and this time you need to be more careful in choosing your partner. This depends on what kind of situation you faced earlier, which ended your marriage. Also, there is a lot of pressure on what people will say, or society will judge you for it. But you need to simply focus on what is in your mind and heart and follow it. What people will say shouldn’t bother you at all.
So, we all know, it takes a lot of efforts for both a man and a woman to make their marriage work. In the same way, be it your first or second marriage, you and your partner will need to put the same kind of efforts to make it work. Both will need to have the same goals to keep their married life happy.

So folks, today, I will be sharing some secrets to having a successful second marriage. And those who are experiencing this phase, swear by these tips to keep the marriage going and be happy forever.

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1. Realise the mistakes you did in your first marriage

When a couple goes through a divorce, it is the most difficult times in their lives. Nobody wants to experience this. But sometimes people are not meant to be together. Suppose, you have gone through a bad time in your marriage which resulted in your separation, so try to figure out what went wrong. When you decide to get married again, don’t repeat the same mistakes. Trying to change yourself is the most important key to have a successful second marriage. Avoid repeating the same mistakes to make your second marriage work and last forever.

2. Distance yourself and your partner from your past

When you are opting for a second marriage, you are stepping in a new life leaving behind your past. This is the best way to have a successful second marriage. Let bygones be bygones and focus on your current life. Talking about your ex in front of your current partner may affect your marriage. You have passed that phase and let it go. There is no worth mentioning or recollecting about those things. This might bother your current partner, and things can become a bit complicated.

3. Talk to your partner about your expectations

Sometimes marriages fail when you fail to live up to your partner’s expectations. The constant failure in this area will leave your partner frustrated, which leads to separation. Many times, you or your partner fail to express what you are expecting while the other one is not aware of it. If you have gone through this phase, you should seriously think about it when you decide to marry again. Express yourself to your partner; tell them what you expect from them. This is key to a successful second marriage.

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4. Accept your stepchildren happily

Most of the time and in most cases, when you opt for a second marriage, you should be ready for this. You or your partner should accept the kids from the previous marriage. Try to avoid awkward encounters with them and be friendly. Try to be their friend rather than directly trying to be their mother or father. Engage in some activities with them; go for movies, lunch, and dinners. If the kid is pretty young, you can play with them and do stuff that they like. Give them a chance to know you and yourself a chance to know them.

Spending some time with them and knowing them will help you develop a great bond which will help your marriage succeed, and you will be able to live a happy life with your partner. You have to accept the fact that your step kids are going to be around as they are a part of your life now. Also, this will make your spouse happy too. This is the most successful key to a second marriage.

5. Spend quality time with your partner

Sometimes when you get married for the second time, and your spouse has a kid, you end up devoting all the time with them. But you should realize that you need to spend an equal amount of time with your partner to know them better. Don’t give up your personal life entirely for kids. This might create problems between you and your partner. This is one way to have a successful second marriage.

6. Never lose your patience

Your first marriage failed due to some reason. But now you have married again. But you should have the patience for things to settle and have a great life again. You can’t expect things to be perfect all of a sudden. Give some time to your spouse. Having it started all over again can take some time. You are experiencing a whole new phase, and things will fall in place with time. So if your expectations are not fulfilled, wait for it. Don’t get impatient and show it to your partner. This way, you can have a successful second marriage.

7. Give yourself and your partner some space; privacy is mandatory

When you get married for the second time, sometimes you are too much involved in your partner. And your partner, too, is doing the same. Because you think you need to be with each other all the time. But that is not the right thing to do. Giving yourself some space and also to your partner can be helpful. Let your partner spend some time in what they love doing it. You can do the same because sometimes, giving each other some space can have a successful second marriage.

