Love & Relationships

NEVER Say These Things in a Relationship!!

No matter how close two people are in a relationship, there are just some things that are off-limits. They are taboo to speak because some things can ruin your relationship. They really have the power to do that. So, you should really avoid them if you truly want the relationship to see a future. Here is a list of things you should never say in a relationship.

1. “What would you do if we broke up?”

You should only talk about breaking up in a relationship when you think that your relationship is truly over.

If your partner is triggering a “separation” or threatening to end it with you over a basic debate, they’re willing to make you really feel insecure in the relationship. They are showing you that they do not care if they cause you emotional trauma as long as they have the reign of the relationship in their hands.

Breakups do occur. However, if you have no intent to leave, you should never intimidate your partner with a break up to feel that you are in control. The anxiety of losing a person you love is extremely harmful. It can create stress and clinical depression, particularly if your companion has abandonment or attachment issues or any other mental illnesses.

2. “I wish you were more like him/her”

There is no limitation to the variety of things that we compare our partners to. The basis on which we compare our companion to another individual might differ from person to person. But it is a human tendency and prevails in most relationships.

As individuals, we typically tend to have a basic idea concerning the kind of partner that we would like to be with. Some long for a person who is into sports, some desire an individual who is smart or intelligent and some merely want an understanding and jolly partner. However, we know exactly the kind of person we want to be romantically involved with. As soon as we do discover that somebody, we keep finding their strengths and weaknesses and measure them against other people. Simply put, it is called comparing your partner. While it would be great if we appreciated the person we’re with by finding differences and similarities, what we do is quite the opposite of that.

You are envious when you appreciate a characteristic somebody has. Therefore, comparisons largely attract a negative facet, which in turn might ruin a great or a budding love. We all have the tendency to expect too much of those we love. But you can resolve most issues with communication. If you wish to make a critical yet constructive remark, effective communication can help you succeed.

3. “You know what, I don’t want to talk about it”

This ought to be pretty apparent. Yet we all have those minutes where we can not fathom why our partner does not understand our thoughts without us trying to put it in words. The truth is that some things that are evident to you would not even cross the other individual’s mind. So be kind enough to clarify your issues.

Your partner might comprehend the fact that something is bothering you, but they would most likely have no idea about the ‘what’ or ‘why.’ As said before, put your feelings into words. That will really help you in relationships as well as in life. Your arguments don’t need to be dramatic all the time. You are not going to convey your message by being illogical. However, if you can take a second and discuss your issues, you will be able to reach a resolution together and soon!

You can try to neglect all your problems – sweep them under the carpet. However, that won’t make them disappear. The most awful ones will certainly just wind up festering and silently poisoning your bond till there’s no going back to how things were before. Having the ability to see something from someone else’s viewpoint is not the worst idea, you know. If you want to hear their point of view, that implies you trust their judgement. And that you respect them. So speak up. Talk about it!

4. “Have you put on some weight?”

Weight is a rather controversial subject. And provided just how much of our lives focus on food, our body weight, just how we regard ourselves as people, as well as exactly how society takes a look at us due to our body, it can be really tough to figure out just how in the world to discuss bodies. Especially, with the closest people in our lives.

When it comes to weight as well as body image, there are means to discuss them with your companion, but it takes a lot of thought and also a consideration to make it a discussion worth having.

As a whole, your partner should be the one to show worries about how they look. They should share their wish to change. It is not really a conversation you can initiate yourself, yet if working out extra or raising weights more is something they intend to do, you can always encourage them without being too obvious about it.

Do not yell at them or create a scene if they have an extra scoop of ice cream every now and then. You might think you are being practical but you are actually causing more harm to them emotionally and mentally.

Instead of having an obnoxious and awkward discussion, simply cook healthier meals. Toss all the fast food out of the house. Store fresh fruits and veggies in the refrigerator. This way they won’t have a choice and would have to consume what is kept on the table.

