Breakup Love & Relationships

Signs You Should Not Get Back With Your Ex

Being in a relationship is one of the most beautiful things you can experience. When you are romantically involved with someone, you find ways to be with each other. You love to share everything with your partner. You think about that person every single second and want to be with him/her. Your expectations from that person increase as your relationship crosses a certain period. While all these things are common among all the couples, but there are times when your relationship hits a rough patch. This too is very common among the couples. It’s the testing period of a relationship when it goes through various highs and lows.

In such conditions, either the relationship survives, or it ends. If it survives, your love will grow deeper than before. But if it ends, you will be left heart-broken. Sometimes, it’s better to leave certain relationships behind and move on rather than sticking to it. If you were meant to be together, you would never have separated. Sometimes you find it difficult while getting separated from your partner. But sometimes the situation makes it easy for you to walk away from your relationship.

In such conditions, either the relationship survives, or it ends

There might be many who after separating from their partners would try to reconcile after a while. In such cases, things might work out for both the boy and the girl. But sometimes, this idea of reconciliation can prove to be the biggest mistake of your life.

I’ve personally witnessed a lot of my friends who have deeply regretted after getting back to their exes. Well, everyone has a different reason for the same depending on what terms they had got separated.
So I, too, feel that to get back with your ex is never a good idea. So, here are various reasons why you should never get back with your ex. Let’s dig in.

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1. You have a valid reason to let go of your partner

You fell in love with someone and started dating. Everything was going well, until one fine day, things went hunky-dory. Even after giving it several chances, things didn’t work out, and you called it quits. This might be heart-breaking, but you just need to accept that you both are not meant for each other. There was a reason you separated. So once you let go of your partner, let them go forever. This is one of the major reasons why you shouldn’t get back with your ex.

2. Both you and your partner are still carrying the burden of your relationship

Another major sign that you shouldn’t get back with your ex. The mental and emotional trauma that you and your partner go through when you break up takes time to heal. Well, sometimes you move on quickly, while sometimes you don’t. But if you are thinking to get back with your ex, your baggage of burden seems to start gaining weight that too rapidly.

You get Déjà Vu. You get the flashback of all the memories, especially the bad ones, things that annoy you about your partner, and all the things you both had done to hurt each other. And you may not think about all this at once, but these thoughts will bother you from time to time. You will start fighting about the same things again, and then things will end up in the same way just like before. In the end, you will regret of thinking to get back with your ex big time.

3. Your trust has been broken

When you love someone, you tend to trust that person blindly in everything. You are very sure that your partner won’t ever break your trust and also live up to your expectations. But when you realize that your partner has broken your trust. It leaves you completely shattered. It’s hard for you to accept that the one person you loved and trusted so much had hurt you so badly. This thing will bother you for the rest of your life. So, even if you are thinking of getting back together, this will keep bothering you every single time. Well, if you have gone through severe trust issues in your relationship, it is not a good idea to get back with your ex.

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4. Your sex life wasn’t that good

In every relationship, physical intimacy also plays a major role in bringing two persons closer to each other. Sex is not just about having fun or fulfilling the want to get pleasure, it’s also about love. You feel secure, and you share this feeling with that one and only special person in your life. However, many relationships have seen a dead-end once their sex life suffers. So if you have separated from your partner for this very reason, it’s never a good idea to get back with your ex.

5. There are many others out there and they are not the only one

After you call it quits with your partner, it takes a while to move on. You know the reason why you had to take this step so being strong enough to accept it is the only thing which will help you. It will take a while for you to forget your partner. But once you stop thinking about him/her, you will see there are many others in this world. Once you think like this, it will be easy for you to move on. And once you realize that you will find someone else in your life to be with, you will forget your past soon. This is one of the signs that you shouldn’t get back with your ex.

6. You had a bad breakup and now need to learn to love yourself 

When you go through a breakup, you completely lose faith in love. The one loving person in you is no more alive, and you become stone-hearted. You become arrogant, stubborn or extremely weak in expressing your emotions. Once there was a time when your heart was only filled with love, but now there’s no love. You will have to learn to love all over again. This is how you will find a way to come out of your past and may find a new soul mate for the rest of your life. When you learn this, this is a great sign that you shouldn’t get back with your ex.