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8. Make new friends and expand your peer circle

This can bring a big change in your social life. You may have many mutual friends with your exes. So, it becomes a bit awkward to meet them when you get separated. Also, you can always bump into your ex while meeting these friends. This can be the same case with your spouse too. For some people, it may be a casual thing, but for some, it may be awkward. So, to avoid coming across such situations, make new friends with whom you can hang out with your current partner. It is like getting rid of your past friends, along with your past marriage. This will give a boost in your social life. Having a new social life altogether is key to a successful second marriage.

9. Be ready to compromise in your marriage

Just because you compromised on things in your first marriage and still it didn’t work, you can’t be extremely stubborn about it while dealing it with your second marriage. Carrying the same baggage of your first marriage can make things go hunky-dory in your second marriage. Little compromises can do no harm and in fact, bring you closer to your partner. If your partner expects you to adjust in some things, do it for your partner’s happiness and don’t crib about it. Compromising is a major key to a successful second marriage. It will make your partner feel that you love and care for them.

10. Don’t rush into things

When you get married for the second time or decide to give it another shot, simply don’t rush into things. Your goal is not just to remarry but to have a successful second marriage. Realize that rushing into things can make it worse, and probably you will end up separating from your spouse. Also, this may make your partner feel too much pressurized. Give yourself and your partner some time. If things aren’t working the way you had expected, talk about it to your partner. Find ways to deal with the situation rather than simply arriving at conclusions. This way, you will leave yourself and your partner frustrated.

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Having a Successful Second Marriage

Well, as we all know, marriage doesn’t come with a guarantee, and it is up to the couples who can make it work. Sometimes people end up marrying several times before finally settling down with the right person. Sometimes, you find everything you need in your first marriage itself. Marrying the second time in your life can give you another reason to live. If you want to move on, you will find the right person one day, and your life will be filled with all the happiness you deserve.

Whether you marry once, twice or thrice, you will need to take equal efforts in making it work. Sometimes, you end up marrying a wrong person and later realize it. But as we say, “Better late than never”, you can always get yourself out of it and find a new partner with whom you can live your life. No one is perfect in this world, and humans do sometimes make a mistake by choosing a wrong life partner. If it is not meant to be, you will end up separating from that person no matter how hard you try. But also, you will find out someone who is made for you.


Never lose hope


If life gives you another chance, try to make the most of it. Second marriages are no big deal, but making them work out takes a lot of efforts. Both you and your partner need to work on it. Taking things for –granted can make things worse for you and your spouse. Respect your marriage. Love it, nourish it, and let it grow. Let each day be happier than the other day. Even if you need to take extra efforts to make your partner happy, do it. Come with fewer expectations, and you won’t leave with a broken heart.

How did you make your second marriage work? Write your thoughts down in the comment section below for your fellow readers!

Categories
Marriage

Everything We Need to Know Before We Get Married

There are so many relationship blogs that teach you about marriage and married life. But so few are inspired by real-life events and experiences. In this article, you will learn the many things that everyone should know before getting married. These are things I have learned in my own marriage, and I believe they would be helpful to those about to walk down the aisle and even for already married couples. Preparing for weddings is a lot of work.

First, you have to make the invitations, choose your bridesmaids, and plan for the reception. Then you have to decide what dress to wear, what food to serve, which flowers to get, and who to invite. All these will definitely eat up a lot of your time and energy. Don’t get me wrong. All these are necessary plans to ensure that nothing goes wrong on the day of the wedding. However, couples could get so preoccupied with planning for the event that they forget what really matters. You see, preparing for your wedding is one thing, but preparing for marriage is a whole other story. It requires some work, too! So, below, I have shared some important things to know before the wedding, along with a few tips for getting married.

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1. Shut the doors to your past

If you have a sexual past, any baggage, or meat work, you need not say all those things or open that door to your partner. Leave the past in the past. Ask the universe for support and seek change.

Alternatively, you might come from the other side of the camp and feel completely ambiguous about the wedding night because you are a virgin.

Feeling clumsy and silly is normal, it is easy to think that you will never learn anything. Actually, there is little truth in this; You will always be learning something better to get comfortable in that student seat! But the whole truth is that you have followed God’s design and marriage plans. You are in the perfect place. He will help you; you will learn.