5. “You are too good for me. Too perfect”

Probably one of the most toxic things to say in a relationship simply for the fact that this one sentence instantly eliminates equality from the relationship. Equality is the foundation of any successful relationship. Telling your partner is too good for you or too perfect diminishes your importance in your partnership. There are no equal grounds and you end up making yourself feel like the lesser individual. And that is where the problem starts. Unknowingly, you give your partner power over you – to control, dominate, and abuse you.

6. “Stop making a big deal out of everything!”

It makes you seem like you are being unreasonable, and also no companion ought to ever claim this to you. If this is something you have heard quite a lot in your relationship, it implies you are with a person that is not interested in listening to your needs and issues. They think that they do everything right while you are wrong.

As time passes by, this can make you inspect your own reality, particularly in scenarios where you have a totally reasonable issue or concern to raise. Also, your partner will make you really drive your crazy by doing this. So you should never allow anyone to make you feel like you are just stirring up drama when all you want to do is communicate. If your partner ever tells this to you, go ahead and make a decision.

7. “This is all your fault”

Understand that it is never the fault of the other person fully. Here is an unpopular statement: you can’t blame just one person even if they have cheated on their partner. Studies actually suggest that cheaters are usually motivated by something that happens in a relationship, which affects them subconsciously that makes them act out consciously. So if your partner cheats on you, be the bigger person and talk to them. Unless your partner is a habitual cheater, there has to be an explanation behind their actions. So keep the communication channel open.

Placing blames is one way to drive your partner away. It takes time for people to realise that they are being blamed for everything wrong in their relationship, but there is no way to hold them back once they get the wake-up call.

8. “You need to shut up right now”

Eesh! Don’t ever say that. Not seriously, at least. A casual, playful “shut up” is okay. And no one really minds it. Your partner is not dumb. Obviously! But the moment you ask your partner to shut up during a conversation or an argument, you are risking losing them forever.

9. “I don’t want to tell you stuff because you won’t understand”

As mentioned before, your partner is not dumb not to understand your concerns. In fact, why even be with them if they don’t understand you? You are made of the same skin and bones as them, which makes them just like you. They are bound to understand you given that you explain things properly to them. Therefore, telling them that they won’t understand stuff is a way of making them feel less in the relationship. Don’t do that. They won’t like it if you don’t like being felt that way.

10. “You need to stop getting influenced by every person you come across”

Are you calling them soft or a pushover? No no no, honey. Don’t you dare do that! Every person is capable of making their own decisions. So when you tell your partner that they get easily influenced by people around them, you belittle them. And nobody likes that. If you really feel your partner gets influenced easily, sit them down and talk to them about this. And do that without being aggressive or giving them major anxieties.

11. “You always/never do this. Every. Single. Time”

Extreme relationships never work. Put as much emphasis on ‘extreme’ as you can. When you use extreme terms, you gaslight the other person. Gaslighting is a kind of abuse. It is a manipulation technique used to make the other person think they are losing their sanity. And eventually, you end up implying that your partner has “never” done anything good for you or the relationship. Also, you are blaming them for being in the wrong “all the time.”

12. “Don’t act like my parent/ Stop treating me like a child”

When you say this, you come off as someone who has underlying parental issues. And it is also quite harsh to call your romantic interest your parent, especially if they have a caring and thoughtful nature.

If you feel your partner is being overprotective about you, tell them how you feel. Communicate! Tell them you don’t like being monitored and that you function better in a free environment. But don’t end it there. Ask them why they feel the need to ‘treat you like a child.’ Is it something you do? Is there a behavioural pattern that you haven’t noticed but they have? Do they feel you are not mature enough for their mental age?

Work on yourself once you know the reason. And always remember, you can’t change how people feel about you. You can only control your behaviour and feelings. If there is a recurring reaction of attitude from the people around you, there must be something in you that needs retrospection. Assess and evaluate yourself. Seek professional help whenever you feel like it.

13. “I wish I had never met you”

Have you never had even a moment of happiness with your partner? Have you only experienced trauma and negative feelings in your relationship?

If you said no to any one of the above, you cannot say these words. Let’s rationalise it. Had you never spent even a single happy moment with your partner, you would not have been with them for any longer than a day. Moreover, it is emotionally rupturing for someone to hear those words. So, it is definitely one of those things that you should never say in a relationship.