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7. You are happy when you are with people and not when your partner is with you

It’s less the impact an individual physically has on you that makes you happy, but instead, the perception you have of that person. This is necessary to differentiate because while you may feel your perception has changed of that particular person while you are away from each other when you get back together, every one of those negative thoughts you had will reemerge. Even though the person may have changed, your view of the person in question isn’t so impermanent.

In your mind, an individual isn’t simply made out of who the person is at the time, but instead, of the considerable number of things we recall about the person in question, alongside every one of the recollections and feelings that the individual helps us to remember. If you were not happy with somebody for a long period of time, the odds of switching that unhappiness are pretty much nothing.

8. You still think your partner will make you happy

If you have called it quits with your boyfriend/girlfriend, you go through a severe mental and emotional time. You have had a major heartbreak. But sometimes getting back with your ex can fix up things for you. This sounds cheesy, but you find your happiness by doing this. But this thing will only make you happy and not your partner. So instead of walking back to your ex, give some time to yourself. Gain some support from your family and friends. This won’t make you feel lonely and help you heal faster.

9. You feel that you blew off that one chance of being in love

No one wants to go through heartbreaks. When a relationship breaks, you go through a low phase in your life. You are emotionally broken, and nothing makes you happy. This can go on for a while until you gather yourself and decide to accept it and move on. Sometimes you will also regret about blowing your one chance at love. But you should stay strong and just keep moving. You’ll go through various ups and downs, but this phase will pass soon.

10. Your best friends still reveal their dislike towards your ex

This is one of the major signs that you shouldn’t get back with your ex. If you have a bunch of close friends, they will surely know everything about your relationship. While your friends too must have met your partner and observed certain things, they are likely to talk to you about it. Friends tend to observe more your partner than you too. Your friends might reveal some flaws in your relationship. Sometimes, your friends observe how your partner used to behave with you or how unhappy you were with him/her. If your friends tell us all this, it is important to consider these things and drop the idea of getting back with your ex.

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11. Your ex does not show the same interest in your life like before

When you get in touch with your ex personally, through phone or social media, he/she doesn’t take that kind of interest in your life like he/she did it before. They don’t ask a lot of genuine questions about how you are and how is your family doing or what you have been up to. They don’t show that much interest as they don’t care about you. What they care about is keeping you on the sidelines. This is a sign that you should not think about getting back with your ex.

You Should Not Get Back With Your Ex

There will be times in your life when your long-term relationship ends all of a sudden even before you realize it. This is the most challenging phase of your life. Because either it will make you stronger enough to deal with this harsh reality of your life or make you emotionally weak. But all you got to do is stay strong and deal with it. This type of approach will help you move on in your life and also bring positivity. It will help you find love again in your life and make you feel that an end of one relationship is not an end of everything.

It might take some time for you to move on and start a new life without your beloved, who is no more yours. But with the support of your family and friends and your dear ones, you can get pass-through this difficult phase soon.

There will be times when you feel lonely and think about getting back with your ex. You will try to do this just to make yourself happy. But you should think that your ex is not even thinking about it or maybe he/she has moved on. Knocking the doors of your past will only make you remember all the difficult times you went through and how badly it hurt you. Just stay strong and focus your attention on other things in your life. Spending time with your friends and family or focusing on your career will help you.

It may give you some moments of pain but a lifetime of happiness

The idea of getting back with your ex is not suitable for everyone and every situation. Sometimes distancing yourself from that person can bring happiness and peace in your life. It may give you some moments of pain but a lifetime of happiness.

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If you observe any of the above signs in your life, you should not get back with you ex. However, there are times when you are ready to give it another shot. But perhaps you are not sure, in which case, check out this blog to see if you are ready to get back with your ex.

Love & Relationships

Signs Your Breakup was a Good Idea

It might sound absurd to say that breakup is good. Let us get straight that breakups are no joke. It makes us realise how our smart mind gives up and kneels to an ailing heart.

Tina B. Tessina, better known as Dr Romance, says

“Gradually over a period of time, the new relationship euphoria begins to wear off, and reality sets in. Both partners relax and stop being on their best behaviour. They begin to disagree about things they were tolerant of before.”

Breakup becomes inevitable.