No matter which camp you come into, do not listen to the lies of the enemy who wants to discourage you. Choose to fall in love with your partner. Let your instincts guide you to a greater path.

2. Find out if you accept each other just the way you are

Unless you are living together for some time, there will be some little habits that will come as a surprise for your future spouse. For example, one of you might be a sleepwalker, a sniper, a person who stays on a beer bar for hours or a person who likes to walk around the house naked.

It is always a good idea to introduce your future life partner to these little habits(it can help to make your relationship stronger), so when you stop walking around the house in the middle of the night, they are not suddenly surprised.

3. Understand that respect is above love

Don’t get me wrong. I am not saying love is not important. But there are many cases where the couple likes to live together, even after the love died a long time ago. Or sometimes, you need support to help your children grow or to get financial security.

Once you lose respect for your partner, you will not be able to co-exist. Life becomes constant torture. Their voice annoys your ears. And every time they talk, they get on your nerves. Their touch disturbs the cells in your body. Every encounter is a potential crisis. So, while you can revive lost love, respect is irreplaceable. And that is why respect is always above love.

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4. You must communicate

There is no other place where wives expect their husbands to read their minds like a wedding bed. And you will get to know on your wedding night what kind of hope you have, and it will kick out your body on your own without a lot of input.

The reality of the matter is that you are also learning your own body, so it is not the case that you are expected to give the whole thesis. Just because you don’t know everything about her, it is your first night (even though it is not, it is still the first night under a holy marriage). So you need to start learning to communicate and engage in telling your partner what is happening to you.

And to tell your partner what is happening to you, you also will need to understand what is happening to you. So if it hurts or you want to try something else or if you are sore and want a break for a few hours, let her know, communicate. Don’t shut up, he wants to, and you’re engaged.

5. Marriage offers a learning curve

At the wedding, you will learn a lot about your husband or wife and will be unknowing. As they often say, marriage is the only school where you never graduate, and where you never get a diploma! So, if you are never going to graduate from the College of Marriage, then it means that you are going to learn a lot about the person about which you said: “I do”. So, get ready to become a student in this special school for the rest of your life, because you have a very long ride. Enjoy this marriage life. Fun things to do before you get married; it makes your life change and fills it with happiness.

6.  Learn life skills

Getting married means that at some point, you have to go to your place with your partner and get by standing on your feet. This is the reason why learning newer skills is efficient. Prepare for your wedding by learning how to cook. Also, there is nothing more romantic than sharing homemade food with your spouse. For starters, you can try and learn how to cook each other’s favourite dishes. Learn a new recipe or two or go as far as taking a few cooking classes.

You should start preparing for work at home and preparing for marriage. If you are the type of person, who was raised at home to look after your own belongings, good for you. Otherwise, you should learn how to do laundry, wash dishes, and operate a vacuum cleaner. Marriage is not about spending all your free time cuddling together. It is also about working and running errands. You got to share your work, and you got ready to correct it.

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7. The wedding night is not the end, but the beginning of your life together

The main thing here is that I like to say from this post. You do not have a perfect night of marriage. In fact, most couples will tell you that their wedding night photograph was not right. But they used to love it anyway.

With all embarrassment and minor issues, it was the beginning of their married life, and they did not trade the experience for anything. There is a lot to be thankful for and a lot to look forward to.

Therefore do not exchange to complete bliss and fun. Enjoy the whole day and night and keep in mind that you do not have it. There are thousands of nights to come. You have more time to learn, to grow, to grow. So enjoy this day and night because you only have one wedding night!

8. Money matters matter

A marriage will not survive alone in love. You also have to meet the problems. To be ready for a wedding, both of you should be financially secure. Even before popping up the question, you got to assess how much you earn and find out if it will be enough for your needs as a married couple. Make sure that your monthly salary and savings can pay off not only for the wedding but also the daily expenses after you settle together. Preparing for a wedding also means that you have to learn to handle your finances. You don’t have to keep your money alone, no more you have to pay your dues, pay your share bills, buy groceries from your pocket. Never expect your partner to carry all the costs. If you are not prepared for this way of life, then you are not ready for marriage.