14. “I come from a more financially equipped family than you”

Why would you even say that? And who even thinks about it anymore?

Sure, there was a time when people did see their partner’s background before committing to them, but it is all in the past now. At least that is how it should be. It does not matter what your partner’s ascribed status is. What matters is what they make of their life with the resources they have. So, the moment you say this to your partner, you make yourself thousand times more undateable. Because I hate to break it to you, but nobody likes to date a snob.

15. “Don’t yell and make it about you all the time”

People yell not to overshadow you, but to make themselves heard. Everybody does it and it is normal. Don’t blame your partner for being human.

Your partner might yell at you out of frustration or in plain anger. But the moment you say the above words, you instantly tell them that you have done nothing to deserve the yelling and that it is just their craziness talking right now. (Gaslighting, see?) So, don’t do that. Never say that in a relationship.

16. “What now??”

Another incredibly aggressive phrase, a “what now?” with a tone can do serious damage to your relationship. It is as if you are tired of your partner complaining about something or even talking to you and you would like them to stop at once.

This is yet another example of keeping yourself in the clear and blaming your partner for ‘annoying you.’ You are human just like them and you are capable of making mistakes. Accept it and never say that in a relationship if you really want this to be a long-term affair.

17. “My friends said (insert something bad) about you”

My friends say you dominate me and it is so evident that even a blind person can see it.

There is no limit to what people say and think about other people. Everyone judges other people’s life choices. But that does not mean you will let them dictate your preferences.

Of course, you should not ignore the red flags you get from your friends about your partner. Sometimes, they are really accurate. However, it does not always matter how toxic your friends think your relationship is unless you feel you are with the wrong person.

Why do you care so much about whether or not your friends approve your relationship? If you are happy, that is all that should matter. If people’s opinions did influence your decisions so much, you would not be able to date anyone.

18. “You are a liar. You lie. That is what you always do”

Another case of extremity! Never say this in a relationship. Never call your partner a habitual liar unless you have caught them in the act several times. I have discussed this in my previous blogs and I will say it yet again, never accuse your partner of doing or not doing something. Instead, tell them how you would want things to be.

For instance, don’t say “you ignore me,” say “I feel ignored.” This way you are taking equal responsibility for the relationship and not burdening your partner to make you feel better. A little accountability goes a long way!

19. “You would do it if you really loved me/cared for me”

This can easily be categorised as blackmail. And if that is your idea of encouraging your partner to do something for you, you are walking along the wrong path. Healthy relationships don’t work like this. You and your partner should be willing to do things for each other without an ultimatum or threat. And if you have to force things by doing this, you might as well part ways. Enjoy the solo life for a while.

20. “Can you not get a job that pays more?”

Nobody wants to work for minimum wages in today’s world. So, the simple and sensible response to this question would be,

I would get a job if I could, right?

Makes sense, doesn’t it? There is a reason that relationships are different from marriages. The former lets you enjoy the perks of a married couple while being responsible for your own expenses. So, if you feel your partner’s income is not enough for you, expand your own income streams to meet your needs.

Belittling someone on the basis of their financial capacity is the lowest of the low. And if it is not something you can work with or easily overlook, find someone who can do it for you. This way you will both get to be with people who respect you and vice versa.

21. “My ex was – the worst person/good for nothing”

When you bad-mouth about your ex, it tells your current partner that you will do the same about them when you break up. It is nothing but a test of your own character. So, the less you talk bad about your ex, the more respect you will garner from your current partner. And I believe that is more important than anything.

What else do you think you should never say in a relationship? Write down your thoughts in the comment section below for your fellow readers!

Love & Relationships Marriage

Advice for Modern Relationships

Recent times are being tricky. It is not just the environmental imbalances we are talking about. Emotional stabilities are at stake. Few examples to count upon like eventful love and relationship zone, which is when we come across people, fall for them, put our heart out for them and then life happens. We soon find ourselves in a tough situation and decide on the easy way out. Now giving it a thought, why are we belittling the mighty love and relationship by throwing it away like this?