Discussing it with friends and blaming whosoever, hardly makes you feel rejuvenated. Rarely, one can find any peck of happiness around them. In one of the most shocking breakup statistics, it was found that 77 per cent of Indian youth keeps their relationship hidden from their parents, 86 per cent of people admits to looking at photos of their ex; 14 per cent of married people admit to doing so often. And 50 per cent of people have called, texted or emailed an ex. You zone out and keep the funeral of your feelings on. But does it all sounds sane? Is this the only way to perceive breakups?

My friend, perceptions, as you know, prove to be a sharp weapon when it comes to an understanding a productive ending. Speaking of this, people, in general, take breakup a cyclonic mishap, but we fail to understand the flip side of it.

We do not realise it often but believing what our senior generation says about ‘whatever happens, it is for our good’, the present, post-breakup, turn you towards a new chapter in life. It gives you a new you. It affects us in ways unimaginable. Now you are wondering how right? Let’s take out the wraps and look at the unseen wows of a breakup decision.

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1. You indulge in your hobbies more than ever

You could relate to this if you had a rough breakup. Uh, breakup sucks. Not to reveal our fears or insecurity, or to do anything that can jam your ex anyhow, you might return to your long-forgotten old love, the passion of your life, your hobbies. Aah! What a solace you find there. There is nothing more serious and determined as a broken heart, right? You intentionally redirect your energy to work on the things that interest you the most. Do you find it easier said than done? Of course, yes. But once you become best friends with your hobbies, your ex loses fails to impress you anymore.

2. You spend more time with your family

The lost bird comes back to its nest. I think we all would agree that the breakup makes us realise how much we were messing up with our family life and in fact, brings us inches closer to them. Often, your lover button pushes you to despicable limits but credits to your break up; you sync in back with your real gems. Isn’t that the most amazing feeling to get to know that people around you love the raw you? Ganging up with your dad, getting few dictations from your upset mom, fighting cats and dogs with siblings, followed by lots of bitching and gossiping, all over again, you start enjoying your time at your den, all in wish to compensate for all the lost times of smiles and togetherness. You re-discover what your family means to you.

3. People don’t find you occupied with your phone all the time

Have you ever noticed yourself checking your phone’s chat windows? Did you find yourself bothered by not getting timely calls? Have you been reprimanded for hogging your phone continuously at the dining table? Have you behaved like a typical online stalker with your partner and kept a frequent watch on his or her updates on Facebook or Instagram? Now you would realise the unnerving connection between your love relationship and your cell phone. Strange but annoyingly true. The chatting and photo editing apps are sweeping all of your time and poor you, you are happily getting drifted away from the reality zone. This digital space is intersecting your individual and family space too dangerously.

Remember the times when you were stuck at your phone for hours, sending love emoticons, fighting on irrelevant petty issues and talking for hours as if it is something which is going to save the world. At the stroke of the midnight hour, when the world sleeps, lovers are awake to life and freedom. So were you. Surely, break up was a good idea to enlighten you about your gross mobile phone addiction. For real, you again start connecting to the tiniest yet noteworthy details around yourself.

4. You find your emotional balance restored

Scientists at University College London have shown that love is blind indeed. They found that feelings of love lead to a suppression of activity in the areas of the brain controlling critical thought. One wrong person and it becomes emotional havoc. Isn’t it? All the time, it is about their needs, their smiles, their complaints, their worries. You feel not respected enough, emotionally blackmailed, mistreated, or just out of place.

Despite living this crappy life, you never question or rather, doubt your existence in their trying world. And even worse, can you see how desperate you were to hold on to your miserable state? You end up defragmenting yourself bit by bit. But once it is over, it is one hell of peace. All of a sudden, it strikes you who you are and what pathetic being you were becoming, had the breakup not happened at the right hour. It is like you start getting hold of yourself, getting your oxytocin, estrogen or testosterone levels back within the normal range. What a comeback, right? To regain your original version, break up was a good idea to bounce back and restore your emotional balances.

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5. You make independent decisions effortlessly

All of us at certain points in our lives, have surrendered to our partners, for good reasons unknown. Wondering any harms? When you become submissive in a relationship, it costs you, your confidence and ownership. You do it clearly out of your love, unaware of disastrous consequences of your blind faith. Breakup was a good idea because you were digging the grave of your self-confidence and ownership sense. Moving out of habit of relying unwillingly on readymade decisions, it gives you a setback, but you come out as a winner. And of course, who does not like to have independent say and free space to walk around? Time to raise a toast to freedom.