9. Change after marriage

What do we need to change to do this work? No couple is perfect. But that does not mean that after marrying your partner do not need to change anything. For starters, you can try to improve the ways that you handle conflicts. If both of you end up with a quarrel, when a dispute arises, you probably can not take that behaviour to your marriage!

Start with small things like being more responsible for work, remembering little things or being more open with communication. Relationships require frequent changes and improvements, and none of these once ends when you get married.

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10. You will not be the same person after marriage

People keep changing all the time. You fell head on the heels for this person. It’s passionate, energetic carers who wanted to hear, who dreamed big and wanted to change the world. Having continuously been buried under corporate-life wheels for years, marathons after children, and drowning in daily homework, will almost never recognize your partner’s personality. They may be more nervous, less sensitive, more aggressive or less forgiving. They certainly will not be the same person, and you need to come up with a new version of yourself and your partner. Otherwise, your life will be unbearable.

11. It’s not all about sex

Real intimacy in marriage is not about sex only. It is about connecting mental, emotional, spiritual in all areas. Hopefully, you are joining all these other areas before your wedding night. Work on making friendships during engagement and courtship because it is engaging in other areas that make sex beautiful.

Sex is like eating and drinking. Everyone knows that, but only some people think that everyone can live on the same food. Kids meal is more than enough for some people. But some people do not feel full before eating an entire family meal. This happens with sex also, do not expect your partner to have the same hunger with you. If a partner is hungry, then he can become a betrayal. You need to communicate your feelings, needs and concerns; otherwise, you will be stuck in a bull ass relationship.

12. Be friends before lovers

Lastly, I want to say if you want your partner to stay with you throughout your life, then you have to treat her like your best friend. One day, many years from now, when the cyclone of emotion, intimacy, the growth of children and the way to work, you will return and reflect on your marriage path. You will have a lot of time to spend together. If the hours pass in the form of eternity and you have nothing to say, then you are not friends in your whole life. Friendship is the glue that binds the couple together — all the way to the end.

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Final Thoughts On the Subject

These are just some things that you have to know before you get married. It seems that you have got a lot of work to do, but if you do it together with your partner, it will not be so difficult. Be motivated to each other and be prepared to move forward. It can serve as an assistant guide for all the lovely couples, who will soon be married. I hope you have a smooth transition from the dating phase to the married phase of your relationship. Best wishes to you and may you have the best married life ahead!

What did you wish you knew before getting married? Write it down in the comment section below for your fellow readers!

Categories
Love & Relationships

Married Couples – Things Every Married Couple Can Relate to

Grihastha is undoubtedly the most rocking of all the four phases of life. Coming from a happy-go-lucky phase, it is more like welcoming a revolution in life, for a better cause. The love sparks are everywhere. Sun, stars, moon all seem to start communicating to you. Two people have bonded with each other willfully to be buoyantly in love with each other, going distances to carve out a better life together. From here on, two people are sharing the same set of dreams, outlook and wishes. It sure sounds like a fun ride ahead. There are a plethora of things that can be related when you are a married couple. Following are some of the relatable things that only married couples can understand.

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You have nothing called personal any more

If you used to be a person with reservations, it is a tidal wave in your life. Gone are the days when you would be secretive and hiding all the time. You happily open that room to your spouse. “Mine” turns into “ours”. Your feelings and things have apparently two owners now. Your joys and sorrows get to be mingled with others now.

You are growing mutually

One must remember Yin and Yang concept which describes how opposite or contrary forces may actually be complementary and interconnected, and how they may give rise to each other as they interrelate to one another. The same theory applies to married couples as well. They might be of different structure or stature, but both complement each other in unthinkable ways. You get to see many of your friends, post-marriage, getting changed to a far better version. It is like they have been inoculated for life. Love really makes wonders happen.