We call ‘love’ a complicated entity, which is the absolute lie. Love is a sensation – brings people a lot closer, and rips the worlds and the lives far apart. It has a push and pull of its own. Relationships go right as well as wrong. If infused with loyalty, trust and just the right frequency, love can do the impossible. It has the incredible power of moving people. But if not handled or rather preserved the right way, it might lead you into oblivion. Hence, sharing a few pieces of advice on love and relationships might sound a good idea. 

Relationships in the modern setup

Speaking of the current dating trends, dating rules and habits have changed much in this digital era, and dating behaviour differs much between different set of ages. There is no clear set of rules between dating and being in a relationship. One doesn’t get to see that level of seriousness as compared to our previous generations.

People are following a dynamic lifestyle now, going on and off on their relationship status. Jobs and money have jumped up to number one on their priority list. Time is money. Yes, but true relations are gold as well. Because the bonds we share with our loved ones are intangible assets to us forever. It does not matter whether we get hitched or ditched; the feelings remain. They strengthen us every day, making a better human out of us. Our loved dear and near ones make us worthy and wealthy enough. 

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Value your emotional quotient

In the modern age where feelings have become transient & moreover cryptic, we all need to stop treating feelings as a commodity. Respect because emotions make you human. It is not that true love is a rare find. It is when you stick to your partner even when your world is falling apart. It definitely calls for enormous strength, but that is love. Discuss, commit, respect and support. So far if happening, nothing else matters. 

Make time for your beloved relationship

Time is precious. And God knows, Relations too. Securing time for your loved half is the best dedication you can yearn for. After those exhausting hours of work, the moments shared replenishes your mind and soul. Every time you might unbox a new facet of your soulmate, keeping you wondering how fantastic your choice is. Misunderstandings fail to impregnate your bond. For love and relationship to blossom, make yourself available when your partner needs you. 

Be in a relationship whose consequences you are aware of

 Usually, in the modern dating style, we are usually just seeking a shoulder to lean on, a mind that understands and reverts to us, a faithful listening ear and a person with a good sense of humour to bring big smiles on your faces, even if it is all for a while. The young generation is not seeking out for long term commitments. Either they find it too heavy or much time-consuming.

Casual dating is a new trend. You keep dating a person without even knowing the latter well enough. One must fear that you might stay like this for all your life. You might forever remain confused between what’s right for you and what’s not. Don’t take feelings too casually. It is better to have a stable partner than playing with other’s time and emotions. 

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Avoid any public boasting about a relationship you are not serious about 

Social platforms have their own boons and setbacks. We often use them to update our friends with our knowledge pool, our likes and dislikes, relationship status etc. Even though we date temporarily, we find it apt to show off what kind of cool personality we are by posting photos and exclusive details of our partner. However, we fail to realise that we are sabotaging somebody’s life for worse. So, think and publicise anything responsibly. 

Do not fall for online relationship seeker

Cybercrime is a no-nonsense event these days. Multiple social media accounts are hacked or run by mastermind opportunity seekers who are experts at brainwashing innocent people seeking friends or relationships online. Do not fall for these emotional tantrums easily. Double-check all the personal details as shared by the person in question. Do not share any of your personal data like pictures, videos, contact details, address, bank details, etc. with any unknown on such platforms. You would not even know the consequences of it. Your privacy is in your hands. 

Do not shudder at making bold decisions and stay rock-solid by your partner

Love marriages are not so uncommon these days. Even better, people are proposing live-in relationships to get a better understanding of their to-be. Definitely, one must not see any harm in this thought process. Marriage is a commitment; a life-long commitment. One must be sure enough to go ahead and move rocks. It is not as easy a decision for girls as it is for boys.

In this patriarchal setup, girls can be stereotyped very quickly. Forget about the hymen of the girl; think about her future for once. Now since the old stigmas are shattering, we are looking towards empowered women, self-capable and independent girls who are bold enough to screw the societal norms. 