6. You don’t live a life of pretence anymore

To save your broken relationship, how many times have you pretended to accept all their belongings whole-heartedly? Can you count? Taking no as an answer, it signifies that your breakup was a good idea. You do not need to pretend to like their awful friends and annoying relatives. Did they have an irritating best friend or a dogmatist mother? Good news- you will no longer have to pretend to get along with these people just for maintaining the peace in your relationship.

7. Your body thanks you

To err is human. But little do we know that our body suffers the repercussions of our mistakes. In the process of a mismatch dating, we lose more than we realise. Emotionally, you get drained out. You are made to disrupt your familial relations, your personal and professional life balance and most of your routine. You have kept daydreaming while compelling you somehow to pursue unhealthy eating habits and chaotic time table.

Long hours of chatting and talking on phones raise another warning for your vital organs, especially your eyes and ears. But once in the state of melancholy post-breakup, you feel apologetic for not taking enough care of your body. You realise what you have put your body through. And that is when your body says thanks to you and tells you that breakup was a good idea for sure. You need not pretend unhurt by their diplomatic stands when it comes to their family or friends.

8. Your money rarely escapes from your wallet

The best sound ringing in the ears. Do you realise that you have just escaped from a financial drain off? How do you wish to swell your bank accounts instead of acting like a bank account itself for somebody else? Nothing comes for free, dear but one fallacious relationship and you are squeezed out like forever. It feeds on your money slowly and smartly. Out of generosity, we never question our ‘love’ but allow our ‘love’ to stay as a parasite and crumble us. Post-breakup, you get to realise how smart you are at savings.

Besides, you spend on your wish list things. Becoming selfish has never felt being this good. You window-shop, you peruse, and you buy. And for the first time, you have become your priority. This certainly calls for a Tarzan shout. Don’t you think the breakup was a good idea? I heard a sigh, and an ‘I swear.’

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9. You get your friendships back because now you have more time for your buds

After your breakup, there is somebody else even happier than you – your buddies. They have got their lost friend back to their territory. If you are in a dodgy relationship, you might well be kept away from your well-wishers, esp. your friends. In a blind move, you ditch your robust support system. The mistake which you probably realise later. Had not your love relationship come to an end, you would have missed a place to go to in your distress, a situation which spoils you to crazy limits, people who bring the best possible weirdo version of you. Reaching back to your gang is always a good idea. Oh boy! You can smell the freedom of all sorts of expressions. Definitely, the breakup was a good idea.

10. You proudly wear your workaholism on your sleeve 

Sitting at your desk with eyes staring at the impossible deadlines and at the same time, getting a ping on your phone saying ‘Baby, I need you to do something for me’, which when stayed up is followed by ‘Baby, don’ t you have time for me? That means you don’t love me anymore.’ Take a chill. You were already earning your money a hard way to keep your partner happy and fulfilled. But it is always a good idea to give up if this much fringing is taking place. Though your partner won’t t be able to understand the term “space”, you deserve yours. So quitting and breakup is a good idea as it allows you to work clear-headed at your work, without any unwanted worthless interference.

11. You are certain that you have relationship lessons for a lifetime

There was one time when your grandma was the primary source of the pool of experiences and various lessons to lead a healthy civil life. Now it is your situations, decisions and relations which do the job for her. Despite being in a negative association, you put to work all of your emotional resources. You somehow managed to sail together with plenty of perseverance. But it was in the very end when you got a reality check and gained some sense. Amongst a bunch of insights you got, best is never to curtail your existence in the relationship. You realise not to underestimate your power and potential and never to follow anyone blindly, even if it is just because of your love for the person.

The lessons you receive is a universal ‘wake up and stay alert’ call for almost all the breakup victims.

According to the recent figures out of the American Psychological Association as on July 27, 2018, as many as 50 per cent of marriages in the United States eventually end in divorce. But in India, the divorce rate is less than 1 per cent. Out of 1000 weddings, only 13 results in separation. But nothing to be happy about because the low divorce rate owes up to the social pressures, we generally succumb to. How about becoming a part of revolutionary India where you can fight for your freedom and genuine happiness? Do not regret it, because your breakup was a good idea indeed.

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Why do you feel your breakup was a good idea? Write your thoughts down in the comment section below for your fellow readers!