Priorities are switched for good

After marriage, your dreams are not only yours anymore. Both will take measures to contribute their best to make each other a happy, radiant and content person. Both of you would ensure special celebrations for special days. None of you would leave any stone left unturned to arrange for bigger and better surprises. If you’re not much into creativity, you will make sure that your spouse needs not to worry and you are there to handle her bucket list.

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Responsibilities are shared

Marriage is called an enormous responsibility for no-nonsense. Both the partners involved share equal responsibility of standing by love, honesty, hardships and loyalty. The household chores like cooking, cleaning, taking care of kids and after school activities etc. are well divided to relieve each other of extra workloads. On odd days, they would be considerate towards sharing even more.

You have two families to care and thank for

Marriage is not just two people getting together; it is two families getting married. More the people, merrier life becomes.

You have got a friend for life

Marriage would be dull without a friendship between couples. You need to have that connection where you know your spouse through and through — laughing out loud, crying together, cracking similar jokes, hanging out at your hot spots, sharing the same level of insanity, playing random pranks and doing some other crazy stuff. This means you have a 24*7 entertainer staying by your side. You develop this special connection in a gradual course of time.

You perform as a team

Every single thought or act affects the married couple as a whole. Decisions, trivial or significant, are made by consensus. In times of despair, you have somebody to cheer you up, comfort you and appreciate your achievements. There is somebody to lean on, somebody to take the fall for you. You enjoy being the partners in crime. If the team plays well, it stays well.

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You are becoming good at compromises

In order to have an everlasting marriage, it cannot be a win-win solution always for both the partners. Either of them has to bend at times for the sake of spouse. Actually, it is not even a loss to anyone because such small acts give a surplus amount of joy in return. You put your loved one before yourself. One understands that it is always better to bend a bit rather than breaking the beautiful relationship. The choice becomes yours. Mere apologies and forgiveness add life and strength to your bond of love.

Nobody knows about your partner better than you

Apparently, you are the one now who has seen the best and worst of your partner. You know how to fix things for your mate and what is to refrain likewise. Both of you get to know each other’s likes and dislikes in food preferences, movie genres, clothing style, books, sports etc. Be it shopping or career; you are the best one to guide what is apt for your bae and what isn’t.

Dog and catfights may sound to be routine

Any balance needs bad things to co-exist with the good stuff. There are moments when arguments blow out of proportion. Some silly act or mistake and the house goes on fire. It is almost there in every marriage, irrespective of being love or arranged. The blame game, reminding each other’s faults and discussion on buried incidents popping out of nowhere is no big deal anymore. Yet it survives for not too long. Either of them takes a mammoth initiative to put off the fire. Every single time, people start becoming creative, bringing in new ideas to impressively handle and apologies to their mate because, at the end of the day, it is the love and laughter that matters in life. As time passes on, we would find all these fights silly and would be laughing hard on those memories on sharing them with the kids.

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The circles of the married couple are intersecting

You must be having a friend or colleague circle of your own but post-marriage, you get to enter the circle of your spouse as well and likewise happens with your partner. You need to entertain them as and when required. It is fun meeting a new set of people and getting to know about the quirky side of your mate. This way, we get to solidify our bond even more.

The married couples feel devoted to each other in many ways

There stands a very bleak line between live-in relationships and marriage. Unlike the former, when you are wedded to each other, a distinct feel of responsibility sinks in. It seems like you two belong to each other and cannot let any petty thing shatter your gleeful space. You are out of the comfort zone of making easy decisions. Besides, you are accountable to lot many people around you, including your kid(s), if any. You no longer feel righteous to make quick decisions at instances of desperation at the cost of haemorrhaging your marriage.