High time to accept love in all its form

It may be hard to digest for some people, but the truth remains that love has no gender. Society must be inclusive of all sorts of sexual inclinations. Men and women in our community must be encouraged to gather strength and admit to their sexual preferences because love can never bring shame in a world so full of hatred and chaos. Instead, dare to become the best life support your beloved deserves.

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Never stop nurturing your relationship and appreciate every little thing

We all fantasy love birds to be friends first. But when both the partners start taking their feelings and efforts for granted, their very relationship turns into a facade. Value the one meant for you. Keep the sparks flying high even years later. Listen to them. Talk to them. Laugh and cry out even harder. Trust me. There is eternal bliss in those very moments. Don’t let anything creep between you two. Don’t expect life to be too long for this privilege. Make a doable bucket list and start ticking off. Individual goals and principles must be respected. That is where individual space sets in. Time and space make a relationship beautifully long-lasting. 

Keep on holding to your beloved in unfavourable times as well

All said, humans do make mistakes or rather mistaken. When two people belonging to two different worlds come together, significant clashes are bound to occur. They may happen today or some years down the line. But they will happen. Few just give in while others straighten up their minds, take the reins in their own hands and steer it in a new direction supported with some bold moves. People do comment, but does it really matter? Is there anything more important than peace in your life? And especially when we are talking about two precious lives here. Be bold and be brave. People will be embracing you back one day.

Avoid strangulating your relationship by being extra possessive

Try holding the sands in your whole fist. Tighter your hold is, more of it will be getting away from you. This principle is taught to us in our childhood days so many times that it is well inscribed in our minds by now. But what if we forget to apply the same in our real lives? Those simple learnings were meant for our today only. At times, people become so possessive about their partners that it becomes their obsession. They unknowingly start doubting, blaming and hurting mentally as well as physically (in some cases). Once a workshop, your relationship turns into a damn warehouse. There is no more space to breathe in your relationship.

Suffocation leads to death. In other words, by getting way too protective, you are leading your relationship to a dead end, where there is no turning back. So, it is important to believe in your mate and give ample space to bud and blossom even more. 

Do not let your job destroy your personal life

Corporate busy lives is another major challenge faced by couples lately. Lack of time and patience is taking a toll on a significant count of relationships. People are either getting too disheartened to lead their puppet lives anymore or getting too ambitious to take a leap forward, putting their once forever relations at stake. It is a highly disappointing picture for our NexGen humans. Though we cannot bring the old 80’s or 90’s era of subtle life teachings, at least show them how amidst everything love and relationships are so pure and priceless. They must really know that cherished relationships can never be undermined for any reason whatsoever.

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Be warm and welcoming to second chances of love and relationship

There are few relations out of relations, which we casually term as extramarital affairs. As bad it sounds, as worse is the reason for it even to exist. For instance, picky fights between a couple or a couple of misunderstandings leading to saturation or difference of ideologies or goals etc.

Life offers you when you least expect it. Finding your love for the second time is indeed beautiful. But given its due space and respect is expected at the least. You have to move on unless you have other primary concerns such as kids or any health issues of your partner. In such cases, it is tough to decide, but one must not forget that love cannot be substantiated by any cultural or religious bond. Love has its abode deep inside our hearts. It will be there for as long as you wish.

Expectations kill the harmony of any relationship 

Love and relationships without much expectations of returns are the ones which are pure bliss. Selfless love is regarded as a priceless virtue. The kind which we see in dogs, which makes them even more loveable. 

A piece of advice for budding parents

Times have changed. Parents are now no more imposing their decisions or choices on their younger version. They are allowing the kids to make new mistakes every time and learn a step further. These might be life-changing lessons for them. We really appreciate this kind of education. Encouraging your child to be experimental is one of the best and tough decisions. But that is what a genuine parent-child relationship is made of.

Give them open-ended choices. Their independent decisions on handling their relationships must be regarded as well as guarded. Be inclusive of your child’s preferences because, at the end of the day, they are going to look up to you as a model of inspiration. 

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Advice on love and relationships may sound a good read, but it is way more alluring to have the right person beside you, fulfilling the meaning of love in all aspects.

Do you have any advice for modern relationships? Write them down in the comment section below for your fellow readers!