Expectations to create your own legacy builds up

Few months of marriage and people around you start coercing you to conceive and get baby. Though happy in your own paradise and still in the process of getting to know your partner, you start struggling with ways to face these not-so- wanted anxieties dwelling in unoccupied minds. Such hilarious pressures often intrude your private space. It is always up to married couples to decide about their family planning. Suggestion and advice are warmly welcomed, but perpetual curiosity is bothersome. However, undeterred of any such thing happening around, the married couple keeps on enjoying their own space, living the life we-don’t-care size.

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You turn into a wanderlust person

There is a long things-to-do list which every married couple aims to fulfil. There is a whole lot of fantasies whirling around when you are with your person. You put efforts to create magical moments to be cherished forever. You start working on your savings and the right planning. Nothing can beat the two-some time while exploring new places together. You become so ecstatic about travelling together. It is exhilarating to know more about each other. At times, the ambience makes you fall in love with each other all over again. You get additional quality time to spend with your partner. You are into adventurous rides, cultural learnings, uncalled shopping and delectable dining, all with your one and only. This romantic share of time is extremely precious and dreamy to the married couples.

Striking balance between professional and personal life is a task

Dealing with the corporate culture, married couples are coping up with meeting deadlines and delivering quality. They are hardly able to spare time for each other. They desperately try not to bring work to bed. And it is imperative to nourish your intimacy. People are losing minds at work and bringing the stress back home. When you are in bed, you are either extremely exhausted or deeply frustrated, which leaves no space of sound conversation with your spouse. You might be struggling enough, but you know the importance of getting over it. Stakes are very high, and time is irreversible. Your love with your partner gives you enough justification to make yourself available for whatever manageable time you get to spend with each other.

You become the protector of your realm

You would want to treasure your person above everything. So, you become too protective of each other. You won’t sit back and watch your loved one suffer even minimally. That is the unforeseen power of love. You become one kickass partner for life.

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On a lighter note, there are some funnier aspects as well, which generally a married couple can very well relate to:

1. Personal Space

Husband expecting a morning tea, which is when he realizes his wife prefers to be in DND and let-me-sleep morning zone.

2. Diplomacy

Wife wants an honest husband at home, but not at public spaces. You can’t point any single mistake of your wife’s in public.

3. In-laws

In terms of in-laws treatments, the wife always expects payback from a husband with equal intensity. A bumper rewind radio mode will be switched on if you fail to do so.

4. Fights

They literally find a reason, at typically every inch of the house, for both of them to fight and argue. For example, a petty TV or AC remote, kitchen menu, wardrobe spaces, getting on the driving seat or even the sides of the bed to sleep. Even a piece of news on TV or any scene of the movie might spike arguments, going from nowhere to somewhere and ultimately everywhere.

5. Kids

Bunch of conflicts arise while handling a kid, though wanting the best for the kiddo. Husbands creating disasters, if told to handle toddlers or kids on their own, even if it is for, chuck the hours, minutes.

6. Presents

It is not crucial whether wife remembers or not, husbands might be doomed for missing out the special dates of the year-round. But everything gets compensated with gifts and planned surprises. This makes up for everything.

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7. Mess

Wet towels on the bed, uncovered food in the kitchen, socks in the living area floor, things kept way out of their fixed territory etc. induce daily fights but hell no on distinct improvisations.

8. Shopping

Either of them might hate intense shopping, but it does not matter when your partner has to. The level of scrutiny in every single thing makes you look sorry for your body and mentally crib for food and rest.

9. Insults

They can call a plethora of names to each other but dare anybody who tries to defame them in person in any manner.


Every Married Couple is the Same

After reading this, you might have realised that married life has its ups and downs. But overall, it is a fun ride. And the best is, everyone has the same experiences. You might have lost count of the times husbands have complained about their wives controlling them. Similarly, millions of women think their husband’s TV habits are annoying. This tells you that you are not alone. Every marriage is the same one way or another. That is the beauty of relationships. And as far as marital relationships are concerned, the couple who stays together slays together.

What are some things you think every married couple can relate to? Write it down in the comment section below for your fellow readers!